homestuck au where everything is the same except all the beta kids were raised as siblings by johns dad because jade didnt deserve to be alone, rose didnt deserve to be ignored and dave didnt deserve to get his ass beat on a regular basis. bro is in jail
they get in the game and find out theyre actually two sets of legitimate siblings and instead of being like “why were these two people were not related two raised as our siblings” (because dad is clearly john’s bio father) john and jade are just like. “awwww WE wanna be related to dave and rose too. this isnt fair”
they meet the alpha kids and rose turns to the derse kids and is like “im rose. i think im your daughter? this is my brother dave, my brother john, and my sister jade. what are your names” and dirk actually literally has a fucking stroke
john and jade have lived together their ENTIRE lives as siblings even though theyre technically second cousins? but dave and rose came later. john and dave had been internet friends and one year when theyre in like fifth grade dave comes to visit and when dad sees all these fuckin bruises all over him hes like “what the FUCK” and when dave goes “oh yeah bro and i were fighting. hes training me for something i guess its no big deal rly. the swords are p badass” dad is like JOHN….JADE……SLEEPING BAGS ARE DOWNSTAIRS and later when daves supposed to go back home john and jade go with him and dads like “im taking your kid because youre incompetent and a monster” and bros like “fair.” and then they call the police on him
roses mom and johns dad were dating for a while like two years later and they were all INTIMATELY aware of the fact that she had no idea whatsoever about how to take care of a kid. one day she was like “hey can you babysit rosey for a few hours i gotta do something” and dad went “yeah” and then mom like. never picked up rose. she just kind of skipped town. so dads here with his two Actual children plus johns internet friend whos brother beat him up and this goth eleven-year-old with a negligent mom and hes just. “guess i need a bigger car”
oh also john and jade are on the meteor during the game. thats a thing. the trolls are all like “???????moirails?????” but thats just kind of how the kids have always acted with each other and they see zero reason to stop now. theyd always been super close for siblings (rose thinks its because theyre all roughly the same age) but for some reason they never grew apart like some kids do and just. stayed really close. they love each other dammit
john and jade legitimately do forget that they arent really related to dave and rose btw. like they straight up are like “remember when this thing happened when we were five” and dave is like “i didnt live with you until i was like 9 dude” and john and jade are like “what really”
also like. since jade was raised around people (including john) theyre both EXTREMELY touchy and even though theyd NEVER say it out loud dave and rose are extremely hungry for like. healthy physical contact that didnt involve fighting ESPECIALLY dave so they have movie nights and shit and they all fall asleep in one big pile??? jade’s got her arms around rose who’s holding hands with john whose legs are tangled up with dave who’s got his face in jade’s hair and despite the logistical speed bumps its literally the most comfortable any of them have ever been as some dumb movie plays on the television and they dream
john’s a prep jade’s a jock dave’s a nerd and rose’s a goth. they all go to public school and have no friends aside from each other for almost two years because since the strilondes dont look like theyre related to the harleyberts people assume that john/rose and jade/ dave are couples and therefore Do Not Interact
one day jades like “blah blah blah my brother dave” and whoever shes talking to is like…..”dave strider? i thought he was your boyfriend” and jade says without skipping a beat “his name is dave egbert and no offense but i would actually rather die”
dave and rose have simultaneous identity crises in sixth grade. “oh jesus oh fuck were not legitimate harleybert siblings what if john and jade dont think were valid” so they sneak out one night to the 24-hour drugstore, pool their allowances to buy enough black hair dye to make rapunzel a goth, and spend two hours together silently destroying their hair as they soak it in cheap dye long enough to literally make it black almost permanently. john gets up to get a glass of water at 2 am and opens the bathroom door to see dave wearing a shower cap and rose frantically scrubbing off the dye stains on the sink and walks right back out again. jade wakes up the next morning and sees two dark-haired people she doesnt recognize asleep next to her and almost has a fucking heart attack
Tag: dad egbert
balencia said: Technically, Dad Egbert/Crocker is also born normally.
See, I don’t know about that. If Dad Egbert was the biological son of Jane + random person and Dad Crocker was the biological son of John + someone, why would he be identical in both universes? And it’s not just the symbolic artstyle – John recognizes him immediately. The Nature Of Dad is a mystery to me.
Hmmm…
Some Headcanon Possibilities:
- John and Jane are genetically identical? And so were the people they had Dad!Crockerbert with??
- Was gonna suggest Dad might also be an adoptee, but isn’t it mentioned canon that Jane and John are his bio parents? Looking at the wiki just now maybe not, so he could be.
2a. It just occurred to me for the first time that, John and Dad!Crocker was not only John being given Jane’s Dad reunion, but also Dad!Crocker meeting his own long-dead father, but as a kid? Who he’d probably recognize pretty easily since Crockerberts keep photo albums and family mementos everywhere?? That makes the whole sitch even weirder, even if it does -partially- explain why Dad!Crocker would be so happy to see him.- John and Jane are genetically identical, and there’s something particular to paradox-goo-based-genetics that is overriding, ensuring that the offspring of Players are exact reiterations of themselves across all timelines and continuities, just like their parents.
- Dad’s a Guardian and Guardians, due to the role they play in Players’ lives Pre-Game, are kept consistent across iterations by The Game.
4a. The prob with this would be that we see part of the Players’ responsibility in The Game is to create themselves, so presumably if this were the case John would have also been asked to carry out the tl engineering needed to create Dad in both Timelines.- Dad!Egbert and Dad!Crocker aren’t actually identical, just close enough in appearance to fulfill the same archetype in John’s mind at the moment of their “reunion”. John seems to be living in his house alone at the very end, so it may be that, with time, John noticed the differences, physical and otherwise, between Dad!C and his Dad.
- Total story convenience and there actually is no textual, non-meta, explanation for it.
Ok that’s what I can think of rn.
just moving along like everyone else 