for real, though, why do recipes consistently tell you to use less herbs and spices in than you should. fuck your “two cloves of garlic,” fuck your “half teaspoon of cinnamon,” and you can absolutely go to hell with your “dash of black pepper”
I’m pretty sure that the only time I’ve ever actually managed to overseason food was when working with balsamic vinegar, which is the most overpowering motherfucker of a sauce known to man
i appreciate the energy and anger in this post, which is righteous and just
honestly tho
Half teaspoon of vanilla extract? Let me just pour it until I get bored. How about that. How about enough vanilla to be tasted.
hey, so, i feel weird promoting this, but you know how the collective we of tumblr are always like, someone should write a cookbook that’s actually easy? i did the thing, just in time for gross summer heat/seasonal affective disorder, depending on the hemisphere, to kick in.
Cooking is terrible, and food is often a massive pain in the ass. Eating is sometimes ok, sometimes a giant drag, and somehow still a thing that you have to do multiple times a day, which seems enormously unfair.
This book isn’t going to teach you how to cook, or turn you into the kind of person who hosts effortless dinner parties, or make you more attractive and popular and interesting. At best, it’s going to make it slightly more likely that you manage to eat something in the ten minutes between walking in the door and falling into the sweet embrace of the internet. I’m not joking—a lot of this can be done, start to finish, in ten to fifteen minutes. I resent thirty-minute meals because it feels like about twenty-eight minutes too long to spend on feeding myself.
If you’re excited to get home from work and spend an hour cooking dinner, this isn’t the book for you. If you really value authenticity, this isn’t the book for you. If you literally only eat three foods and you’re happy like that, this isn’t the book for you. If you, like me, are tired and depressed and just need to get some food into your face once in a while, this is definitely the book for you. You should buy it. Maybe it’ll help.
anyhow, you can buy it for $5 on amazon (for kindle files) and gumroad (for a pdf and epub), and any money earned goes towards things like paying my rent and buying groceries.
i’m disabled and mentally ill and a single parent, and i’d love to be excited about food, but most of the time, it’s just an inconvenient thing i gotta do to stay alive. i wrote this for people who’re kinda like me. i hope that maybe it helps someone.
I’ve read this, and it’s super useful– a whole lot of lists and easy to make meals that are better than eating nothing, again, for the sixth time this week because everything is too many.
I suspect it’ll be super useful to a lot of y’all– brain weasels suck, and being out of ideas for food sucks, and being hungry because you open the fridge and then stare at everything and cry because it’s too many to work out what food is super sucks
I bought this and ye little gods will this be helpful when I’m stressed about work full time/freelance writing/half load of classes. I like the overall “tumblr tone” of it too. Very relatable.
Additionally, it’s also pretty great because the theory is forgiving yourself for wanting food to be easier.
french recipes: if you’re not making this in paris then what’s the point. fuck you
italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house
american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked
chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void.
English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that’s it enjoy
Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.
Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie
Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts
Armenian recipes: spend eight days laboring over the stove. the food will be flavorful with the sacrifice of your sanity. no one will appreciate it.
Canadian recipes: It either needs more bacon, more maple syrup, more gravy, or an unholy combination of the three
Polish recipes: you have to toUCH THE DOUGH, FEEL THE PIEROGI IN YOUR HEART, TOUCH IT. LICK IT. SMELL IT.
Every time I see this post, I learn more about how different countries’ cuisines AND neuroses.
Indian recipes: there are 500 cuisines and that means 500 versions of this dish that has 500 spices so gl
ashki jewish recipes: no, no. no. more onion.
internet recipes: here is a heartwarming story about my baby sister’s third birthday that i completely made up, and a copypaste from alton brown.
Irish recipes:
Finnish recipes: normal homecooked food but with imported ingredients because nothing grows here (expect like 2 months a year) ‘cause it’s so cold.
Chilean recipes: just need cheese, bread and ham. Congratulations, u did it
Me recipes: instant ramen noodles + boiled water. Congrats myself. I did it without burning myself.
having that terrible memory of when I burnt Ramen in the microwave… thankgods i have come a long way from that
american recipes revisited: 13 amazing ways to cram a vitamin down your neck between your second and third jobs!!!!
If any of y’all want to know how to make some super dope beef stew super easily LISTEN UP
Take a couple pounds of beef and cube it. Put that shit in a crock pot.
Add 1 ½ cups water.
Add an onion soup packet.
And a glass of red wine.
Hell yeah
Pour yourself some wine too you deserve it.
Add like half an onion and season with pepper, salt, chipotle pepper, garlic, cinnamon, and cloves. I don’t measure I just dash some in and adjust to taste when I add the root vegetables.
Nice.
Mix that shit up.
Now put on high and ignore for 3 hours.
In 3 hours, add veggies. Potatoes, carrots, parsnips, turnips, whatever ya got. Mushrooms are good too. I’ll add some dried morels, crumbled up. Will post again when we get to that point.
Can recommend the above recipe, but with a dark brown ale instead of wine and with pickled walnuts added with the veggies
……man that sounds good too will have to try that sometime.
Ok meat is done through now dump in some baby carrots or chop up some regular carrots and throw in some taters. I use red because I hate peeling them fuck that. Also crumbled up a half dozen dried morel mushrooms and threw in some flour to thicken things up. Added some fresh thyme because why the hell not.
nice.
Now ignore for another hour.
As for the cut of meat; doesn’t matter get what’s cheap. Anything gets tender if you stew it in a crock pot for six hours. Spices can be tinkered with as you see fit. Add other veggies as you see fit. Nothing is set in stone do what you want, man. Sub beer for the wine, throw in pork, ‘s all good. Pour yourself some more wine or beer and play Skyrim for awhile.
Note that the finished stew can be frozen in single portions and thawed in the microwave later, and will feed either a family for a night or you for a week if you live alone.
By the way, would dumplings be addable to this?
I’m addicted to having dumplings in my stews/soups…
DO IT
Hey @systlin is there anything you’d recommend as a substitute for wine/beer to someone who can’t legally buy alcohol?
When I was in highschool, my culinary teacher gave me the greatest gift of all- the actual recipe from red lobster, he worked there for a little bit. I haven’t made a batch in forever but I’m excited.
The cheese bread biscuits from red lobster?!? Teach us dear anon submitter!!!
mix bisquick mix, cheese and milk until a soft dough forms. don’t over stir, it mixes pretty quick
grease a pan or put parchment paper down
Put dough balls about 2 inches apart, and put in oven. MAKE SURE the oven is completely pre heated, if you put it in before hand the biscuits will come out nasty.
Bake 8-10 minutes.
Melt the butter in the microwave completely. Add parsley, seasonings and stir.
Once biscuits are done, should be brown on the bottom, pull them out and let them sit for a moment before covering or dipping them in the butter. Dipping upside down means more coverage.
NOW, here is the recipe I actually use:
This recipe makes 10-12 biscuits.
3 cups all purpose Flour 1 tablespoon baking powder 1 tablespoon sugar 1 teaspoon salt ¾ teaspoon cream of tartar ¾ cup butter or ½ cup butter ¼ shortening 1 and ¼ cup milk
Preheat oven to 450. Combine flour, baking powder, sugar, salt, and cream of tartar. Using a blender/pastry blender, cut the butter into the mixture until it looks crumbly. make a well/hole in the middle of the mixture and pour ALL the milk in at once.
Now, you’ll want to add the cheese, which for this recipe you’ll want to use ¾ to 1 cup sharp cheddar.
Use a fork to stir/fold the mixture just until the mixture is all moist. Do not over mix.
Use a spoon or scoop, and scoop 12 onto a parchment paper or a greased pan surface. You’ll want to put them 1 ½ – 2 inches apart.
Bake for 10-14 minutes, until the bottoms are brown.
½ cup butter or margarine, melted ½ teaspoon garlic powder ½ teaspoon parsley 1/3 teaspoon old bay seasoning OR onion powder
Melt the butter, mix and either dip the biscuits in or cover them with a brush/spoon. If there is any left over it goes super good on french bread too.
A NYC grad student working on food stamps for her thesis has released a free cookbook for those living on $4/day.
SIG NAL BOO OO OO OOOST
hello
oooooh this is so nice!
I believe it’s important to eat well, even when you’re strapped for cash. It’s good for your health and energy! This cookbook is full of delicious and healthy recipes, the ingredients of which are fairly inexpensive.
I ACKNOWLEDGE THIS WOMAN AS A FELLOW WARRIOR AND A FANTASTIC HUMAN BEING.
Boost so hard. Feeding yourself well is a challenge when you”ve got little income
I HAVE BEEN USING THIS COOKBOOK FOR MONTHS AND IT’S AMAZING 100/10 RECOMMENDING EVERYWHERE
(just to give you an idea, my food budget is 30 euro/week at most [about $38] and I have to maintain a healthy diet due to weird medication side-effects and yeah, basically this book is a lifesaver if you’re broke but need to watch what you’re eating)
Reblog to save a life. Because it’s easy to find food for $4/day, but most of it tends to be garden variety junkfood
(The pdf is free, I repeat, the pdf is free)
And yeah, even if you’re not going to use 90% of the recipes, it’s always good to have spare recipe reference points. To quote a dear departed Portland television pitchman, “Free is a very good price.”
If you can afford to buy it, I urge you to do so! It’s a great cookbook with great pictures and it’s important to support the author! (If you can!) 🙂
I found this Youtube channel run by a Japanese chef and it’s actually better than porn? First all all his cinematography is off the charts. Youtube videos have no business looking that good. Second of all, everything he makes looks SO TASTY, and he explains the recipes in such a simple, soothing, manner. Third off all, he does this all while his two adorable kitties watch??? Like… they are so intent on what hes doing but they never run around or hop on the counter???? He has a stool for them to sit on as he makes his recipes Im gunna die
Look at this and tell me it isnt the best thing on youtube
he and his (American) wife have a youtube vlogging channel all about being an international couple and they have thREE CATS THAT HE COOKS WITH
just moving along like everyone else 