the atmosphere is lighting me on fire very, very slowly.
someone: “wow! you handled that stressful situation so well! so cool and competent!” me, unaware that anything happened: “i what now”
*forgets to breathe for 5 hours*
feel free 2 add ur own
pick one: you’re real, your companions are real, the landscape is real
these houses are wrong
my arms are 8 miles long, my feet are several light years away from my head
who’s hands are these
The Upside-down
there is glitter on my face clearly i am a magical fairy and do not belong among humans
the sky…. why is it like that???
are you sure these are my hands? better poke em with a pin to make sure
i cannot see my legs therefore they do not exist
while I was blinking, someone took all the items in this room and put them back in place slightly wrong.
why is my third eye so itchy?
am I actually hungry for ramen noodles or am I nostalgic for better times?
I am alone in this room, but I can hear someone else’s lunch digesting.
fingers aren’t supposed to do that.
I can actually see the pixels on physical items- totes fake.
All these things I own are not mine.
Depth perception is a Social Construct. *runs into a wall*
I swear to god it was 11:03 AM five minutes ago but the clock says 6:37 pm WHO LIED TO ME
did I eat today or am I remembering a meal from three days ago?
I should take a shower. Wait, my hair is wet. Why is my h…
I heard you perfectly but my brain insists you’re speaking parselmouth.
My ability to speak my native language has Abandoned Me. Please hold while I chase it down and silently scream at it for being a Traitor.
*lays on the floor for three solid hours*
Is it a migraine or is it The Reality I’ve Been Avoiding All My Life?
I am driving home. There is that curve. There is that curve…. wait where did that one house that I always clock go…. did I turn wrong? Nope there is another marker….but where did that go.
Hears conversation. Contributes to conversation. But everything sounds like its from behind a different door.
*grabs something and misses* …. I know I was in reach of that
*vividly remembers reading a certain part of a book in a completely different place and sudden feel like you are there instead of in the present* Oh I love this part of the book
… I was not aware that some of these were dissociation… I knew I did it, but wow. I do it more free than I realized.
“Why is my head a balloon and how can I reattach it to my shoulders?”
“Help I’ve sunk into the couch and I can’t get up.”
• my right eye is being swallowed by my face as we speak • like 97 percent certain i am secretly on a boat • the sun is in the wrong place wHY IS THE SUN IN THE WRONG PLACE • looks like my feet are blasting off again • am i actually driving my car or is this a very convincing first person video game
Wow fuck, I disassociated SO MUCH as a kid
Hey body, this is consciousness. Do me a favor and say the words “i’ll have two hamburgers and a vanilla cone, please” into that machine, ok?
it’s completely acceptable to stay alive for tiny reasons. because you want to hear your favorite song one more time. because your dog will miss you if you leave. because the moon is just too pretty to never see again. because you haven’t seen the next season of a really good tv show. because you want to see the christmas lights this year. if you’re alive, you’re doing enough. if you’re surviving, i’m proud of you.
It is TOTALLY available, but you need to go through a doctor. I think that any psychiatrist COULD order it, you just have to get them to get the kit, get a spit sample, and help you interpret the results. (I got a complete copy of mine. Very cool.)
Millennium bills insurance directly and your insurance might cover it or might not. Mine did, completely. It’s worth looking into, absolutely. Bring it up. I wish you luck!
Mine was surprisingly spot-on. There was one place where it said I was a responder to something I do not respond to, and one place where it did the opposite, I think, but the rest was totally accurate and if I’d had it years ago, I could have avoided the meds that messed me up the worst.
Concept: Maybe “neurotypicals” who consistently reblog post about autism and other mental disorders and illnesses because they relate to them actually aren’t neurotypical, and just don’t know it.
Even the ones who say, “But everyone does this!” might only be saying it because they do it, and therefore think everyone does, when that’s not the reality.
Like, I remember someone who very obviously had OCD saying, “Everyone gets constant, upsetting intrusive thoughts, and does things to make them go away! It’s normal!” and everyone who responded to them were like, “Uh… No, it’s really not. You have a mental illness.”
I hate how everyone is so quick to assume anyone who relates to their posts without having every aspect of their mental state listed on their blog is obviously an evil, appropriating neurotypical. Maybe they are technically neurotypical, but have one or two traits associated with whatever form of neurodivergence. Maybe they’re neurodivergent and just don’t feel like listing it. Maybe they think they’re neurotypical, and are in the process of realising that they actually aren’t.
Please don’t be so quick to judge. This gatekeeping helps no one.
This is an extremely important point.
I know at least one trans person who didn’t realize they were trans until they were talking about how much they relate to trans things. Only, it was in the context of being dismissive of trans people. “Oh, sure, of course you prefer those pronouns. Everyone does.” But that wasn’t a cis person being dismissive of trans experiences; it was a trans person not understanding that they were trans.
Same thing with a lot of mental illness stuff.
Honestly, if you relate to an experience, you have the experience. Doesn’t matter whether you have it for the same reason someone else does.
On a similar note that I was thinking about recently: perhaps some neurodivergent people who are dismissed by their parents have neurodivergent parents who don’t know it. Like, if your mom says “everyone has that” when you tell her about your depression, there’s a decent chance that she’s not minimizing you, she just has depression herself and doesn’t realize it.
Bless you all
Also important to note that not everyone lists these things on their blog.
Ive had someone angrily come at me in messages because I was reblogging BPD posts when I “didn’t have BPD” but when I explained that I do, in fact, have Borderline Personality Disorder, they were apologetic but that doesn’t take back the distress their ask caused. Same thing with gender issues.
Please don’t assume that everyone on tumblr is willing to list their mental illnesses on their sidebar like a badge.
On the subject of dismissal by parents that is absolutely a true thing that I have experienced. My dad and I both have ADHD and we only both found out when I got diagnosed like a month ago. He’s always really supportive but I’ve had a lot of really painful conversations with him where he’d be telling me the whole “that’s normal everyone gets that” thing, and it was pretty much because he’d been living his whole life with ADHD and had no clue. People judge what’s normal based on their own experiences, and because everyone tries to manage and hide the things they’re struggling with, it’s easy to assume everyone is dealing with the same problems as you when they might not be.
In trauma survivors, Van der Kolk notes, the parts of the brain that have evolved to monitor for danger remain overactivated and even the slightest sign of danger, real or misperceived, can trigger an acute stress response accompanied by intense unpleasant emotions and overwhelming sensations. Such posttraumatic reactions make it difficult for survivors to connect with other people, since closeness often triggers the sense of danger. And yet the very thing we come to most dread after experiencing trauma — close contact with other people — is also the thing we most need in order to regain psychoemotional solidity and begin healing. Van der Kolk writes:
Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives.
This, he points out, is why we’ve evolved a refined mechanism for detecting danger — we’re incredibly attuned to even the subtlest emotional shifts in those around us and, even if we don’t always heed these intuitive readings, we can read another person’s friendliness or hostility on the basis of such imperceptible cues as brow tension, lip curvature, and body angles. But one of the most pernicious effects of trauma is that it disrupts this ability to accurately read others, rendering the trauma survivor either less able to detect danger or more likely to misperceive danger where there is none.
“Social support is not the same as merely being in the presence of others. The critical issue is reciprocity: being truly heard and seen by the people around us, feeling that we are held in someone else’s mind and heart.For our physiology to calm down, heal, and grow we need a visceral feeling of safety. No doctor can write a prescription for friendship and love: These are complex and hard-earned capacities. You don’t need a history of trauma to feel self-conscious and even panicked at a party with strangers — but trauma can turn the whole world into a gathering of aliens.”
There is a mistaken notion that trauma is primarily about memory—the story of what has happened…It’s a too-simplistic view in my opinion. Your whole mind, brain and sense of self is changed in response to trauma.
In the long term the largest problem of being traumatized is that it’s hard to feel that anything that’s going on around you really matters. It is difficult to love and take care of people and get involved in pleasure and engagements because your brain has been re-organized to deal with danger.
It is only partly an issue of consciousness. Much has to do with unconscious parts of the brain that keep interpreting the world as being dangerous and frightening and feeling helpless. You know you shouldn’t feel that way, but you do, and that makes you feel defective and ashamed.
just moving along like everyone else 