important message to all of my followers

jumpingjacktrash:

sacculetta:

splendidland:

carolimejone:

splendidland:

frognoodle:

splendidland:

weeaboo-chan:

splendidland:

conglomera:

splendidland:

ommanyte:

splendidland:

imalwaysaslutforthevoid:

splendidland:

weeaboo-chan:

splendidland:

kawaii-never-cease:

splendidland:

tid3000:

splendidland:

rintezukas:

splendidland:

agpicklefeet:

splendidland:

sacculetta:

splendidland:

the-faeriedae:

splendidland:

radiation:

splendidland:

bisexualscotty:

splendidland:

straightfromtakkocentral:

splendidland:

darkisthenewlightnow:

splendidland:

amfinwat:

splendidland:

splendidland:

jeweljessica:

splendidland:

you are now all trapped in my vast puzzle dungeon. good luck.

Can I get a hint

HINT MOUSE SAYS: *in a little squeaky voice* collect the silver rod from fabio’s grotto and bring it to the bridge of malice. be sure to talk to “knight doogle” on the way.

*hint mouse scurries away into a nearby hole*

i go to fabios grotto

*you hear the sound of distant strained moaning, followed by the creaking of something getting up from an old wooden chair. something is approaching you.*

FABIO: welcome to my grotto.

I say hello to Fabio, and ask them if they have a Silver rod?

FABIO: silver rod? oh….

*fabio dissappears into his grotto and rummages around in his back room. he is gone for quite some time and hasn’t offered you anything to eat or drink, so you just stand around in his home feeling really awkward. what if he lives with relatives and they come out and say something to you?*

FABIO: sorry that took so long. here’s my silver rod. now that i remember i have it at all, it’s my most treasured posession. you’ll have to offer me something for it

i offer to knit fabio a nice hat, for when the grotto gets drafty in the wintertime.

FABIO: what a wonderful hat. thank you.

I thank Fabio for his help, and leave the Grotto to head for the Bridge of Malice.

*fabio snatches the silver rod back from you and hits you across the room with it like a baseball bat*

FABIO: help??? what help? we never reached a deal. i was simply thanking you for such a lovely hat. i demand more.

i give fabio two shoes made for dancing.

*fabio slips his new dancing shoes on. his socks are a bit wet so it makes a funny fart noise*

FABIO: wonderful boots!
*fabio does an embarrassing dance move with all the coordination of a dead windmill but he’s having fun so you’re encouraging towards him*
FABIO: but…it’s still not enough for me to part with my beloved rod…

I give Fabio a big pair of glasses for his big beautiful eyes. 

FABIO: my magnificent glistening eyes have been magnified by these lovely glasses! i can see my treasured silver rod better than ever now and it’s even more beautiful than i thought. it’ll take something really special for me to part with this..

I go ask Doogle for help

*fabio cackles and waves as you excuse yourself from his grotto, which was easier than expected because fabio seems more interested in the gifts he has recieved than your company at the moment, and head back towards the guard tower you actually passed on your way but didn’t notice until now*

*as you approach the tower, a metal face peeks around the corner*

image

KNIGHT DOOGLE: huh? what? who goes there? i left my spear in the tower but if you’re up to no good i will really go back and get it. i’m really tough.

I remove Doogle’s helmet.

*you catch doogle off guard the moment he nervously breaks eye contact with you and lift off his helmet*

KNIGHT DOOGLE: ah! my helmet! i needed that to protect my head from attacks! why did you do that?

*doogle paces around a small radius of a few feet looking very worried*

knight doogle you are beautiful

KNIGHT DOOGLE: huh? oh, thank you, that’s very sweet. but you didn’t have to just take off my helmet like that, you could have asked first. i feel so embarrased now.
*doogle shuffles back to his tower like a sad sneaking tree, and then returns, armed with a spear*

KNIGHT DOOGLE: sorry, i hope this isn’t threatening to you. i have lost all my confidence so i’m just holding this as a comfort item.

Wanna help us Get Fabio’s Silver Rod?

KNIGHT DOOGLE: fabio’s silver rod? he’ll forget about it in a week or two, he always forms fleeting attachments to things. but if you need it sooner rather than later, there’s one thing he has always desired above anything else…all i can tell you about it is that it’s small, yellow, and quite helpful.

we call hint mouse for help

*from a nearby hole, you and doogle both watch a creature, that’s small, yellow, and helpful scamper towards you. it’s the ever so helpful HINT MOUSE!!!*

*a round of applause and cheering is heard*

HINT MOUSE: *in a little squeaky voice* ahem ahem…
it is me, a mouse am i!
i only tell truths and i never lie!
reliable, helpful, and handsome to boot!
for all of your labour, i am the fruit!

*hint mouse looks around, hoping you’re all impressed by his new rhyming speech thing he’s trying out. rhyming is hard for mice because poetry is frowned upon in mouse culture*

I clap politely in appreciation of his speech and ask him if he would like to come visit Fabio with us

HINT MOUSE: thank you, i really appreciate the support. i will happily come and visit fabio with you…oh, sorry, hang on.

*hint mouse clears his throat*

HINT MOUSE: i’m always here for you, that’s my motto.
so i shall accompany you to fabio’s grotto!
you’ve supported me in all my life choices
you’re a lifelong friend to all little…moices!

*he messed up a little at the end, but he did really well, all things considering. you, doogle, and hint mouse arrive again at fabio’s grotto, however the door is closed, though not locked.*

i knock politely and ask if Fabio is home

*your knock on the door echos throughout the surrounding area, and you can hear a familiar voice call to you from inside*

FABIO: come on in…so long as you’re not a greedy thief…yee hee hee…

I smile warmly at hint mouse, look knowingly at knight doogle, and gently push open the door

*the door opens, but it required quite a shove, as it feels like something is in the way. as you step into his grotto, hundreds of items are strewn across the floor.

image
image

FABIO: oh….welcome back…!
since you’ve been gone, people have been laying items at my feet, all to get my beloved silver rod! it must be truly valuable..or truly blessed! as long as i have it, i’ll become the richest man in the caves! gah hah hah!

I turn to hint mouse and ask him to recite Fabio a poem that’ll blow his socks (and newly acquired shoes) off

*hint mouse looks back at you and nods, then leaps from your hand, hopping lightly from object to object across the room. fabio is so engorged on avarice that he’s already forgotten that you entered the room at all.*

image

HINT MOUSE: *gets fabios attention by briefly playing on a tiny flute*

the room is silent. hint mouse owns the stage now.

HINT MOUSE: ahem ahem!

you’ve gathered yourself quite a collection!
but now youve…oh…uhh…ah!! (why did i end a verse with “collection”?? this is awful…what should i do?)

I whisper ‘correction…dejection…direction…. affection’ to HINT MOUSE out of the corner of my mouth, with the realization that his hint-giving generosity has taught me how to give hints to others myself

*hint mouse is re-energized with the inspiration he needs to finish his poem*

HINT MOUSE:
you’ve assembled yourself quite a collection!
but i have arrived to give you affection.
your riches are piled right up to the cieling
but deep down i know you suffer with a feeling. (feels awkward but…i can keep going! everyone believes in me!)
you’re cooped up in here and you’re all alone
just yourself, a rod, and an old wooden throne
it doesn’t have to be that way, you don’t have to be bleak
let me introduce myself, i’m hint mouse, squeak squeak!
in exchange for the rod, i’ll be your best friend
a little yellow creature who you can always depend!

*applause is heard yet again, the crowd is going hog wild.*

*fabio takes a gentle tumble down his tower of riches and cradles hint mouse in his arms*

FABIO:
hint mouse…that was beautiful. you’d do all that just to help an old
man? you’re truly the best treasure i could ever ask for, i’ll cherish
our friendship forever…

FABIO: thank you so much all of you. i have no need for material goods anymore. the silver rod is yours to take!

*you obtained the silver rod at last!*

i bring the silver rod to the bridge of malice

*you and doogle leave fabio’s grotto, silver rod in tow. fabio and hint mouse wave goodbye to and live the rest of their lives in peace.*

*as you walk towards malice bridge, doogle turns to you.*

KNIGHT DOOGLE: sorry i didn’t say or do much back there…what happened was really beautiful though.

*knight doogle stops and thinks for a second, his ears and hair sway in the breeze and it looks so cool*

KNIGHT DOOGLE: i’ve spent my whole adult life just guarding my tower selfishly, but people like hint mouse do so much to help others. once this is over i’m going to change my lifestyle, i’ll give up the knight life.

*you enjoy the rest of your walk with doogle, and eventually arrive at malice bridge, which despite the name, is actually pretty ordinary. at the other end of the bridge, light from the surface trickles down, the way out.*

*suddenly, the air around you grows cold, a shiver travels up your spine, and a giant shimmering monster appears out of nowhere*

SILVER GUARDIAN: YOUR JOURNEY IS ALMOST OVER, TRAVELLERS! I AM THE MASTER OF MALICE BRIDGE! HAVE YOU SEEN MY MISSING FINGER ANYWHERE?

present the silver rod (or finger, i guess?) to the silver guardian! ask he how lost it, too, if it proves to be his

*the silver guardian rattles and shakes with glee*

SILVER GUARDIAN: MY FINGER! MY PRECIOUS DIGIT! OH…I LOST IT BECAUSE I WAS POKING AROUND IN MOUSE HOLES LOOKING FOR HINT MOUSE, BUT A LESS HELPFUL MOUSE STOLE IT…

*the silver guardian reattaches its finger, which is gross, so you look away while it does that*

SILVER GUARDIAN: NOW HUMAN….ARE YOU READY TO LEARN THE TRUE PURPOSE OF THE SILVER ROD?

*you tremble as the silver guardian does some really confusing poses with its hand, not entirely sure where it’s going with this.*

SILVER GUARDIAN: HEH HEH HEH….TO CROSS THE BRIDGE YOU GO IN THIS DIRECTION!!!!

*as you cross the bridge to the outside world, the rocky walls of the dungeon give way to fields and forests.at the middle of the bridge, you turn back, and all of your friends are there, and now they are all friends with each other all thanks to you.*

HINT MOUSE: go ahead and be free! meeting you has filled me with glee!
FABIO: you have people waiting for you out there, go and be with them!
DOOGLE: i’ll never forget our adventure, you can keep my helmet to remember me!
SILVER GUARDIAN: I DIDN’T REALLY GET TO KNOW YOU THAT WELL TO BE HONEST BUT YOU SEEM COOL. THANK YOU FOR FINDING MY FINGER!

*you turn around for the last time, and step outside*

THE END

this story was so perfect ;-;

i’m completely satisfied. what a good adventure.

jumpingjacktrash:

the-real-seebs:

acidicgumdrops:

hanthelion:

I asked my dad if I have ever made him cry in front of me before, because I don’t remember ever seeing him cry. He said, “Once.” He told me that when I was 3 years old, he laid out a pen, a dollar, and a toy of some sort in front of me. He wanted to see which one I would pick. I think that a lot of Chinese people do that… It represents what you’ll value most when you grow up. Like the pen is intelligence, money, is well, money, and the toy is fun. He was just doing it out of curiosity and boredom. It was interesting for him to see which one I’d pick anyway. He said that I just sat there and stared at the items. He sat across from me and waited patiently. According to him, I crawled towards them, he held his breath, and I pushed everything aside and went right into his arms. He didn’t realize that he was one of the choices. And that was the first, and the only time I made him cry.

well shit now u made me cry

aww, that’s sweet

… i am now morbidly curious as to what lifestyle that predicts.

it means you choose family above all the other things, i think

if someone had done that to me at age 3 i probably would’ve toddled off in search of food or picked a fight with my brother, which i’m sure would’ve alarmed anyone taking the test seriously

paddlewaddle:

venallie:

purrfecktlysinful:

erinnightwalker:

jumpingjacktrash:

fireandshellamari:

gilajames:

captaintinymite:

wickedwitchofthewifi:

silvermoonphantom:

rocky-horror-shit-show:

geniusorinsanity:

bigmammallama5:

voidbat:

eatbreathewrite:

writing-prompt-s:

An old and homely grandmother accidentally summons a demon. She mistakes him for her gothic-phase teenage grandson and takes care of him. The demon decides to stay at his new home.

It isn’t uncommon for this particular demon to be summoned—from
exhausting Halloween party pranks in abandoned barns to more legitimate (more
exhausting) ceremonies in forests—but it has to admit, this is the first time
it’s been called forth from its realm into a claustrophobic living room bathed
in the dull orange-pink glow of old glass lamps and a multitude of wide-eyed,
creepy antique porcelain dolls that could give Chucky a run for his money with
all of their silent, seething stares combined. Accompanying those oddities are
tea cup and saucer sets on shelves atop frilly doilies crocheted with the
utmost care, and cross-stitched, colorful ‘Home Sweet Home’s hung across the wood-paneled
walls.

It’s a mistake—a wrong number, per se. No witch it’s ever
known has lived in such an, ah, dated,
home. Furthermore, no practitioner that ever summoned it has been absent, as if
they’d up and ding-dong ditched it. No, it didn’t work that way. Not at all.
Not if they want to survive the encounter.

It hears the clinking of movement in the room adjacent—the kitchen,
going by the pungent, bitter scent of cooled coffee and soggy, sweet sponge
cakes, but more jarring is the smell of blood. It moves—feels something slip
beneath its clawed foot as it does, and sees a crocheted blanket of whites and greys
and deep black yarn, wound intricately, perfectly, into a summoning circle. Its summoning circle. There is a small splash
of bright scarlet and sharp, jagged bits of a broken curio scattered on top,
as if someone had dropped it, attempted to pick it up the pieces and pricked their finger.
It would explain the blood. And it would explain the demon being brought into
this strange place.

As it connects these pieces in its mind, the inhabitant of
the house rounds the corner and exits the kitchen, holding a damp, white dish
towel close to her hand and fumbling with the beaded bifocals hanging from her
neck by a crocheted lanyard before stopping dead in her tracks.

Now, to be fair, the demon wouldn’t ordinarily second guess
being face-to-face with a hunchbacked crone with a beaked nose, beady eyes and
a peculiar lack of teeth, or a spidery shawl and ankle-length black dress, but
there is definitely something amiss here. Especially when the old biddy lets
her spectacles fall slack on her bosom and erupts into a wide, toothy (toothless)
grin, eyes squinting and crinkling from the sheer effort of it.

“Todd! Todd, dear, I didn’t know you were visiting this year!
You didn’t call, you didn’t write—but, oh, I’m so happy you’re here, dear!
Would it have been too much to ask you to ring the doorbell? I almost had a
heart attack. And don’t worry about the blood, here—I had an accident. My favorite
figure toppled off of the table and cleanup didn’t go as expected. But I seem
to recall you are quite into the bloodshed and ‘edgy’ stuff these days, so I
don’t suppose you mind.” She releases a hearty, kind laugh, but it isn’t
mocking, it’s sweet. Grandmotherly. The demon is by no means sentimental or
maudlin, but the kindness, the familiarity, the genuine fondness, does pull a
few dusty old nostalgic heartstrings. “Imagine if it leaves a scar! It’d be a
bit ‘badass,’ as you teenagers say, wouldn’t it?”

She is as blind as a bat without her glasses, it would appear,
because the demon is by no means a ‘Todd’ or a human at all, though humanoid, shrouded
in sleek, black skin and hard spikes and sharp claws. But the demon humors her, if only
because it had been caught off guard.

The old woman smiles still, before turning on her heel and
shuffling into the hallway with a stiff gait revealing a poor hip. “Be a dear
and make some more coffee, would you please? I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

Yes, this is most definitely a mistake. One for the record
books, for certain. For late-night trips to bars and conversations with colleagues,
while others discuss how many souls they’d swindled in exchange for peanuts, or
how many first-borns they’d been pledged for things idiot humans could have
gained without divine intervention. Ugh. Sometimes it all just became so pedantic
that little detours like this were a blessing—happy accidents, as the humans
would say.

That’s why the demon does as asked, and plods slowly into
the kitchen, careful to duck low and avoid the top of the doorframe. That’s why
it gingerly takes the small glass pot and empties it of old, stale coffee and carefully,
so carefully, takes a measuring scoop between its claws and fills the machine
with fresh grounds. It’s as the hot water is percolating that the old woman
returns, her index finger wrapped tight in a series of beige bandages.

“I’m surprised you’re so tall, Todd! I haven’t seen you
since you were at my hip! But your mother mails photos all the time—you do love
wearing all black, don’t you?” She takes a seat at the small round table in the
corner and taps the glass lid of the cake plate with quaking, unsteady, aged hands. “I was starting to think you’d
never visit. Your father and I have
had our disagreements, but…I am glad you’re here, dear. Would you like some
cake?” Before the demon has a chance to decline, she lifts the lid and cuts a
generous slice from the near-complete circle that has scarcely been touched. It
smells of citrus and cream and is, as assumed earlier, soggy, oversaturated
with icing.

It was made for a special occasion, for guests, but it doesn’t
seem this old woman receives much company in this musty, stagnant house that
smells like an antique garage that hadn’t had its dust stirred in years.

Especially not from her absentee grandson, Todd.

The demon waits until the coffee pot is full, and takes two
small mugs from the counter, filling them until steam is frothing over the
rims. Then, and only then, does it accept the cake and sit, with some
difficulty, in a small chair at the small table. It warbles out a polite ‘thank
you,’ but it doesn’t suppose the woman understands. Manners are manners
regardless.

“Oh, dear, I can hardly understand. Your voice has gotten so
deep, just like your grandfather’s was. That, and I do recall you have an affinity
for that gravelly, screaming music. Did your voice get strained? It’s alright,
dear, I’ll do the talking. You just rest up. The coffee will help soothe.”

The demon merely nods—some communication can be understood
without fail—and drinks the coffee and eats the cake with a too-small fork. It’s
ordinary, mushy, but delicious because of the intent behind it and the love
that must have gone into its creation.

“I hope you enjoyed all of the presents I sent you. You
never write back—but I am aware most people use that fancy E-mail these days. I
just can’t wrap my head around it. I do wish your mom and dad would visit sometime.
I know of a wonderful little café down the street we can go to. I haven’t been; I wanted to visit it with Charles, before he…well.” She falls silent in her
rambling, staring into her coffee with a small, melancholy smile. “I can’t
believe it’s been ten years. You never had the chance to meet him. But never mind
that.” Suddenly, and with surprising speed that has the demon concerned for her well being, she moves to her feet, bracing her hands on the edge of the table. “I may as
well give you your birthday present, since you’re here. What timing! I only
finished it this morning. I’ll be right back.”

When she returns, the white, grey and black crocheted work with the summoning
circle is bundled in her arms.  

“I found these designs in an occult book I borrowed from the
library. I thought you’d like them on a nice, warm blanket to fight off the
winter chill—I hope you do like it.” With gentle hands, she spreads the blanket
over the demon’s broad, spiky back like a shawl, smoothing it over craggy shoulders
and patting its arms affectionately. “Happy birthday, Todd, dear.”

Well, that settles it. Whoever, wherever, Todd is, he’s
clearly missing out. The demon will just have to be her grandson from now on.

this is so sweet. it made me want to hug someone.

i had to

I WOULD WATCH SIX SEASONS AND A MOVIE

Okay but she takes him to the little cafe and all of the people in her town are like “What is that thing, what the hell, Anette?” and she’s like “Don’t you remember my grandson Todd?” and the entire town just has to play along because no one will tell little old Nettie that her grandson is an actual demon because this is the happiest she’s been since her husband died.

Bonus: In season 4 she makes him run for mayor and he wins

I just want to watch ‘Todd’ help her with groceries, and help her with cooking, and help her clean up the dust around the house and air it out, and fill it with spring flowers because Anette mentioned she loved hyacinth and daffodils.
 
Over the seasons her eyesight worsens, so ‘Todd’ brings a hellhound into the house to act as her seeing eye dog, and people in town are kinda terrified of this massive black brute with fur that drips like thick oil, and a mouth that can open all the way back to its chest, but ‘Honey’ likes her hard candies, and doesn’t get oil on the carpet, and when ‘Todd’ has to go back to Hell for errands, Honey will snuggle up to Anette and rest his giant head on her lap, and whuff at her pockets for butterscotch. 

Anette never gives ‘Todd’ her soul, but she gives him her heart

In season six, Anette gets sick. She spends most of the season bedridden and it becomes obvious by about midway through the season that she’s not going to make it to the end of the season. Todd spends the season travelling back and forth between the human realm and his home plane, trying hard to find something, anything that will help Anette get better, to prolong her life. He’s tried getting her to sell him her soul, but she’s just laughed, told him that he shouldn’t talk like that.

With only a few episodes left in the season Anette passes away, Todd is by her side. When the reaper comes for her Todd asks about the fate of her soul. In a dispassionate voice the reaper informs Todd that Anette spent the last few years of her life cavorting with creatures of darkness, that there can be only one fate for her. Todd refuses to accept this and he fights the reaper, eventually injuring the creature and driving it off. Knowing that Anette cannot stay in the Human Realm, and refusing to allow her spirit to be taken by another reaper, so he takes her soul in his arms. He’s done this before, when mortals have sold themselves to him. This time the soul cradled against his chest does not snuggle and fight. This time the soul held tight against him reaches out, pats him on the cheek tells him he was a good boy, and so handsome, just like his grandfather. 

Todd takes Anette back to the demon realm, holding her tight against him as he travels across the bleak and forebidding landscape; such a sharp contrast to the rosy warmth of Anette’s home. Eventually, in a far corner of his home plane, Todd finds what he is looking for. It is a place where other demons do not tread; a large boulder cracked and broken, with a gap just barely large enough for Todd to fit through. This crack, of all things, gives him pause, but Anette’s soul makes a comment about needing to get home in time to feed Honey, and Todd forces himself to pass through it. He travels in darkness for a while, before he emerges into into a light so bright that it’s blinding. His eyes adjust slowly, and he finds himself face to face with two creatures, each of them at least twice his size one of them has six wings and the head of a lion, one of them is an amorphous creature within several rings. The lion-headed one snarls at Todd, and demands that he turn back, that he has no business here. 

Todd looks down, holding Anette’s soul against his chest, he takes a deep breath, and speaks a single word, “Please.”

The two larger beings are taken aback by this. They are too used to Todd’s kind being belligerent, they consult with each other, they argue. The amorphous one seems to want to be lenient, the lion-headed one insists on being stricter. While they’re arguing Todd sneaks by them and runs as fast as he can, deeper into the brightly lit expanse. The path on which he travels begins to slope upwards, and eventually becomes a staircase. It becomes evident that each step further up the stair is more and more difficult for Todd, that it’s physically paining him to climb these stairs, but he keeps going.

They dedicate a full episode to this climb; interspersing the climb with scenes they weren’t able to show in previous seasons, Anette and Honey coming to visit Todd in the Mayor’s office, Anette and Todd playing bingo together for the first time, Anette and Todd watching their stories together in the mid afternoon, Anette falling asleep in her chair and Todd gently carrying her to bed. Anette making Todd lemonade in the summer while he’s up on the roof fixing that leak and cleaning out the rain gutters. Eventually Todd reaches the top, and all but collapses, he falls to a knee and for the first time his grip on Anette’s soul slips, and she falls away from him. Landing on the ground.

He reaches out for her, but someone gets there first. Another hand reaches out, and helps this elderly woman off the ground, helps her get to her feet. Anette gasps, it’s Charles. The pair of them throw their arms around each other. Anette tells Charles that she’s missed him so much, and she has so much to tell him. Charles nods. Todd watches a soft smile on his face. A delicate hand touches Todd’s shoulder, and pulls him easily to his feet. A figure; we never see exactly what it looks like, leans down, whispering in Todd’s ear that he’s done well, and that Anette will be well taken care of here. That she will spend an eternity with her loved ones. Todd looks back over to her, she’s surrounded by a sea of people. Todd nods, and smiles. The figure behind him tells him that while he has done good in bringing Anette here, this is not his place, and he must leave. Todd nods, he knew this would be the case.

Todd gets about six steps down the stairway before he is stopped by someone grabbing his shoulder again. He turns around, and Anette is standing behind him. She gives him a big hug and leads him back up the stairs, he should stay, she says. Get to know the family. Todd tries to tell her that he can’t stay, but she won’t hear it. She leads him up into the crowd of people and begins introducing him to long dead relatives of hers, all of whom give him skeptical looks when she introduces him as her grandson.

The mysterious figure appears next to Todd again and tells him once more he must leave, Todd opens his mouth to answer but Anette cuts him off. Nonsense, she tells the figure. IF she’s gonna stay here forever her grandson will be welcome to visit her. She and the figure stare at each other for a moment. The figure eventually sighs and looks away, the figure asks Todd if she’s always like this. Todd just shrugs and smiles, allowing Anette to lead him through a pair of pearly gates, she’s already talking about how much cake they’ll need to feed all of these relatives. 

P.S. Honey is a Good Dog and gets to go, too.

the last lines of the show:

demon: you’re not blind here – but you’re not surprised. when…?

anette: oh, toddy, don’t be silly, my biological grandson’s not twelve feet tall and doesn’t scorch the furniture when he sneezes. i’ve known for ages.

demon: then why?

anette: you wouldn’t have stayed if you weren’t lonely too.

demon: you… you don’t have to keep calling me your grandson.

anette: nonsense! adopted children are just as real. now quit sniffling, you silly boy, and let’s go bake a cake. honey, heel!

honey: W̝̽̂̿͂͝Ọ̮̹̲̪̋ͦͅO̸̘͔̬͊F̜̫͙̟͕͖̙̋ͫ͌͗

@unrestedjade. This. XD

OH MY CROP I CAN’T ;A;

It’s so sweet, I literally cried.

What if women had minstrel cycles instead of menstrual cycles? You’d just have a guy with a lute follow you around for a week every month and play you songs constantly?

My boyfriend (via thecarrionlibrarian)

#no but can you imagine if that was how you learned once a month you weren’t pregnant#by some dude singing songs about the victory of it#you wake up and he’s there and you are so happy#this dude becomes your favorite dude#but then you realize you haven’t seen your friend’s minstrel in a while#I mean everyone notices#like half the people are on the same cycle so for one week out of four your job is just flooded with fucking minstrels everywhere#the cacophony#but Mary over there is all alone#and she’s like my minstrel is late#but we all fucking know#her minstrel has gone off to find her a baby#a nine month journey he must make alone#and until he comes back there is no music in her life#what a glorious world this would be#I love the minstrels (@onionjuggler)

howtolivefatandhappy:

larkfeather1153:

thebibliosphere:

moonblossom:

skyline-sunset-in-my-veins:

icouldbereadingnow:

skyline-sunset-in-my-veins:

notquitesogrump:

iflewbikes:

Carrie was an utter gift.

I normally don’t like to add to posts, but this is just one of my favorite things about her. I guess Carrie Fisher just carried glitter everywhere, because she did the same thing at Indiana Comic Con when she was there in 2015. She actually kinda got in trouble because she was taking so long with each person who came for autographs because she wanted to “baptize them” with her glitter. She wanted to make sure that everyone who saw her got some glitter.

tldr; she was truly a gift and i sobbed at work when i got a notification that she passed, and i’m crying now as i type this.

So what if we all picked a day and wore glitter for her? 

Next May the 4th seems appropriate.  Dedicate Star Wars day to the original princess?

LET’S DO IT!!

I am so on board with glitter for Carrie day.

She talked about how her therapist (I think it was in her book Shockaholic but I can’t check right now) always knew when she was having an ‘off’ time in her head depending on how much glitter she’d show up wearing to appointments. It was her way of making the world sparkle and shine even when it felt dark. It made her feel better. Evidently she wanted to share that with others.

I purposely went out and bought glittery body dust in her honor. I’m going to welcome in 2017 lit up like a firework. Ain’t none of y’all going to ever be able to hug me ever again without getting covered in glitter. It’s on. We’re doing this. And on May 4th we’re going to make the world shine.

For Carrie.

Glitter for Carrie Day is May 4, 2017. Spread the word.

Yaassss! (I love this, and her and glitter and let’s!)

rhube:

tragiccottonball:

smoothmintjazz:

I really want to know the story behind this

Hello new followers of my blog because of this picture. Here’s the story:

I work at a Veterinary Hospital that does both dog and cat boarding. This is our cat boarding room, and the cat you see there is Professor Jiggly. His full name is actually Professor Jiggly Hammish, but there wasn’t enough room on the post it note to write that. Professor Jiggly is a Bengal kitten (currently 10 months old). My job title is Animal Caretaker, so I get to feed and clean up after and play with all of the boarding pets. Professor Jiggly is not my cat, but he does have an owner. He is not for adoption and is extremely well-cared-for. He has already gone home and is no longer boarding at the clinic but he will be back again.

Professor Jiggly is loud. Anytime you walk into the cat room he is meowing for all he is worth, sticking his paws through the bars of his condo for attention. So I let him out to explore the room. You can see I tried to give him a couple of toys and I even sprinkled some catnip for him but he just wanted to check out the room. I put a post it note on the door so that no one would open the door and accidentally let him out into the rest of the clinic. 

This was as I was walking away to go tend to someone else, and he was was meowing because he wanted me to go back in there and pet him.

Rereblogging for the story behind Professor Jiggly.

devereauxsdisease:

victorineb:

violacakes:

zimmbonibitty:

jacksbits:

dweeb-town:

concept: Jack Zimmermann walked in on Shitty holding the “yo marry me jack zimmermann” sign once and kind of winked and said “i think you’re gonna have to buy me dinner first, eh?” and shitty fell over laughing and when jack caught bitty holding it he had ever intention of doing the same thing but then his mind went blank and all he could picture was marrying bitty, but somehow, still didn’t realize how gone he was on him 

       

                       
                                                                                              #no I bet you their whole y2 friendship was jack getting these too-friendly impulses and then going blank and being like #‘haha…weird’ (tags via @nicepasses)                                         
       
   

               

               

       

‘probably gonna have to deal with that later’ 

and then when Bad Bob said the thing he said, Jack got a searing white insta-montage of all those stray thoughts he had discreetly filed away, and it was like he downloaded two years of romantic and sexual frustration into his brain in three seconds flat.

It’s amazing that he and Bitty survived their first kiss and didn’t spontaneously combust right there with all those flammable boxes of Sharks memorabilia.

@wrathofthestag @devereauxsdisease @disraeligearsgoestumblin @desperatelyseekingcannibals @tcbook

The Falcs do a PR push for Valentine’s Day, looking for the perfect Valentine for their leading scorer and new Alternate Captain. Instagram and Twitter go NUTS, Yo Marry Me Jack Zimmermann posters appear at every game. So many people have proposed to Jack via social media and at the rink, that our boy’s face is basically bright red for the whole month of February. 

Georgia sees the hullabaloo and develops a PR Plan. Every day, the Falcs post a picture of one of the players holding the sign. Tater has the sign in one hand and a ring pop in the other. Thirdy has a veil on. Marty is proposing to one of the Jack toys. Even Parse gets in on the action, because, let’s face it, he needs attention, and posts a picture of himself and Jack in Qs with the caption I asked him first

The final pic of a small blond man holding the sign, he’s wearing a Falcs bow tie and holding what appears to be a real ring. The next day there’s a pic of Jack positively beaming, arm slung around the blond and ring on his finger, holding a sign that says Yo, I Said Yes

And that’s how Jack comes out. 

@wrathofthestag @disraeligearsgoestumblin @victorineb – there, I kinda wrote a mini fic…does that count? 

feynites:

minesottafatspoollegend:

i love in fantasy when its like “king galamir the mighty golden eagle and his most trusted advisor who would never betray him, gruelworm bloodeye the treacherous”

When my sister and I were kids we had this one action figure, who was actually a brutalized batman doll without his cape (the dog chewed half his head, too), who we dubbed ‘Evil Chancellor Traytor’. The idea was that in the fictional society of our toys, ‘chancellor’ just came with the word ‘evil’ in front of it, as a matter of ancient tradition. Like ‘grand’ or ‘high’ or something along those lines.

Anyway, the running gag was that the king (an old Power Rangers knock-off doll) had absolute and unwavering faith in Evil Chancellor Traytor, who basically comported himself like a mix between Grima Wormtongue and Jafar from the Aladdin movies. Everyone was always sure that Evil Chancellor Traytor had something to do with the nefarious scheme of the day. The dude even carried around a poisoned knife called ‘the kingslayer’.

The additional twist on the joke, though, was that he never was behind anything. The king was actually right. Evil Chancellor Traytor was the most devoted civil servant in the entire Action Figure Dystopia. He spent his nights working on writing up new legislature to ensure that broken toys had access to mobility devices, was always on the lookout to acquire new shoeboxes for expanding city infrastructure, and drafted a proposal that once got half the ‘settlement’ in my sister and I’s closet moved to the upper shelf so that vulnerable toys were less likely to be snatched up by the dog.

The knife, as it turned out, was as symbolic as the ‘evil’ in his name. See, Action Figure Dystopia had a long history of corrupted monarchs getting too big for their thrones and exploiting the underclasses. The job of the Evil Chancellor was to always remain vigilant, and loyally serve a good ruler – or, if the regent should became a despot, to slay them on behalf of the people.

But since killing the king would be a terrible crime, the Evil Chancellor had to be the kind of person who would willingly die to spare the people from the plight of a wicked leader; because the murder would be pinned on them, in order to keep the ‘machinery of politics’ working as smoothly as ever.

Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor had a diary, in which my sister I would take turns writing out the most over-the-top good shit he’d done behind the scenes. Usually after everyone else had finished talking shit about him. I don’t know why but we got the biggest kick out of being like:

Barbie With the Unfortunate Haircut: Oh that Evil Chancellor Traytor! Why can’t the king see how wicked he is?!

Charmander From the Vending Machine: Char!

Jurassic Park Toy of Jeff Goldblum With Disturbingly Realistic Face: At least if someone puts a knife in the king’s back, we’ll know where to look!

Evil Chancellor Traytor’s Diary: Today I was feeding ducks at the park when I noticed another legless action figure sitting by the benches. I put a hundred dollars into his bag while he wasn’t looking. I really need to increase budgeting to the medical treatment centers. If only we had enough glue, I think we would see far fewer toys trying to get by without limbs… *insert iconic evil laugh*

Anyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor eventually fell victim to one of my mom’s cleaning sprees, and she decided he was too busted up to keep and tossed him out. My littler brother, who tended to follow my sister and I’s games like he was watching a daily soap opera, cried so hard that we had to do a special ‘episode’ where one of the toys found the Evil Chancellor’s diary, and so he got a big huge memorial and the king threw himself into the empty grave and then ordered the toys driving the toy bulldozer to bury him so that ‘Traytor’s grave would have a body’ (this seemed very important for some reason).

And then we had the Quest For a New King. Somehow or another that ended up being a giant rubber snake called ‘Tyrant King Cobra’.