I think a huge part of the ignorance about aromanticism is that people fundamentally misunderstand aro relationships because they simply do not have any frame of reference for what it would be like to live without romantic feelings. Non-aro people completely miss the point when they imagine their life as exactly the same, but with the romantic feelings and relationships removed, and extrapolate that that’s what aro people’s lives are like, because for a lot of people… it’s not.
It’s the same misunderstanding when cis people try to imagine what it would be like to be trans by thinking “what if I wanted to be a boy?” and straight people imagine their partner and their relationship as exactly the same, just another gender.
That’s why we get all this bullshit where allo people act as though all relationships must fit neatly and obviously into either ‘romantic’ or ‘platonic’ categories, because… their relationships do. That’s why we hear stuff like “lol what you are describing is a friendship!” when aro people talk about QPRs, because for them, any relationship that lacks romantic affection is a friendship. Because they are not imagining their life without a relationship that is committed, incredibly intimate, exclusive, and prioritised above all others.
Aro people can still desire a level of intimacy and commitment with somebody that everybody else gets from romantic relationships, without wanting a romance: sharing everything – space, money, belongings, time – having a level of emotional and even physical intimacy that is not common in friendships, being committed to one another, making that relationship a priority above other things in your life, basing major life decisions around that relationship… these are all things that most people fulfil through romantic relationships, and aro people can desire that kind of intimacy without feeling or wanting romance.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if you don’t understand QPRs or the aro experience. You don’t have to understand it to respect it. At some point you have to acknowledge that you don’t understand because you have not experienced it, you have no frame of reference for it, and you will never really know what it’s like because those are not one of those people. The validity of aro people’s experiences does not hinge on whether or not non-aro people understand or accept them.
If you don’t believe being asexual has any negative affect on people I was told by a psychiatrist that none of my relationships count because we didn’t have sex, and
I can’t say I’m gay since I don’t want to have sex with girls.
and I was taken off my antidepressants because they may be lowering the libido I never had in the first place (plus various other reasons, but still immediately, cold turkey, which should NEVER happen unless they’re switching you to something else)
But aphobia doesn’t exist and asexuals are privileged, right?
Sorry to add to this but I wanted to say since I’ve had bad experiences with mental health professionals and biphobia, I usually get asked “but are you sure you are sexually attracted to both sexes, are you sure it’s not just an emotional attraction?!” Like my dude don’t you think I can tell the difference between wanting to date someone and wanting to be friends? Also, due to be gray ace 90% of the time I am not even attracted to anyone but like sure, make me feel guilty that I can’t “prove” my bisexuality.
Sorry too but to add on, being aro isn’t much different. I told my therapist and she was immediately concerned that my meds were repressing “all my emotions” and wanted to take me off them. My insurance ran out and I went off them bc of no money before that happened. She also suggested dating someone anyway to “fix” the “issue” and expressed concern that my emotions (romantic feelings) weren’t present because “I’m suspicious and untrusting of everyone and don’t want to try hard enough.”
Having your orientation medicalized and invalidated is bad enough, but its fucking dangerous to have your meds taken away because you’re not performing relationships the way some doctor thinks you’re required to.
Aaaand this is why we need the bi/pan/ace/aro alliance.
this is why we need to recognize more queer experiences and identities than gay and lesbian, through increased awareness, information and representation.
Ace 1: idk what it is. do u know what it is?
Ace 2: I mean I guess it’s kind of like when you really want pizza but? It’s? Someone’s? Body?
Ace 1: uhhhhhhmmmm
Ace 2: *vague hand motions*
i drew granny again but this time shes flying around using the aro and ace flags as a cape bc shes aroace. “but she wouldnt do that theyre too colorful it would mess with her aesthetic” shhhhhhhh irrelevant
Romance: unknown, seems to be “best friends with sex”. I’m clearly missing something. (People treat it as separate from sex, a bigger deal than friendship) So: what is romance.
I don’t really entirely know. I would have pretty much agreed with that definition at one point, but there are people who have romance without much friendship, and now I just don’t even know. It doesn’t appear to be inherently sexual, although there’s a ton of correlation. I have no idea.
Romance, IMO, is when you don’t just Have Feelings about someone, you also Have Feelings about Having Feelings about them. Barring that, just watch the Addams Family movies.
wow, it is really hard to explain how romance is different from friendship. i feel both toward seebs, and they’re not the same. and it’s not remotely just sex. but any attempt i could make to explain it would just turn into poetry. i can’t be concrete about it.
i think romantic love is one of those things that can’t be explained directly, like enlightenment.
just moving along like everyone else 