so i’m still thinking about the update and how dex’s reaction to the double dibs is …not just a joke. like yes it’s defs part of the enemies to friends to lovers thing that nursey and dex seem to have going on and it was humorous (i laughed) but i also keep coming back to this specific piece of dialogue right here:
and like the “–i can’t.” gosh i just…idk if i’ll say this right but those two words /kill/ me. cause this is dex still coming to terms with himself, still grappling with that internalized homophobia, imo at least.
we’ve seen this sort of develop as we’ve seen more of dex: there’s been that baking euphemism that first popped up in “tadpoles” when he offensively uses baking as a metaphor for being gay in reference to bitty. in the tweets, he had that moment when he asked if “1 in 4 maybe more” was really true, which i think he was talking both about others (the internalized homophobia is alive and well my friends) as well as himself in that moment (another way of him asking “am i gay?” without knowing how to).
but then he’s also shown to have regular convos with shitty talking about politics and gender and whatever else comes up. that baking metaphor comes up again: he bakes at hausgiving (“my brother won’t let me live this down”). he’s rethinking this world-view he’s been fed (his brother not letting him living baking and what it represents down suggests there’s a lot of homophobia at home) and challenging his position, starting to think differently.
then in the year 3 tweets the baking euphemism yet again: dex likes baking, he’s good at it, it’s something that makes sense to him, he helps bitty out in the kitchen regularly. while a very indirect way of saying it (maybe i’m reading too much into it lol), but if we follow dex’s original comparison of baking=gay, ngozi seems to be suggesting to the reader that dex is now no longer just accepting others, but that he is also gay and starting to accept himself. he’s starting to be okay with himself, and some of that internalized homophobia is chipping away.
that brings us to “dibs flip” which most people have interpreted as dex and nursey reacting to rooming with their crushes which isn’t a faulty interpretation imo. ngozi sarcastically suggested she doesn’t ship the frogs, and she’s talked about nursey and dex’s relationship in the same coy way she has talked about zimbits before they were canon. (whether nurseydex happens before bitty graduates is debatable but i think ngozi wants us to pair the two romantically). so anyhoo what i’m saying is: nursey and dex like-like each other lmao.
and dex’s reaction here screams some form of that remaining internalized homophobia. “–i can’t”: he can’t deal with these emotions he’s feeling – he hasn’t dealt with them cause it’s scary and it’s one thing to hypothetically be into dudes…it’s quite another to specifically want to kiss one and to have to live with him and see him all the time everyday.
this is way long what happened but i just. wow!! i feel a lot about dex learning to love himself especially in regards to this update cause he’s getting there but he’s still scared and unsure and boy!!! okay
just moving along like everyone else 