Tag: alright then

jabberwockypie:

patrickat:

bernardperroud:

Utroba Cave in the Rhodope mountains, Bulgaria. Carved by hand more than 3000 years ago (?), it was rediscovered in 2001.

Archeologists
hypothesize that an altar built at the end of the cave, which is about
22 m deep, represents either the cervix or the uterus.

At midday, light seeps into the temple through an opening in the ceiling, projecting an image of a phallus on to the floor.

When
the sun is at the right angle, in late February or early March, the
phallus grows longer and reaches the alter, symbolically fertilizing the
womb before the sowing of the spring crops.

These people were drawing dicks on the ground with the sun in 1000 BCE. All you fools messing with Sharpies need to step up your game.

“Hee! That looks kind of like-”

“Come on, self, don’t make it weird.  It’s just a cave.”

*reads article*

“Oh.”

galacticpages:

magnolia-noire:

gluten-free-pussy:

I read an article about how Millennials don’t carry cash on them and got annoyed and literally yesterday I was out with a group of friends and NONE of us had cash

I mean if you get robbed you can cancel the card and transactions. if you get robbed for cash that’s it man

millennials are ruining the robbery industry.

mrbenwyatt:

ghostcongregation:

all bugs can be organized into one of three categories: homies, chillers, and haters. hornets and wasps are haters. mosquitos are haters. most spiders are homies cuz they eat shitty bugs, some spiders are chillers cuz they dont really do anything, but also some spiders are haters because they’ll kill you. learn to tell the difference. bees are homies but they become haters if you fuck with them. most beetles are chillers but if they’re the kind of beetle that flies really fast at your face then they’re haters.

image

jumpingjacktrash:

variablejabberwocky:

raisedbyhyenas:

xenagabrielle-af:

actual ad from when Subaru was marketing directly to lesbians in the 90s

#is this real

yes! here’s an article about subaru marketing directly to lesbians

This search for niche groups led Subaru to the 3rd rail of marketing: They discovered that lesbians loved their cars. Lesbians liked their dependability and size, and even the name “Subaru.” They were four times more likely than the average consumer to buy a Subaru. […] Subaru decided to launch an ad campaign focused on lesbian customers. It was such an unusual decision—and such a success—that it pushed gay and lesbian advertising from the fringes to the mainstream.

If you’ve ever wondered why people joke about lesbians driving Subarus, the reason is not just that lesbians like Subarus. It’s that Subaru cultivated its image as a car for lesbians—and did so at a time when few companies would embrace or even acknowledge their gay customers.

#it took me a little bit#it’s the fucking license plates

and the tiny pride flag bumpersticker

and even the “red&blue gays” thing with the car colors

joke’s on the straights, subarus are fucking indestructible. i have a hybrid now bc seebs wanted one, but generally i’ve had subarus since i was 16, when my dad bought a junked powder blue 1984 subaru 4wd wagon, had it towed to our yard, and told me, “if you can fix it, you can have it. otherwise i’m breaking it down for parts.”

i fixed it. i drove it until like 1992. it was easier to fix and more robust than any other car i’ve been under the hood of. it was better off road than some trucks i’ve driven. it handled the cold better, was about even with overheating when gridlocked on a summer highway, and never gave me problems with condensation in the fuel or brake lines the way some other cars have when it’s humid or they’re drenched from heavy rains or driving through shallow water.

hell, i once drove that wagon through a storm runoff puddle that turned out to be up to the top of the wheel wells, and it powered on through. i hit a patch of black ice and steered the skid into a window-high snowbank to avoid spinning into the opposite lane, and the only problem i had backing out and getting underway again was the fact that the car was full of screaming freshmen at the time.

er. so what i am saying is. i’m a car nerd. and super gay. and it’s cool of subaru to appreciate that.

mr-baberaham-lincoln:

lovelyladylunacy:

paintedlikestars:

lovelyladylunacy:

perfectlynormalhumanbeing:

lovelyladylunacy:

lovelyladylunacy:

lovelyladylunacy:

socialjusticethespian:

lovelyladylunacy:

lareinaxcvi:

lovelyladylunacy:

why does no one ever talk about how lewis and clark met why isn’t that taught in history classes it’s like some rom-com meet-funny trope and i’ve literally never heard it brought up. literally the start of one of the most famous friendships in america and no one talks about it.

Wasn’t Clark just Lewis’ commanding officer? I guess I don’t know this story either. Can you tell it?

yes!! oh my god!!

so at twenty-one years of age, stupid stubborn hotheaded ensign meriwether lewis decides to get hella drunk and crash the party of one of his superior officers, starting an argument over politics (namely, defending thomas jefferson, his neighbor and veritable father figure) and insulting his host and basically being an embarrassment. so, he’s arrested and leveled with a court martial!! because this ridiculous boy can’t mind his fucking manners when he’s tipsy apparently!!

but instead of having to explain to his poor mother why he got booted out of the continental army, he’s acquitted (”with honor” bc apparently i’m not the only one who plays favorites when it comes to meriwether lewis), but he has to be reassigned so he doesn’t piss off his commanding officer again (awk). and whose brand new sharp-shooting rifle unit does he get transferred to?? take a wild guess!!!! that’s right, william clark’s!!!! and over the next six months meri falls deepfuck in totally platonic bro-love with him until clark resigns his commission for family reasons. then, roughly eight years later, lewis writes him to ask if maybe he’d like to travel to the ends of the earth by his side and, well, the rest is history.

But how do you know it was platonic

i hope you guys understand that when i say “platonic” i say it in the patronizing sarcastic tone of voice i always use when i talk about meriwether lewis’s big ol’ crush on his bff. maybe i can’t prove totally that he was v gay and probably at least a little bit madly in love with clark, but damn i wanna believe love exists ok.

lewis’s obvious sexual repulsion of women, his inability to find a wife, his desire to live with clark after the expedition, that last letter he wrote to clark before his violent death that we don’t have because clark burned it – we can read a lot into all of this if we want to, but even besides all of that the point remains that meriwether lewis was intensely fond of clark, and that they cared deeply for one another, and that their personalities complemented and completed one another in a way that makes you think twice about soulmates.

actually, sacagawea was a sixteen-year-old kidnapped shoshone girl sold into sexual slavery to a french trader named toussaint charbonneau, who pissed power couple lewis and clark off to no end due to generally just being who he was as a person.

whereas lewis had no real interest in women from what we can tell from his writings, he actually wrote about how much he admired sacagawea’s extreme fortitude and numerous skills that helped them throughout their journey. lewis also actually delivered sacagawea’s child!! she had a very difficult birth (probably because she was a child), which sent lewis into multiple kinds of panic. clark, however, really doted on sacagawea and her son; he gave them both nicknames, looked out for their safety during the trip, and was very close to them even after the expedition and ended up adopting sacagawea’s son. he was also a notoriously bad speller and i don’t think he ever spelt charbonneau’s name correctly ever not even once (which makes me think of the blenderdick cucumberpatch meme tbh).

i mean yeah there’s also a lot of angst here too because after the expedition their lives went in very different directions. 

clark comes home and immediately acclimates to a hero’s life. he gets married and has a son who he names meriwether lewis clark after his best friend. he has a respectable government position and lives a long and happy life.

meanwhile lewis struggles to get accustomed to civilized life again. he misses the freedom of the expedition. he still sleeps on buffalo skins spread out on his bedroom floor. he writes that he is determined to find himself a wife but no woman can seem to stand him; one even flees town in the middle of the night to avoid seeing him again the next day. with his lifelong history of depression (which comes in bursts which, to me, seem a lot like manic depression), lewis spirals downward. he’s hated and conspired against in his political career, he starts to drink heavily, he stops talking to all of the people who had been closest to him. 

he finally works himself up to taking a trip to dc to deliver his journals to jefferson and on the boat trip up he attempts to kill himself multiple times. he’s described as appearing frantic and afraid, and tries to calm himself down by repeatedly telling himself that clark is on his way, that clark will be coming to save him. we know that at this time he wrote clark a letter, but clark burned it so we don’t know what it said. i’m ashamed of the things i’d do to get my hands on that letter.

lewis dies in an inn on the natchez trace of two bullet wounds, and it’s still debated whether it was suicide or murder; everyone close to him seemed to accept it was suicide, including clark, who wrote, “oh, i fear the weight of his mind has overcome him”.

But what happened to Sacagawea and her son?

ok, more on sacagawea, because she deserves any and all the credit she gets plus a whole lot more honestly:

when sacagawea was about 12 years old, she was kidnapped by the hidatsa tribe and sold alongside another shoshone woman to charbonneau as his “wives”. charbonneau was officially hired by lewis and clark not just because he was a french fur trader who knew the pacific northwest territory as well as the hidatsa language, but because sacagawea’s knowledge of the shoshone language and people would benefit them as they traveled through their lands. sacagawea was not just some inconvenient extra, she was a purposeful and valued addition to the corps.

sacagawea had her son, jean-baptiste, while l&c and co. ™ were still wintering at fort mandan, so she was literally carrying this child on her back for the entire journey. she was also the only woman travelling in the corps! and she was given duties! strong and capable and literally perfect i love her so much!

while travelling on a riverway, the boat sacagawea was travelling on capsized, and along with saving her son she also rescued valuable supplies and papers; both the captains were blown away with how well she acted under that sort of duress (and how badly her husband did lmao). travelling through native lands, tribes were more likely to think these men were not dangerous purely because sacagawea was with them, so she literally saved their white asses through association. she was a necessary and important figure in council meetings between the corps and tribal chiefs. clark called her “janey” and called her son “pompy”. (cute.) when they do get to the ocean, sacagawea literally demands clark (which she would have to do through like three layers of translators) to let her go to the shore with them, because damn it she worked just as hard as anyone else and she wants to see the fucking whales man.

perhaps most remarkably, when the corps finally did encounter the shoshone tribe, among the very first group of people they encountered was sacagawea’s brother, who she hadn’t seen for five years. that’s. so incredible. like, that’s one of the most amazing things to me. this survivor of child sexual abuse bravely treks across huge stretches of territory with a military expedition and is reunited with her family, however briefly, and. god. i’m crying.

sacagawea was not paid for her contributions to the expedition, because the contract was with her husband. she gave birth to a daughter, lisette, six years after the expedition. she died at 25 years old of a sickness she apparently had throughout her adulthood (which may have been further complicated from her early abuse and pregnancies). after her death, clark adopted both of her children.

i love this beautiful brave bird woman just as much if not more than i love my adventurous southern sons.

@theworldasainoit

i’ve seen a lot of comments about the really sorry state of spelling and grammar in the expedition journals, and just wanted to let everyone know that, since no one had a dictionary with them on the expedition, they had to spell out words phonetically, and for the most part everyone wrote how they talked. by that logic, linguists have determined that by reading the journals of expedition members aloud you can actually start to mimic their accents! lewis was a virginian with some book learning, so his passages tend to have more eloquent language and less visible accent. however, clark was kentucky born and bred, and manages to misspell “mosquito”more than sixteen different ways.

Also, there’s a national memorial in Montana that Clark carved his name into, called Pompey’s Pillar. Clark named it after Sacajawea’s son.

faded-mind:

theangelshavethetimeturner:

invite-me-to-your-memories:

i understand the historical reasons why English is the most common language

but if I was writing a speculative fiction novel

and I said “the language that most people learn as a second language, usually for professional reasons, is also the only one with a spelling system so terrible that spelling words correctly is a broadcasted competition”

you’d be like “extremely unrealistic 0/10”

i never thought of this, do other languages not have spelling bees?

#no we don’t

notnights:

consuelodoodles:

maxiesatanofficial:

psiidmon:

stushcinta:

kayinnasaki:

So I’m looking up stuff for types of horses and what sex was used when with knights and stuff and I accidentally bump into a thread arguing the gender of chess pieces.

And it just keeps being weird.

These Heterosexuals are wild.

it is with a heavy heart that i must say the hets are at it again

ilulzmetuna is the ken m of a new generation

Logically if the queen is female then pawns are female also because when a pawn reaches the end of the board it usually becomes a queen. However since a pawn can actually become any piece once at the end of the board, that means if the queen is female, and the pawn can become the queen AND any other piece, then that means knights, rooks, and bishops are female as well.

Therefore, every piece on the chess board is technically female save for the King. Thus that makes the king important because of his reproductive capabilities more than anything else. His lack of mobility and purpose otherwise means that the King is like a drone in a bee hive rather than any kind of important authority.

Tldr: logically all the pieces are female and also bees

logically all pieces are female and also bees