So I’ve written before about how to lose yourself in activities, how to make friends, how to get out of the four walls of your apartment (which will drive you mad, if you don’t) and experience your new city on its own terms. So I won’t talk about that.
Instead, I’m going to talk about the invariable, unmovable, awful terror. And how you will survive it.
Because it is unmoveable, at least at first. There is….a certain measure of terror inherent in moving to a new place and right then, you can’t do anything about that except feel it. You can distract yourself from it, with long walks and fun meetups, mixers, and various other assorted activities. You can drink (I do not advise this, it’s not a good long-term strategy) or engage in risky sexual behaviors (ditto) or neither and see a therapist instead (yes, please). You can throw yourself into work, you can get a dog (something I’ve seen members of my cohort do) you can choose to hone one of your hobbies. There are a lot of distractions, the world is full of them.
But at the end of the day, you will lie in bed in a strange place, and the terror will be there for you. Waiting.
I’m personally convinced it’s because your brain thinks you’re dying.
After all, a tomorrow that doesn’t look exactly like today, or at least reasonably similar, translates as a terrifying and uncertain blankness. It’s an abyss. It may as well be death. The human brain—an extremely stupid organ, built to identify poisonous berries and remind us to run away from things with teeth—thinks you are stepping off the edge of the world.
The terror is limitless, and senseless, in that it feel endless and engulfing, and will not listen to sense. It doesn’t matter how many times you reassure yourself that this will pass. It doesn’t matter that you know—know, with a certainty born of experience—that the terror will slide, slowly, into familiarity and routine. There will be a morning when you wake up, and cannot imagine a time when your dresser wasn’t exactly there, when you didn’t take that route to work in the morning, or know exactly where to go for lunch. The blankness will give way, inscribed by all the great and small details of a new place, and you will be fine.
The terror doesn’t care. The terror is convinced that this time, this time, you will not be fine. This time, you are definitely going to die.
(Depending on how you define it, I have moved somewhere between five and nine times, and lived in over four states. It’s mostly a lopsided triangle through the Midwest: Illinois to Michigan, Michigan to Kentucky, Kentucky to Illinois. A brief couple months in Boston for an internship, then back to Illinois. The longest I ever stayed put was in Chicago: an astonishing eight years and six different addresses. A couple months in Kentucky, then on to Philadelphia, a city I’d seen for the first time when I was brought in for an interview.
I was terrified, each and every time.)
The terror doesn’t care about ambition or your wanderlust or your fancy, logical reasoning. The terror doesn’t care if you have done this five times or nine times; if you know it will be fine, if you have controlled for every variable, if you are an expert. You can stare at maps and take notes and get excited while making new and wonderful plans; you can breathe, in and out and in again. But the terror is a senseless animal, and it cannot picture tomorrow.
The terror says: you are stepping off the edge of the world. You are dying.
Unfortunately, the only way to prove it wrong is to point yourself in that direction and walk.
I will say the distraction helps. My transition to Philadelphia has been smoother, in many ways, because now I know to search “things to do + philly + this weekend” and get out of my apartment; I take long walks, I’ve picked up photography. What used to take me a year has taken me two months simply because I’ve pushed myself to get out into the city and not be afraid. I go into restaurants and bars alone; I visit museums. I ruthlessly, shamelessly, force myself to enjoy my life here, in this specific place.
Of course the terror is still there, and it sneaks up on me sometimes, but it doesn’t have to own me. And that—if anything—would be my advice. You’re going to have feelings, they’ll be messy and ugly and paralyzing but the only way out is through. Get on the plane, get off it again. Point yourself in that direction, and keep on walking.
tbh a lot of my advice boils down to “hey you know that terrible horrible looming thing you’re doing your best to avoid and distract and escape as much as possible but no matter what you do it just keeps looming and looming and ruining your life”
Here’s a cool trick to see if a man actually respects you: try disagreeing with him
A friend of mine did something with online dating where, before meeting a person, she’d say no to something minor without a reason for the no. For example: “No, I don’t want to meet at a coffee shop, how about X?”, or “No, not Wednesday”, or “No, I don’t want to recognize each other by both wearing green shirts”. She said how the potential dates reacted was a huge indicator of whether she actually wanted to meet them, something I readily believe.
I’ve mentioned this to a few people and sometimes I get very annoyed and incredulous responses from guys about how are they supposed to know that it’s a test if the girl is being unreasonable? How are they supposed to know that and let her have her way? I find it difficult to explain that if you find it unreasonable for someone to have a preference of no consequence which they don’t feel the need to explain, then you are the one being unreasonable. You can decide for yourself that it sounds flaky and you don’t want to date her, but you don’t have a right to know and approve all of her reasons for things in order to deign to respect that she said no about it. Especially in the case of someone you haven’t even fucking met yet.
The point isn’t to know it’s a test, the point is that if you would only say “yes” if you knew it was a test, then what if it’s not a test, but because she hates coffee shops, or because she’s attending a funeral Wednesday and doesn’t know you well enough to want to share that, or whatever else? Because if you’re making rules for when other people can have preferences and not explain why… yeah, that is a thing they can reasonably want to avoid.
a while back i mentioned this very method as a way of testing a new friendship, and got some pushback from all genders. toxic people exist in every category, and their response to an unexplained refusal will out them every time.
i mean, i’m sure some of those objecting were simply idealists who found the notion of testing a new friend unpleasant. but mostly it was the “but what if it’s unreasonable” objection. my dudes, that is the damn point.
you know, i think a lot of folks aren’t understanding that the test isn’t to see whether you’ll obey without question.
the test is to see whether you’ll throw a shitfit.
like if someone says “i don’t want to meet at a coffee shop, how about seafood shack?” and you’re like “uh er well, problem, i’m allergic to seafood and also confession time i picked a coffee shop because i’m broke,” that is a reasonable, calm response, and you passed the test. you can then agree to go do a low cost non-seafood thing like feeding ducks in the park, and all is well. it’s okay that you didn’t agree, because you were friendly and civilized about it.
you would’ve failed the test if you’d started drama over it, like “oh my god are you always this hard to please???” or if you’d ignored their objection, or tried to bullrush them like “no we’re doing it my way because i asked first“ or something. that’d be a fail.
and the one that rain implies, and which straight men do to women all the fucking time and it is SO RUDE, is demanding an explanation. “BUT WHY???” is the whine of a 2-year-old, and does not belong in polite conversations between adults. it is the prelude to an argument. you demand that the other person explain themself, and they know you’re going to pick at their reasons and try to get them to concede that logically they don’t get to object. it’s incredibly obnoxious. people who do this are not good at relationships.
asking reasons for troubleshooting purposes is something you can do once you know someone a little better, and have some idea what their life situation and conflict resolution styles are. once they know you’re not going to try to wheedle them to exhaustion like a toddler, you can be like “any particular reason? maybe we can find a coffee shop that doesn’t have that problem.” but when meeting a stranger for the first time, you are not owed an explanation, and it comes across as dangerously entitled and pushy to demand one.
but since you don’t do that, dear reader, you’ve no need to worry about this technique becoming widespread. it won’t affect your relationships at all.
It seems half the people I meet are “working on a book.” I met one at the supermarket this week. He wanted to tell me about struggling with his opus—at great length. I tried to be polite, but as my bourbon-caramel gelato began to melt, I suggested he join the Nightwriters in San Luis Obispo—an excellent group for writers at all levels. (And you still have time to enter their annual writing contest, The Golden Quill Awards. More info in Opportunity Alerts.)
“Oh no,” supermarket man said. “I’ll never show my book to anybody. They might steal my ideas. They can read it when it’s published.”
And I got a couple of messages this week from writers who had the same reason for not sharing work. They’ve been told to blog, but fear people will, yup, “steal their ideas.”
These are people writing in a vacuum. They don’t realize that ideas are everywhere, and most writers have more than they can use in a lifetime. These wannabes also don’t know creative writing needs to be read by dozens of critiquers, beta readers, and editors before it’s ready for publication. […]
10 Things To Think About When Moving In To A New Apartment With New Roommates, A List I Just Made Up And Is Not At All Inspired By The Horror Story of My Personal Experiences.
1) holy cannoli that is a lot of bodies to share a space with. Be aware that that is…a lot of bodies to share a space with, and you might have to carve out a cubicle in he library, or a practice room in the Music Building, or somewhere else where you can go to be alone. This is not a moral failing, just know that option is open to you.
2) be really really up front with what you need. Notice I did not say “exactly how you want your life to look”—I mean the things you absolutely cannot give up. For instance, if you know that Roommate B’s habit of listening to music without headphones in the kitchen will make you go insane axe-murderer on her, that’s something you need to talk about with Roommate B.
This is especially important if you’re crammed into a 8×10 space with someone. Clarifying with your Bedroommate that you need quiet after 10pm—or you’re not helping walk the dog—or you sometimes need time to yourself & it’s not a reflection on her—is something to talk about now rather than later, when you’re more likely to have an argument than a discussion.
3) Chances are, you will have to compromise on what you need anyway. Communication just makes it more likely to reach a genuine compromise, where everybody isn’t tearing their hair out or suppressing anger.
4) Have a chore wheel, or at least agree on a system for taking care of the mess. It’s the dorkiest thing in the entire world, but a chore wheel where you guys are explicit about when everybody needs to do their stuff, is the easiest way to head 50% of fights at the pass. If possible, spell out what each task means: “clean the bathroom” = “wiping down the shower, windexing the mirror, cleaning the toilet bowl, and sweeping the floor”
Someone is still not going to do their job and you’re going to have a repeat of the cold war over a stack of dishes in the sink. But at least if you can point to the chore wheel it’ll be resolved much more easily.
5) Be very clear on what each roommate is paying for. Are you guys going to share groceries? Split only basics like toilet paper, spices, milk and eggs? Is the stuff in common areas (dishes, pots, tables, books, tvs) communal? Do you owe anyone for using it?
6) I recommend a monthly roommate meeting. We used to have ours at 10pm on Sunday, because everyone was generally in the apartment then. We used the Roommate Meetings to pay bills (rent and utilities) but also to talk about any issues we felt pertinent.
And I only had 2 roommates. With 5, you probably definitely need a time to circle up and get shit in order.
7) There is never going to be enough counter space, table space, general-flat-surface space for all your junk. Never. I live alone with a kitchen island and tabletop cart and there isn’t. It’s some sort of law of the universe.
8) Be reasonable. You can hate how loud Roommate C’s friends are all you like, but she is entitled to have them over Friday night for board games. If she cleared it with you beforehand, Roommate D’s boyfriend can come stay for the week even if you’re sick of seeing his face over your oatmeal. Flexibility and understanding from you means you’ll get the same in return.
9) But also, be prepared to enforce your boundaries. If Roommate D’s boyfriend decides not to leave after a week, and actually looks like he might be de facto moving in, you’re well within your rights to approach D and your other roommates and talk to them about how that isn’t what you signed up for.
10) WHAT TO BRING (on top of the typical stuff that I imagine you’re already bringing, like a bed, sheets, towels, clothes, etc.)
Cleaning products.
You will need them. Probably immediately after showing up when you realize the previous tenants didn’t do an A+ job.
1 pot, 1 skillet, 1 pan, a knife and a wooden spoon
(I don’t know if you’re planning on cooking much, but you can cook pretty much everything in the entire universe of food if you have these five things.)
Command strips.
The best part of command strips is now not only can you hang that cool poster, but they come in hooks too. I hang practically everything from command hooks—all my cooking spoons, towels, necklaces, keys. The easiest way to organize stuff.
A couple rubbermaid or general storage boxes, of a size that will fit under your bed or in the back of your closet.
You are 100% going to have stuff that you need, but not right now: your stash of winter clothes, extra pads or tampons (if necessary), spare cleaning products, the iron, shoes you really only wear with this one outfit, etc. Stick all that stuff in a box to keep the mess from sprawling everywhere.
Tape and scissors.
Do not ask me why you (or your roommates) will end up needing tape and scissors, I don’t know. But you will.
At least 1 of your favorite things.
Look, it’s not always the first night, or even the second. But there’s going to be a night when you’re finished unpacking and the excitement of a new place has worn off, when you lay in bed and your heart finally realizes you aren’t home anymore. That you are in a strange place, and everything is going to be weird and different for a while until you settle into it. And you are going to feel an awful, niggling panic and misery rise up from the center of you like a cold tide.
And then, you’re really going to want your favorite book, or Nutella, or that comic you’ve been promising yourself, or whatever it is that won’t…really make anything better, but might make you feel better about it
You were never meant to be here. Never forget this. You are an ape of the equator, built to run the savannah and swim in tropical waters. Whatever terms and conditions your body has, they are void here. Mother nature never certified to function in a Death World.
Enduring the cold is never a matter of “how much” as much at it is “how long”. Think of it as the water levels of the vieogames you have played. No matter what equipment enables you to remain longer, you can’t stay there indefinitely. The coat that keeps you warm and toasty for three hours in -15 is enough to keep you functional for an hour of -40.
Whatever the locals say, listen to them. Err to the side of caution if you must. You may not endure what they can endure, but you SURE AS FUCKING NOT cannot survive what they say cannot be endured.
That being said, alcohol is a filthy fucking liar and so is anyone who offers it to you. The warmth it gives is an illusion, and a sign of damage. You are worse off feeling comfortable with a mouthful of whiskey as you are freezing your gonads off stone cold sober.
Winter tires. Studded winter tiers are a MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH when you drive on a frozen road. That being said, whatever the locals tell you that your car will need to run as theirs do, take it. Taking the risk of being pranked is worth survival, and you can always stab their tires in the spring if they were shitting you.
Eat. For the love of god, make sure that you eat. Heavier meals might be unpalatable at first for someone used to lighter nutrition, but maintaining bodily warmth in a cold climate takes up a lot of energy, and you will feel tired and drowsy for a long while shile your metabolism adjusts to producing more heat than Mother Nature ever intended. The skinny people in your party are especially vulnerable, ensure their well-being on a regular basis.
If you have a smartphone/other essential technology on your body, keep them close to your body to keep them warm. They were not designed to be frozen any more than you were.
Sleep is death. SLEEP IS DEATH. Never, ever stop to rest in the cold, if you do not have the means to make a fire/otherwise produce heat. The cold tires you out because keeping warm takes energy, but taking a rest will not return your energy. If you feel the need to sit down and rest because you are tired because of the cold, call for help. This is not a hyperbole, if you feel like you are too tired to go on in a cold climate, CALL A FUCKING AMBULANCE. If you fall asleep in the snow, you will not wake up. Hypothermia can and will literally kill you.
Avoid skin-to-snow-contact if you can. It hurts because you were not supposed to do it. Consider ice to be like acid. Touching is bad for you.
Feel free to add to the list if you feel like I missed something.
Some things to add from a native northerner moved south who’s surrounded by people who know fuck-all about harsh winter weather:
If you are expecting severe weather that might take out your electricity, and you can afford a generator, GET ONE. They aren’t terribly cheap but you can find one in the $400-500 range at Home Depot or any other store like it really.
Gas up your car. Seriously. If your power goes out and you need to move because your current residence is in the sub-fucking-zeros you need to have fuel to get where your going. Not only that but even IF you don’t have anywhere to go, sitting in a car with the heat running is much better than freezing your ass to death in your house.
Stock up on water bottles and canned goods. You will need both if you get snowed in. Eating is absolutely essential to staying alive, because as OP stated, keeping warm burns a LOT of calories.
If you have time before the storm hits, buy some good, thick blankets. Wool or fleece are your two best bets. Hell, if you can’t find a good place to get blankets, go to Walmart and buy straight up fabric. The more, the better.
If you have a pet reptile, and the power goes out and the temperature inside your house is very cold, don’t feed them, and don’t leave them in their tank. Take them out, put them on your chest, and wrap yourself in a blanket with them. The best way at this point to keep them alive will be to share the body heat you have.
Bring your pets inside. Yes, I’m looking at you, Nancy with the “outdoor cat”. Their cute little toe beans will freeze the fuck off and they’ll die of hypothermia. I don’t care if your 300 pound Tibetan Mastiff isn’t housebroken, unless you wanna explain to your 2-year old why Captain Fluffball is frozen to your front porch, bring him in.
If you have a fireplace, utilize it, but don’t set a fire inside your house that you can’t control. And don’t use fucking gasoline. That’s how you blow shit up.
If you’re stuck out in the cold and you start to feel tired and strangely warm, you have hypothermia. Get the fuck to a place with actual warmth. Leave your clothes on. The cold is lying to you. You’re not hot, you’re slowly freezing to death. If you can, call a fucking ambulance.
Remember that extremities freeze first. That means your toes, your nose, and your fingers. Layer the fuck UP. If I have to go out in the snow, I usually wear a pair of knit/fleece gloves under a pair of snow gloves. And then I duct-tape that shit to the sleeves of my coat. It looks silly but it keeps moisture from getting stuck in there and freezing my hands off. For shoes, wear boots and like, 3 pairs of socks. The warmer and fuzzier, the better. Your feet will thank you. If you have a ski mask, use it. If not, wear a scarf and wrap that shit as tight around your face as you can.
On the topic of moisture, if any part of you gets wet while you’re outside, locate the nearest warm place you can go to and take the wet garment off and dry that shit. I don’t care if it’s your socks, your shirt, or your undies. Get em off and get em dry. Wet clothes are a fast way to get yourself frozen to death.
If you absolutely need to do shit outside, velcro or duct tape your gloves and boots to your sleeves and pants. I know it will limit your movements a bit. I know that it will look stupid. I know it will be hard to get off. But duct tape doesn’t let SHIT through it. And as I’ve mentioned before, you don’t want ANYTHING you’re wearing to get wet.
If you do have a portable heater or fire or heat in your home or whatever, have a fan blowing too. It will spread the warm air around faster. It might not feel warm at first, but it’s circulating the air. It will heat up eventually.
If you’re with other people, huddle up with them. Share your body warmth. Have a nice cuddle session with your friends/family/neighbors. It might just save you.
IF A CHILD IS IN THE SNOW, THEY WILL FREEZE A WHOLE FUCKIN LOT FASTER THAN YOU WILL. This doesn’t mean be chivalrous and give them your coat. It means you pick their tiny ass up and shove them IN your coat or hold them as close as you can while you try to get to a warmer area. The smaller they are, the faster they freeze. Time is absolutely critical. And if your kid is out in the snow, you need to be out there with them and keep your eyes on them at all times.
Finally, invest in a blow dryer. If your hair gets wet and you gotta go back out in the cold, you’re going to be miserable as fuck. Blow dry your hair so it can be nice, warm, and voluminous when you go back out to punch Jack Frost in the face.
(I’ve been reading so many posts about earth being Space Australia the Death World that I didn’t even notice there weren’t aliens in this one until my third read-through, so I’m counting it for the blog theme.)
A few further points from me, having grown up in Canada’s coldest major city:
The wind can be even more dangerous than the cold, and if your skin is exposed to it, it can freeze and even necrotise. Frostbite is a serious medical problem. So bundle up; wear a touque, wear your hood up, wear a balaclava or hike your scarf up over your nose because you could lose it otherwise. If the wind gets in your face, walk backwards. That’s not a prank; walk backwards.
If it’s really cold, your gloves aren’t going to do shit; you’ll want mittens and handwarmers. It’s not convenient but at least you won’t be dropping fingercicles on the frozen pavement.
There is no such thing as winter chic. Not in a place with a real winter. You’re going to look like a bundle of cloth if you dress properly anyways, so there’s no sense in trying to be stylish about it. There is no fashionable/unfashionable, there’s only practical/impractical
Get a block heater for your car; if you come from a cold place, it’s probably standard equipment.
If you fall through ice into frozen water and can’t climb out, allow yourself to freeze to the ice – someone might see you and save you, even if you pass out.
Snow is a great insulator and if you need to, you can build shelter out of it. A quinzee is fastest. It can keep you alive if you are lost.
PUT A SHOVEL IN YOUR CAR. PUT AN EMERGENCY WINTER SUPPLY KIT IN YOUR CAR.
In a blizzard, do not travel. I know you’d rather be home than stuck at work overnight. But low visibility in a blizzard is not the same as low visibility in fog. You can get easily twisted around in areas that you know like the back of your hand, and no one will be able to see you to help you if you need it. Do not travel in blizzards.
Related to this: the normal rules do not apply in the cold. You can knock on a stranger’s door for help; you can take strangers in to warm up. You can approach a stranger in the cold and offer them rides if they look like they need help. Children should know that if forced to choose “talking to strangers to ask for help” and “freezing to death,” they are to choose “talking to strangers.”
If you ARE too warm in your many layers, but it is still deathly cold out, DO NOT unzip your coat. Lowering the temperature of your core is dangerous. You can easily cool down by removing a mitt or glove. You can lose fingers and toes if your extremities aren’t protected, but if your core gets too cold you can die.
Do not go ANYWHERE without appropriate winter gear, even if you think it’ll only be a quick jaunt from here to there. You never know when your car will break down or get stuck. You need that coat.
Don’t leave either your children or your pets in your car while you go into a store, or my god what is WRONG with you?
Everyone who has grown up in a cold climate knows what it feels like to be so cold you can’t bend your fingers or feel your face, knows what it’s like to be so cold that touching anything warm burns, to be so cold it takes hours to warm up, to be genuinely worried that they’ll lose their fingers or toes. No one will judge you for being so cold you start crying only to have your eyelashes freeze together. We’ve all been there. We will help.
Fun fact – after moving to a much colder area I’ve gained 6 kilos. Skinny people can and will store additional fat – it’s to help them survive after changing climate zones. If you are moving to another climate area (namely, colder climate area), invest in a better wardrobe. Boots with thick sole. In Russia we have valenki and we wear woolen socks underneath
Wool is your friend. The fluffier the better. The more fluff the better insulation. Skiing clothes are also a good help, especially coupled with other layers and wool. And, oh! If you can, get one of those:
Woolen shawls like these ones are usually handmade, so as to preserve the fluff, and they are wonderful for heat insulation. You can use one for yourself, you can bundle up your kid, and it’s gonna be warm and snug. Like, I wore one when we hit a -30C streak a while ago, and it was nice.
GUARD YOUR HIPS! I mean, it’s pretty easy to bundle up your torso, but your hips and thighs and knees… Yep. Not so much. If you have some woolen kneewarmers for arthritis, or you can procure some for yourself – do it.
Okay wear does one acquire such a shawl because I a) need that for aesthetic reasons and b) it’s so fucken cold in my house help
(Google tells me that this is an Orenburg Shawl)
The reason wool is great is because it stays warm when wet, polar fleece does too but never seems as toasty.
If you allergic to wool and can afford it get silk long underwear and sock/glove liners and wear them under woolens. If you can’t afford it try to find a cheaper alternative. Also figure out which kind of wool you are least reactive to because even with a base layer you are going to get itchy.
Back to pets: if you have fish and the power goes out cover the tank with space and wool blankets right away. Every once in a while check the temp, if it is falling below ideal scoop out some of the water and warm it over a camp stove, not too hot, then gently pour the water back in. This will also help aerate the tank a little. plus it gives you something to do if you’re bored.
Also, if you know the powers is likely to go out you should fill the tub/buckets with as much water as you can. You can boil it for warm drinks and bucket flush the toilet, which you’re going to want.
Edited to add: this is no joke. My cousin’s friend fell asleep in his car a couple winters back and froze to death. It happens. Be safe.
I have had several friends move to Canada and not realize that you can lose fingers. Also, if it doesn’t look like you gained 30 pounds its not a winter coat.
Canadian here: A good winter coat isn’t necessarily “you gained 30 lbs” unless you’re north of the tree line, but that’s a good guideline. Personally I swear by military-issue wool trenchcoats as a nice combination of thin, flexible, full-coverage, water-tolerant (and mildly resistant), warm, and usable in the summer – but keep in mind that we bottom out at -20 here in a typical winter. (Our big problem is that it’s wet and windy.)
A few tiny details I can add:
When shopping for a coat, check the fastenings (zipper, buttonholes, etc) for a cover flap that can be anchored in place (on a zipper, generally by velcroing to the other side of the zipper; on my trenchcoat it’s sewn over the buttons). Even if it looks like a good coat otherwise, this is a dealbreaker – without it, the wind will stab you directly in the chest with a thousand needles at the slightest provocation.
That thing above about the blow drier? Downplays how miserable wet hair is. It will freeze. Into icicles. Directly on your neck/face. And insult to injury, you will lose hair if and when you break one.
Get a backup battery for your phone. When traveling, keep it in a pocket against your body. Your phone is your only lifeline in an emergency, when you need help you will need it now, and cold eats batteries for breakfast. Having a warm battery can make the difference.
Do not drive faster than the locals, unless you have no particular will to live. Ever. Of particular note, 4WD/AWD doesn’t make a single fucking bit of difference on ice. Every year in my area a couple people get killed because they forgot that.
On a related note: If you have to drive in the snow, your instinct will be to follow the tracks of the last guy. This is generally good advice – in most snow conditions it will improve traction – but be careful. There have been a few times I almost followed someone’s tracks right into their accident.
Layer with different materials. Wool is a great insulator, but knit wool in particular is extremely porous; you want something tighter either below or above it.
Do not cross running water without a bridge, or still water without an experienced guide or a clear manmade trail. (Do not drive across a body of water period. This is an advanced skill, and failing will kill you. You are not a local.) You’d think this would be obvious, but every year when I lived in Truro at least one person would get to watch their car floating away on an ice floe – if they were lucky.
The Norwegian Mountain Code is a short list of basic rules to follow when TRAVELLING IN HARSH, COLD TERRAIN.
If you need to take a rest while out and there is deep snow, MAKE A SNOW CAVE. Snow is airy. It will insulate. Make sure the entry is BELOW THE SPACE WHERE YOU WILL REST as warm air travels upwards. The smaller the cave, the less air for you to lose body heat to. MARK THE CAVE with skis, branches, anything tall. Call for help. It helps to know where you are – a GPS is useful, your phone will do.
BRING THE SHOVEL INSIDE. You might need to re-open the entrance if it’s windy. You can always use your skis to dig a cave if needed be.
You can make a sitting/laying place inside the snow cave from twigs or branches to avoid contact with the snow.
When dressing, ALWAYS layer:
innermost layer is wool. Always.
outermost layer waterproof. Windproof inside of that one.
remember that clothes will not keep you warm. AIR KEEPS YOU WARM. Make sure your layers are not too tight – you want your clothes to TRAP AIR between you and the environment to minimise heat loss.
Re-emphasizing the ‘Cold Sucks The Life Out of your Battery’ – I don’t know how many times my car battery died due to the bitter cold. Like, it just went ‘nope, too cold’ and refused to start my car.
My friend has to go take pictures for work, even in the winter – She makes sure to have her phone plugged into an external battery tucked inside her bra, cord strung through her coat sleeve, because her phone battery alone goes from ‘100%’ charged to ‘10% charged, plug in!’ with zero apps running, in less than a half hour. I have watched it happen. Warmth saves your batteries. cold kills it.
ALSO: WOOL, NOT COTTON! Wool wicks water away from your skin, and stays warm even when wet. Cotton will hold that soggy foot sweat right to your skin, and suck all your heat away. Tends to give you boot blisters faster, too. That cotton T-shirt getting sweaty is going to drop your core heat fast af if you open your coat.
i saw a post encouraging new artists to practice and then other people discussing how it’s intimidating, and kind of condescending, to be told to practice without being told how or why. and i thought i would chime in to say that what works for me is to think of it as studying.
it’s like this: if you are in class, you take notes, right? drawing from life, practicing, studying, it’s just like that. your notes aren’t an essay. they’re not a finished work. they’re definitely not an authoritative document. they’re just your observations on the subject. you’re talking to yourself about what you’re learning: summarizing here, elaborating here, jotting down reminders there, trying to get a handle on new material.
take some paper and a pen, and approach virtually anything, from a cat to a flower to a trash can, as if you were making notes on it. but now your notes are visual.
draw the leaves of the flower, observe the veins, the stem, the petals, the shadows. cross out what seems wrong, try a couple times to get some detail right, focus on different parts, try different angles of approach. you’re not trying to Draw A Beautiful Flower, you’re just talking to yourself about what makes that flower a flower. you’re free of the terrible pressure of Making An Art: instead, you’re just studying. it’s okay to take your time, throw away the notes that don’t work, fill up a whole journal on leaves that don’t look good.
the best way to get good at anything is to embrace the process of learning, and to do that you have to recontextualize ‘failing’ as part of the process of discovery.
so when people tell you to practice, don’t get frustrated, and don’t give up. you’re not making one bad drawing after another. you’re just taking notes on the way to whatever comes next.
i keep coming across fanfics where the characters try so very hard to hide their feelings for fear of rejection, they have to be tricked into admitting they care. of course, because it’s fiction, some convoluted plot forces them to confess, and they live happily ever after. but we all know, in the real world, telling someone you have Feelings for them is just as likely to make them bolt. these authors are writing from experience.
i understand that fear. i do. i lost count of how many guys sheepishly faded into the woodwork upon being told i liked them and wanted to date for realsies, not just hook up occasionally. it hurt. it made me feel like i wasn’t good enough, like they were ashamed to be seen with me, like i was unlovable.
but darlings, you deserve someone you can be honest with.
ask for what you want. if you don’t give them the chance to say no, there’s no chance anyone will say yes.
apply for jobs you’re not qualified for! audit upper-level classes! get drunk with your TAs! see that poster advertising that lecture series? go there take notes and ask questions! thank the presenter for talking about this topic you love! if the class is full before you register, email the professor and ask if they can squeeze you in! RAISE YOUR HAND! tell the disability accomodation office to do their goddamn job! ask for help! file complaints! go to class in your pajamas and destroy the reading! you got this! you KNOW you got this! be arrogant enough to learn EVERYTHING! take your meds! punch a velociraptor in the dick! fear is useless and temporary! glory is forever! shed your skin and erupt angel wings! help out! spread your sun!
i had a really good morning! you deserve a really good morning! kill anyone who says you don’t and build a throne from their bones!
Sometimes people like to write things about florist’s shops. Here are two things you need to know, the most egregiously wrong things.
1. It makes no fucking sense to sketch out a bouquet before you make it. Every individual flower is different in a way that cannot really be adjusted the way other building materials can be adjusted, and each individual bouquet is unique. Just put the fucking flowers together.
2. No one — in months and months of working at the flower shop — has ever cared what the flower/color of the flower means. No one’s ever asked. It’s just not something people tend to care about outside of fiction and it’s certainly not something most florists know. You know what florists know? What looks good and is thematically appropriate.
Here’s an actual list of the symbology of flowers, as professionals use it:
Yellow – for friends, hospitals Pink – girls, girlfriends, babies, bridesmaids Red – love Purple – queens White – marriage and death (DO NOT SEND TO HOSPITALS) Pink and purple – ur mum Red, orange, and yellow – ur mum if she’s stylish Red, yellow, blue – dudes and small children Blue and white – rare, probably a wedding Red and white – love for fancy bitches
Here are what the flowers actually mean to a florist:
The Fill It Out flowers:
Carnations – fuck u these are meaningless filler-flowers, not even your administrative assistant likes them, show some creativity Alstroemeria – by and large very similar to carnations but I like them better Tea roses – cute and lil and come several to a stalk, a classy filler flower Moluccella laevis – filler flower but CHOICE Delphinium – not as interesting as moluccella but purple so okay I guess Blue thistle – FUCK YEAH, some fucking textural variety at last! you’re getting this for a dude, aren’t you? Chrysanthemums – barely better than carnations but better is still better Gladiolus – ooh, risky business, someone understands the use of the Y-axis, very good
Focal points:
Long-stem roses – yeah whatever Lilies – LBD, looks good with everything, get used as often as possible Hydrangeas – thirsty fuckers, divas of the flower world and rightly so, treat them right and they make you look good Gerbera daisies – the rose’s hippie cousin, hotter but no one admits it Peonies – CHA-CHING, everybody’s absolute favorite but you need guap Orchids – if this isn’t for a wedding you’re probably trying too hard but they’re expensive so keep ordering them
You know what matters? THE CUSTOMER’S BUDGET. THAT’S TELLING.
-$20 – if you’re not under 12, fuck off, get your sugar something else $30 – good for bouquets but an arrangement will be lame $40 – getting there, there’s something that can be done with that. you can get some gerbs or roses with that and not have them look stupidly solo. $50 to $70 – tolerable $80 – FINALLY. It sounds elitist but this really is the basic amount of money you should expect to spend on an arrangement that matters. That’s your Mother’s Day arrangement. You’re probably not going to spend $80 on a bouquet. $90 to $130 – THE GOOD SHIT, you’re likely to get some orchids $130+ – Weddings and death. This amount of money gets you a memorial arrangement or a handmade bridal bouquet. Don’t spend this on a Mother’s Day or a Babe I Love You arrangement, buy whosits a massage or something.
Miscellaneous:
Everything needs greening and if you don’t think that you’re an idiot.
As a new employee, when you start making arrangements, you can’t see the mistakes you’re making because you’re brand new and you’re learning an art form from the ground up.
With a few exceptions customers don’t have a clear plan in mind. They want you to develop the bouquet for them. They want something that will delight their little sweetbread but you’re lucky if they know that person’s favorite color, let alone flower.
Flower shops don’t typically have every kind of flower in every kind of color. Customers generally aren’t assed about that. Most people don’t care about the precise shade of the rose or having daffodils in July, because they’re not boning up on flower language before they buy. That would imply that they’ve got a clear bouquet in mind and, again, they don’t.
Being a florist is essentially a lot like what I imagine being a mortician is about. You’re basically keeping dead things looking good for as long as possible. You keep the product in the fridge so it doesn’t rot and look horrible by the time the family gets a whack at it, and in the meanwhile you put it in a nice container.
Anyway that’s flowers.
As someone who has a degree in this shit, even though I decided to run and hide one year after I got it because the life of a florist just wasn’t for me, I can confirm that this is 100% accurate
just moving along like everyone else 