Tag: ?

Most white people, especially rural white people (I grew up in a town of 2000 in Ohio) don’t have any concrete culture, they don’t have a unique form of pottery, special wedding dresses, a musical style going back 500 years, special rituals and dances to celebrate things. They are completely reliant on corporate culture to provide them with a sense of identity and purpose, they don’t have Hanbok dresses or special flutes native to their peoples, they have Taco Bell, the Steelers, Applebees, deals on make-up at the dollar store, deal on shirts at TJ Maxx. They have thrown away culture for corporate capitalism, they are empty inside, a vacuity of soul, an emptiness that leads to narcissism and extreme justification in the face of all facts. They don’t want to admit, they are ‘hollow’ inside.

Noah Cicero (via pleaseshutthefudgeup)

I don’t necessarily think this is untrue but I don’t know why the target has to be poor people in rural towns. At the very least it is definitely not “especially rural white people”

(via micawindow)

something really bothers me about this reduction of the notion of ‘culture’ to, like, specific artifacts that supposedly express the essence of some monolithic ethnos. ‘this pottery and these dances give me identity and purpose’ sounds more like the words of people clinging to a dying culture as it’s subsumed into the capitalist world-system than the way that culture works outside of that

like, it’s primarily in the retrospective view that these things take on the sort of meaning that i think is being attributed to them here. when you’re an archaeologist digging through successive layers of dirt, you say ‘each one of the cultures that lived here had its own distinct style of pottery’. but for all you know a person actually alive making one of those pots would have just said ‘this is a pot i made and it looks like all the other pots everyone else makes’. nothing distinct about it

there is a point to be made that white americans are primarily passive consumers of their own ‘culture’ rather than active participants in its reproduction, and that that’s probably a problem, but that would require acknowledging that (1) this is true of people in every capitalist country, even in those dark and mystical corners of the world where people still supposedly ‘have culture’, and (2) what’s represented as ‘real culture’ here, bitingly juxtaposed with a list of consumer goods, is in fact nothing more than a different list of consumer goods. hanbok dresses and special flutes can be mediated by capitalist commodity relations in the exact same way the steelers or dollar-store make-up are

(via quoms)

Yeah this shit is a perfect example of an incredibly orientalist framework being masked as resistance to it. Non-white cultures spring from some primordial a historic “spirit” while white culture is grounded in a material history and power relations. If the person that wrote this were to attempt some sort of consistency they would be saying that no culture exists because all culture articles is embedded in history and societal relations (which make something “not-culture” because….?)

Anyway instead of this racist orientalist white person (who provides the *perfect* example of how “white guilt” is not a progressive thing) you should instead check out what Kwame Anthony Appiah has to say about the concept of culture

(via memecucker)

has this person ever been to a homecoming game or a county fair? lord.

(via soyeahso)

Corporations are part of our culture, we just don’t like to admit that. It only seems hollow if you cling to reactionary notions of authenticity.

(via brainstatic)

The history you should know before calling yourself a caps fan

vncntphntmhv:

this is gonna be a special rant bc my ass actually logged onto tumblr on my computer and it was special requested to put out some knowledge bc apparently no one cares enough about the caps franchise before we got successful and thats a BIG ISSUE for me so we’re gonna start at the very beginning.

The Very Beginning:
Think of the worst team in the NHL right now. Who came to mind? The Oilers? The Leafs? Okay now imagine them like 8,000 times worse and you get the inagural 1974-1975 Washington Capitals hockey team. Widely regarded as “the worst team to ever skate”. The worst record right now is the Vancouver Canucks with a record of 27-34-13. The Caps inagural season record? 8-67-5. If going down in the record books as the literal worst team in NHL history here are some other records they hold:
-Fewest wins by an NHL team playing at least 70 games
-The worst winning percentage in history (.131)
-Most road losses (39 out of 40)
-Most consecutive road losses (37)
-Most consecutive losses (17)
The Washington Capitals earned themselves a total of 21 points that season, which is just truly astounding to think about imho because HOLY SHIT this team made history by being the worst
Things became really unstable for The Washington Capitals throught the rest of the decade. The Caps varried from “horrible team burn it all to the ground and start again” and “we were in playoff contention until literally the last day of the regular season”. The good thing to come out of all the pain? Dem draft picks son. Y’all should know at least one of the guys because his number is hanging in our fucking rafters. #11, Mike Gartner. Dude finished second to Gretzky for Rookie of the Year honors (i believe in the WHA). Gartner played with the Capitals for nearly ten seasons and when he was traded to the Minnesota North Stars, he held the records for franchise leader in career goals, assists, and points. Even with Ovi, Backstrom and Bondra (who we will get to later) taking over he still stands as 3rd, 4th, and 3rd respectively.

Moving Out or Moving On?
Because of the Capitals awful records, there was serious talk of the team leaving D.C. and fans were like “lmao you thought” so #SaveTheCaps started and two major things happened to ensure the caps would stay. One of the biggest trades in frachise history gave us Rod Langway, Brian Engblom, Doug Jarvis, and Craig Laughlin (We know him as Locker now) for Ryan Walter and Rick Green. You know who else is up in the rafters? Rod Langway. #5. They man, the myth, the legend. The named captain who led the Capitals to post-season appearances every year he played in Washington, which was 11 btw. Langway is probably one the greatest, if not the greatest defenseman in franchise history and with Langway, Gartner and later drafted Dman Scott Stevens the Capitals would have their first ever playoff appearance in 1983. Needless to say, we didn’t go very far. We lost to the 3 time defending and going FOUR the Dynasty New York Islanders. This turn arround essentially assured that the Capitals were #HereToStay

The Miricale Run
Fast forward a couple years because if you want to look at all the post-season defeats do it on your own time though I recomend looking up the Easter Epic game because holy shit bruh. Anyways, the year is 1998 and the Capitals are in fucking form. You got Peter Bondra, Dale Hunter (Also a retired number, look him up), Joe Juneau and Oatsie (who was a great player but an awful coach), and my personal favorite OALLIE THE GOALIE. I don’t have time to tell you all about these guys but please, please look them up because I will fight skin and teeth to see Bondra (#12) and Kolzig (#37) hanging in the rafters. Anyways, The capitals defeat the Bruins, trump the Senators and in a dramatic OT GWG by Joe Jeneau in game 6, pass the Sabres to make their only Stanley Cup finals appreance. Unfortunately, the Capitals would not hold up against the defending champs (Detroit Red Wings) and got swept in 4 games.
(Fun Fact: in this season Oates, Housley, and Hunter all hit 1,000points, the only time in NHL history 3 players on the same team reach the same milestone in the same season)

Sad times in DC
The season after the miricale run the caps finished with a record of 31-45-6 and the team was sold to current owner and probably the sweetest owner ever Ted Leonsis (luv u Ted).in 2000 an 2001 the Caps won b2b SE division titles but lost to the fucking pens in the first round. After the 2000-2001 season actual fuckface Oates demanded a trade but management was like “nah, plus cause ur a fuckface you don’t get to be captain anymore lmao”

Why I hate Jaromir Jagr
In the summer of 2001 the capitals signed the biggest fucking contract in NHL history for living legend Jaromir Jagr. $77Mil over 7 years. We gave up a lot of young and good talent for Jagr and he played like he didn’t want to fucking be here. Look at his numbers from the last year playing with the Pens (121 points) his highest year with the Caps (79 points) and the year after he got traded to the Rangers (123 points). Jagr was suppossed to be our franchise guy and while I respect the accomplisments he has acheived and I recognize his undeniable talent and I acknowledge his title as a literal living legend who is still playing at 43 years old, fuck that guy for what he did to us. After this whole debacle, the Capitals went into rebuild mode trading Bondra to the Sens and Gonchar to the Bruins and if there was one good thing that came out of this it was Oh Captain, My Captain Alexander Ovechkin.
(Side note: during this rebuild Robert Lang the League’s leading scorer was traded mid-season, the first time that has happened, yet another milestone)

The Ovi Era

Guess who we got in 2004? Take a wild guess because the Pens could have gotten him but we won the mother fucking draft lottery and we got him instead. FIRST OVERALL PICK AND FUTURE CAPTAIN, ALEXANDER OVECHKIN. Ovi would lead the NHL rookies in goals, points, PPGs, and shots. He finished third overall in NHL scoring IN HIS ROOKIE SEASON. Alex Ovechkin beat out Crosby and Phaneuf for the Calder and everyone was happy except for the pens fans bc god fucking bless Ovi. There were also a lot of long-time capitals who had career years so please, look them up because I cannot cover all of them in this already super long post. In 2007 we saw the breakout of fellow russian, Alexander Semin who scored 38 goals in just his second NHL season. Guess who we drafted in 2006? Everyone’s favorite, Lars Nicklas Backstrom AKA Papa. We also signed
-Semyon Varlamov (G)
-Tom Poti (D)
-Viktor Kozlov (RW)
-Michael Nylander © (Yes, that’s William Nylander’s dad, yes i’m emotional about it because the leafs are my second team)
With all of this, the Captials spirits were raised going into the 2006-2007 season. But lmao JK with a 6-14-1 start the Capitals fired the head coach and replaced him with Bruuuuuuce Boudreau. Happy Thanksgiving.
On Jan 10th, 2008 the Capitals make another block-buster contract for Ovi at $124MIL for 13 years (the second longest term contract in NHL history).  Because of some key deadline deals (read: Sergei Fedorov) the season would be lead by Ovi with 65 goals and Mike Green’s defensive leading 18 goals. Caps win the SE division title and the Capitals set another milestone by becoming the first team in NHL history to make the playoffs after being ranked 14th or lower in their conference standings at mid-season. We drag the first round with the Flyers out but eventually lose. However, with the improvement seen we give Bruuuuuuce a long term contract extension. Ovi is back at it again with the making history because he was the first player in NHL history to win the
-Art Ross
-Rocket Richard
-Hart
-Pearson
all in the same season. He was also the first player to win an MVP award in any major sport since Theismann in 1983. Backstrom was nominated for Calder but lost it to awful human being who i’m not going to mention by name but you can figure it out. Bruce won the Jack Adams and all was beautiful.
In 2008-2009 we lost in the second round the eventual Stanley Cup winners, the pens. Rough man.
In 2009-2010 the Capitals won the presidents trophy and Ovi and Backstrom both had over 100 points each. This was the year the caps were predicted to contend but the fucking Habs beat us out in the third round bc fucking goalies man.

From here on out, I think the majority of the fanbase knows and if you don’t here’s a summary: killin it in the reg, being killed in the playoffs. Life sucks with game sevens and 1st and 2nd round exists but this team has something magical in them and now you know the history and can learn yourself up about the legends I didn’t cover in depth. Please, Please look into Capitals history because it is so amazing and so important to know where we come from as an organization. And, if you made it this far, i’ll buy you a drink because you care about this team more than most people so thank you, so so much.

jumpingjacktrash:

necrofuturism:

probablyadrpgideas:

prokopetz:

prokopetz:

prokopetz:

prokopetz:

prokopetz:

Random Headcanon: Ronald McDonald regenerates when killed, horror movie monster style, but the Burger King’s immortality is dependent on serial reincarnation. That’s why the latter tends to disappear from the public eye for a couple of decades every now and then; when Ronald loses a fight in their eternal struggle for dominion over all fast food, he’s fine in like a week, but when the King goes down, he needs to wait for his reincarnation to grow up.

(Though this would seem to give Ronald an insurmountable advantage, it’s less decisive than you’d think, because Ronald is actually kind of terrible in a fight. The knowledge that he only needs to win once makes him sloppy.)

image

Quite so. The Colonel is older than Ronald, and even the King, but his reach is bound by the fact that he can’t affect the material world on his own – he’s strictly limited by the capabilities of his current corporeal host. Like all elder ghosts, however, he can cast a mean curse, so it’s best to tread carefully in his court.

Wendy’s a tough one to pin down. Once a mere figurehead empress, she’s taken a more active hand in the politics of the Fast Food Wars since her father’s mysterious disappearance scarcely a decade past. Nobody’s quite sure what her deal is; to all appearances, she’s a perfectly ordinary fourteen-year-old girl – but she’s been fourteen for a long, long time.

Collecting a variety of requests:

  • The Taco Bell Chihuahua is gone. In her hubris, she challenged the Colonel to single combat, who unhinged his jaw like a snake and swallowed her whole. Nobody’s quite prepared to say she’s dead, since the powers of the Fast Food Wars have been known to come back from worse, but it’s been fifteen years now, and few expect her return.
  • The Five are a sinister cabal who eschew personal names and identities, being known only by their collective title. The secret to their power is that they’re actually a telepathic hive-mind; though their members are technically mortal, the collective itself can recover from individual losses as long as at least one of them survives.
  • Despite its icy clime, the Dairy Queen’s kingdom flows with milk and honey. Her subjects are well-fed and happy and want for nothing – but there’s always something brittle about their smiles. In truth, beneath her jolly facade, their glorious sorcerer-queen’s heart is as cold as her realm: all shall love her and despair.
  • The Caesar is an anomaly in the Fast Food Wars: a mortal who contends with gods. What he lacks in personal prowess, he makes up for with his vast armies and spy networks. The title is non-hereditary; the current Caesar ascended to the throne in the traditional fashion: by literally stabbing his predecessor in the back.
  • Jack be nimble, Jack be quick – though the Fast Food Wars’ fields are bestrode by giants, all know to fear the Giant-Slayer. Cursed by the Old Gods to the form of a child’s toy for some forgotten jape, Jack rules still from his castle in the clouds. A wildcard in the Wars, he’s as likely to decimate his own realm in a fit of pique as he is to march against others.

It has latterly been revealed that the previous Caesar survived his assassination, making his way in secret to the frozen lands, where he became vassal – and, some whisper, consort – to the Dairy Queen. The mark of his successor’s poisoned spear remains upon him, staining his skin a sickly ocher, and for this he’s known as Orange Julius.

Make a campaign world based around the lore of The Fast Food Wars.

This is the best Demolition Man prequel fic I’ve ever read.

the subway isn’t a person, as far as anyone can tell. it’s a strange underground realm filled with jaunty steampunk citizens. but none of the others dare set foot there. it neither attacks nor defends. it simply runs on time.

sonansu:

roxilalonde:

i think andrew hussie is a master class case study in author anonymity

like, who even gives a shit about death of the author when the author barely exists metatextually anyway? his public friends are all people associated with or who worked at one point on homestuck, his social media reveals nothing about him personally, and the only pieces of personal information he discloses are pieces of disjointed, unrelated, or “is he joking?” type material. i know he’s a sagittarius but i don’t know if he has parents. i know he has a giant blue horse dildo somewhere in his home, but i don’t know which state he lives in. 

nobody within the past 500-600 years of literature has managed to write something as big as homestuck and remain as secretive as he has. most authors are tempted by the fame offered to them via their work and immediately flood their audience with personal disclosure, try to make themselves celebrities. not hussie. hussie wrote one of the biggest pieces of internet literature in history and stayed completely off the map for all of it.

he’s a fucking virgo

“any elf (generally or pick a specific one/ones) + casual sex” if you will allow this for the meme

gurguliare:

What if the horrible answer is I don’t think elves have casual sex and I’m fine with them all being insectile monogamists? …………. nooooo uhhhhhh hhhhhh I… still pretty much stand by “all sex is casual if it’s not telepathic” …. I guess I should pick a specific elf to talk about, it’s just, my answers for that are horrible too. I suspect Nerdanel and Fëanor managed to have a LOT of premarital sex through innovative, like, psychic blindfolds, and also that Nerdanel wanted to keep doing kinky willpower-based contraception while Fëanor was begging her for kids. It’s like orgasm denial but instead Fëanor is sitting there TRYING to push half a soul out and Nerdanel is jamming it back up the spout

wilwheaton:

pettyqueer:

zetsubonna:

metal-queer-solid:

crushwhatsweak:

metal-queer-solid:

crushwhatsweak:

Greece is actually bankrupt up, but American’s just want to bitch about a racist flag and gun control.

5 yard penalty, repeat 1st down.

Football sucks and you can suck me from the back.

Penalties will be assessed on the kickoff.

This meme is completely new to me and I immediately, unironically love it.

fallacy football

FALLACY FOOTBALL CARL.

Sensitive souls don’t have it easy in this cruel world. They feel like their souls are getting trampled on in so many ways. That’s why you see their eyes light up when they can caress a face or an animal, or breathe in the scent of a flower.

from “Lonely Traveller Part 2”, by Sereno Sky
(via briqou)