“Dad, there’s a monster under my bed.”
“Yes, I know. That’s why I’ve trained you. Here, your sword.”
“But-“
“Be bold, my girl! Save us all!”
“Um,” she said, feeling very silly. “Still there?”
“Yes,” the monsters under the bed hissed.
“I’m moving, to uni. Um. Will you come?”
“Yes.”
“Where is he?!”
“Eaten.”
“You ate him?”
“We are monsters under the bed. We are your greatest fear.”
“I don’t fear you.”
“You feared him.”
“My son has monsters under his bed.”
“Yes.”
“Can you… chase them away?”
“Let him fight, like you fought us.”
“He can’t.”
“You can teach.”
“Monsters,” she whispered, “are you still there?”
“Yes.” A whisper from under her hospital bed.
“I fear death.”
“Join us?”
She slipped away.
The last four posted as a serial chain, but I was thinking of it as a sequel to the first, even if I didn’t reply to that. I posted that too long ago (January 13, 2015) to find in my client, but then I remembered I could find it here on Tumblr.
Bee Movie is on netflix so I watched the whole thing
Bees in the movie live in a western-human-style society, complete with two-parent households and college etc, but they still make constant jokes about what bee societies are like in real life
References are made at the beginning of the film to the fact that bees have very short life spans and the main bee characters in the movie are expecting to live for another week at most, but then the movie itself takes place over several weeks or possibly months and they don’t seem to age or die
yes. yes, the bee presumably fucks the human woman
she’s, like, into him, sexually
I know that the weirdness of that is like a central part of why this movie has become a meme but listen: you can’t understand how truly off-putting that whole plot point is until you’ve actually watched it play out in front of your own eyes
the woman is married, too, so like, she has an emotional affair with a bee that drives her husband away in a scene where she tells him that “he’s the nicest bee I’ve met in a long time,” implying that she’s, like, known other bees on a personal level, to which he responds, “what are you talking about?” and you think he’s going to point out the obvious absurdity of her statement but instead he continues with, “are there OTHER bugs in your life?!”
all the bees are heavily coded as Jewish, and there’s a scene where Jerry Seinfeld’s bee parents are like, “do you have a girlfriend? I hope she’s bee-ish! She’s not a wasp, is she?” because… you know… wasp… WASP… get it
there is a Bee Larry King, who is played by Larry King and is, like, literally Larry King but a bee
did I mention that in the bee’s society, all the bees choose/are assigned honey-production jobs that they will work every day until they die, except like, there is evidence that other jobs exist – there is bee television, for instance, which would presumably require like, bee camera crews and bee producers and bee actors etc etc, so like, which bees are working those jobs? how does that work??
apparently in the world of this movie all you have to do to sue the entire human race is mail a letter
the whole court case comes down to the fact that no human being who isn’t a bee keeper has ever heard of a bee smoker and they all find it barbaric and horrifying
bee smokers in this world contain, like… nicotine and tar? like all the ingredients of actual commercial cigarettes?
beekeepers in this world all hate bees, there is a scene where two beekeepers are making conversation with each other and their whole conversation is just about how much they hate bees, interspersed with manic cackling
instead of deliberating and coming back with a verdict the jury concludes the court case by just chanting “FREE THE BEES!” until the judge yells, “I FIND IN FAVOR OF THE BEES!!!!”
AND THAT ISN’T EVEN THE END OF THE MOVIE there’s still like 20 minutes of plot I just
I can’t go on, I’m sorry
I may never be the same
I like it when some intrepid explorer ventures into Bee Movie, stumbling back wide eyed to tell the others what they saw
do you ever wish you could just stop time for like a couple weeks so you could just sleep and do whatever you want and just get your shit together and then after that time would just start back up again and you wouldn’t have missed anything because you would just pick up where you left off
me: ok edgelord we get it what if i slit my wrists right now can we please just focus
Additionally; me: *waiting for the subway* intrusive thoughts: what if you jumped me: it would cause a four hour delay while they pick your body parts out of the rails you fucking prick, can we please for once get on public transit without going through this
Also; Me: *walking along a busy road* intrusive thoughts: What if you just fell over in front of this truck? Me: It would back up traffic all fucking night and probably hurt a lot of people you prick.
Gosh. I never have thoughts like this
didnt ask but that sounds nice
Me: *walking down the stairs* Intrusive Thought: I could throw myself down these flight of stairs and leave more time for everyone else! Me: Or you end up with a broken wrist and sprain ankle you dickhead keep walking
Me: *driving on a bridge* Intrusive thoughts: I could just drive straight into that lake and finish it right now. Me: You asshole, this is a new car. Just fucking keep going like everyone else you prick.
oh my god,^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I needed this
Me: *standing at a lookout* It’s so beautiful here…
Intrusive thoughts: yeah, look at that view, you could just step out into it and you’d probably never feel the impact when you hit the ground 20m below…
Me: Bitch, don’t ruin the view for everyone else. Fucksake.
me: *walking along the street*
intrusive thoughts: what if you just started screaming really loudly
me: i’d freak ppl out and someone might think someone was getting hurt, don’t ruin ppl’s day like that
