Me: we might find the required activity annoying or unpleasant but it is vastly less unpleasant than the ramifications of failing to perform said activity my brain: we’re not gonna do it me: literally you are not understanding, failure to do this very small although annoying task will ruin us and – my brain, slamming pots and pans together: WE ARE NOT GONNA DO IT
concept: Jack Zimmermann walked in on Shitty holding the “yo marry me jack zimmermann” sign once and kind of winked and said “i think you’re gonna have to buy me dinner first, eh?” and shitty fell over laughing and when jack caught bitty holding it he had ever intention of doing the same thing but then his mind went blank and all he could picture was marrying bitty, but somehow, still didn’t realize how gone he was on him
and then when Bad Bob said the thing he said, Jack got a searing white insta-montage of all those stray thoughts he had discreetly filed away, and it was like he downloaded two years of romantic and sexual frustration into his brain in three seconds flat.
It’s amazing that he and Bitty survived their first kiss and didn’t spontaneously combust right there with all those flammable boxes of Sharks memorabilia.
The Falcs do a PR push for Valentine’s Day, looking for the perfect Valentine for their leading scorer and new Alternate Captain. Instagram and Twitter go NUTS, Yo Marry Me Jack Zimmermann posters appear at every game. So many people have proposed to Jack via social media and at the rink, that our boy’s face is basically bright red for the whole month of February.
Georgia sees the hullabaloo and develops a PR Plan. Every day, the Falcs post a picture of one of the players holding the sign. Tater has the sign in one hand and a ring pop in the other. Thirdy has a veil on. Marty is proposing to one of the Jack toys. Even Parse gets in on the action, because, let’s face it, he needs attention, and posts a picture of himself and Jack in Qs with the caption I asked him first.
The final pic of a small blond man holding the sign, he’s wearing a Falcs bow tie and holding what appears to be a real ring. The next day there’s a pic of Jack positively beaming, arm slung around the blond and ring on his finger, holding a sign that says Yo, I Said Yes.
“Oh yeah. I don’t think you and me are some forever thing, but you’re gonna appreciate having some experience under your belt later in your story arc.”
Things Jack Zimmermann has had to tolerate under his very own roof:
Bad enough: Coming back to the Haus with Shitty and Johnson and it’s filled with the aroma of baked goods, and that new freshman, who doesn’t even live there, is taking cookies out of the oven and turns around to say, “Hey there! I’ve got cherry pie that’s just cool enough to eat, you all want some?”
Worse: Johnson winking and saying, “You know, what I really like are those buns you’ve got there,” and Eric Bittle B L U S H I N G
Newly-discovered circle of hell: Bitty and Johnson grinding while they dance in the living room
Just kill him. Just kill him now: Hearing sex noises from across the hall, a distinctive tenor voice groaning, “Oh, god,” and then Bitty laughing, giggles turning intoa loud and helpless peal of laughter that’s only cut off by a yelp that turns into a moan. (Jack gives up and flees for the dubious safety of Shitty’s room, where Shits supplies him with earplugs and lifts the blanket for Jack to crawl under.)
Okay, but like Johnson actually falls for Bitty though, even though he knows it’s not how the story is supposed to end. How could he not? Bitty is kind, warm, and laughs at Johnson’s jokes even though he doesn’t always get the context for them.
For once, Johnson wishes he doesn’t know the outcome of this. He wishes he could be selfish for once, and be the hero of this story. It’s hard, but he knows his time is running out. Once he graduates, he’ll be gone, and not even gone somewhere, but he’ll just stop existing until he’s needed again for the narrative.
It’s a terrifying thought.
So, he holds Bitty at night, knowing that in less than a year, this will be Bitty’s room. He even knows the exact spot Bitty’s Beyonce poster will hang.
He also knows Jack is just across the hall with his face shoved into his pillow and his teeth clenched tight because Jack is already in love with Bitty. Jack just doesn’t know it yet.
So, when the time comes, Johnson lets go.
Because he has to.
Because it’s not meant to be.
Because Bitty will be happy with Jack, and the frowns and lines on Jack’s face will soften when Bitty is around.
They are the great love story that everyone has come to see.
And Johnson? Well, Johnson will be around too, and maybe, one day, he’ll have a story of his own.
Okay but now we also need to talk about how Bitty feels about
Johnson. Because if they’re sleeping together for months, or even over a
year, it is unlikely that he’ll stay emotionally unattached
It’s…confusing
though, because there are times when Bitty looks into Johnson’s eyes
and sees something fiery, passionate, in there, but other days Johnson
seems to completely pull himself away from Bitty, like he doesn’t want
to be emotionally attached to Bitty, like he doesn’t want to fall for
him, have an actual relationship, whatever
Bitty asks him
about that, once, and Johnson replies: “I am just not looking for
anything serious right now” and the message seems clear so Bitty is very
confused as to why he sees pain in Johnson’s eyes despite it
when
Johnson graduates, Bitty asks him, carefully, “Will I see you again?”
and Johnson says “I’m afraid your storyline doesn’t need it” and that
baffles Bitty so he says “you don’t think i get to decide on that?” and
johnson shrugs and gestures at jack who is looking at them with the most
constipated look and says, “be good for him” and leaves
he doesn’t respond to bitty’s texts
he doesn’t call
and it takes Bitty months to even start to process how jack acts around him and deal with that because he is actually heartbroken, too
okay but like. Johnson came back for senior graduation when jack and shitty graduated. he knew that bitty had moved on at that point and was planning on CONFESSSING THAT VERY AFTERNOON. help me im an emotional mess
HE WANTED TO BE SURE HIS SACRIFICE WAS WORTH IT
Thank you all for making me cry about John Johnson and his beautiful, self sacrificing soul.
My poor, mostly gay little heart!
What if when Johnson comes back for a visit/to reassure and torture himself a little, he meets Tango, who, like him, Knows Things. He asks a lot of questions, sure, but he’s <i>leading the conversation</i>.
So Tango asks him something like, “Have you ever been to that little karaoke bar off Lake Street? How do you feel about the song “Wonderwall”? Do you sing much? Are you free tonight at 7.45, exactly?“ And Johnson just has a feeling that he’s finally getting a starring role in the storyline.
So he shows up a little early, and scopes out the crowd, and signs up to sing “Wonderwall”, and then at 7.43, the deejay says “Folks, we had two of you sign up for that Oasis track, how about a duet? Come on up guys!” So he makes his way to the booth and finds a slightly shorter man, with grey eyes, and a strong looking back, and a honey blonde undercut. He doesn’t look like Bitty, exactly, but his smile and his bearing exude the same warm and kind vibe, and when he offers his hand and says “Hey, I’m Aaron,” his voice is lightly accented in a pleasantly familiar way that makes Johnson shiver.
As they sing, voices melding harmoniously and sharing shy, hopeful smiles, Johnson notices the table of SMH boys, and Tango and Bitty especially, looking at him. Bitty is wistful and fond, Tango looks pleased, and Johnson feels both like a soft embrace.
‘This is it,’ he thinks. ‘This is where my story really starts.’
the most important thing to remember about jack: he thinks about hockey 90% of the time. he has a laser focus on what he needs to do
because of this, jack has historically been a terrible boyfriend. it would take a special person to help coax him out of the idea that he needs to live and breathe hockey all the time to prove himself
chowder is second generation chinese. his father immigrated when he was a teen and his mother was born in the us. they met at samwell. he has an older sister
ngozi has said before that jack is loosely based on sidney crosby, but he’s also based in part on jonathan toews and other intense hockey captains
people think lardo is totally cool and perfectly badass all the time, but she has weaknesses, things that she hides. she puts on a mask of being always chill, but she worries about things like looking cool, whether or not someone she likes likes her back. she does have some problems communicating so that’s why, like jack, she befriends outgoing people. she communicates with art
no one was managing the team when lardo was abroad in kenya
ngozi reminded us that we don’t really know anything about parse (but he will become more important in year four). there is a short storyline about jack’s time in juniors (so parse shows up in flashbacks) in bitty’s junior year
bitty has problems with agency and confrontation; he needs to learn to stand up for himself and other people. he is passive aggressive
bitty isn’t a good student and isn’t the most responsible person. he procrastinates and doesn’t study
being the son of a southern football coach meant bitty grew up as something of a minor celebrity child
when jack was born, everyone said ‘oh alicia is a model and bob is a hot hockey player, their child is going to be perfect’ and then jack “oozed” out and everyone was like ‘ooooh… that… did not go as expected’. but then puberty hit and he became a beautiful young man lolol
shitty has a huge amount of white guilt and/but will dominate a conversation
shitty does not know everything about jack (including, perhaps, his sexuality, whatever that may be…) and would not be that cliche character to orchestrate jack and bitty
the team probably has no idea about the thing with jack and bitty – if guys like that see two guys hanging out together a lot, they don’t automatically think “oh they like each other”. they might think bitty has a crush (and maaaaybe think jack is being a bit mean by indulging him with no intention of reciprocation?), but they don’t see where this is going
ransom and holster are the bro-trope: they really are the definition of a bromance, with all the implied making fun of two dudes being hetero life partners. humor and serious friend-love
chowder is infantilized by bitty, but is also the first person to have a girlfriend (n: “so take that”)
jack has dated people; he dated (?? even n says he was cagey about it and weaseled out of the question) camilla collins (who now is captain of the women’s tennis team). it was probably like him saying hi, her suggesting they go out, him saying okay, and her eventually saying “we’re both busy, we should focus on the things we have to do” and him saying “oh, you’re right” and not realizing she was breaking up with him. he might not have even known they were actually dating. he’d walk away going “oh, that was a nice person i knew”
jack on a date: “what are you interested in? how’s your team doing? did they win their last game? what are the weaknesses you’re trying to address?”
he would have to date an athlete or someone involved in something consuming; he could, however, be in a successful relationship with someone not into hockey
shitty can be very chivalrous if the girl doesn’t mind, but not in a “milady” way, he just really likes taking care of people
Love this mural of Erotica on the Library of Congress ceiling.
The serene look when you know you’re working on some quality smut
My partron muse
i’m still so pleased the muse erotica is like a 20-30 something woman in a kicking back with a nice lap blanket and a tablet and an ambiguously gay haircut instead of some thin sexy siren with her boobs and butt out. this artist absolutely knew their shit. this artist was 100% correct.
The artist was George Randolph Barse
and i just found the photographer was Carol M Highsmith, and you can buy this as a print RIGHT HERE
Aww yiss.
Well, now I know what I need to hang in my office.
@khirsahle – you never told me you’d had your portrait done!
He wasn’t as flagrantly bad as Trump, but let’s not completely rehabilitate George W. Bush into a nice old man who likes to paint and can’t handle his raincoat, okay?
-signed, someone over thirty
dubya looks cutesy-pie now, but plz know he was the trump prequel, an utter buffoon and public embarrassment who lost the popular vote and stoked the ugliest brand of patriotism to bring us to a war with no purpose but personal and crony profit. he was a trump test run and worked magnificently
plz also know he is test running how we are expected to treat trump in retirement, as a delightful buffoon who wasn’t responsible
he is absolutely a buffoon
but he also created a war of no purpose (thus opening the way for future presidents to declare war personally, needing no congressional approval or oversight)
make fun of him because he is evil and deserves mockery, not because he’s just an adorbs old man who seems cutely befuddled
And don’t forget how he let a shit ton of Black people die or lose everything when Hurricane Katrina happened
That global gag rule that Trump just signed in? Yeah, W reinstated it after Clinton scrapped it, and killed thousands of women worldwide because of ir.
Tried to pass a constitutional amendment to “protect marriage” from same sex couples.
I was a senior in college for the 2000 election clusterfuck. That was a corrupt election. Everybody knew it. It was the first time I saw and heard suspicion that our democracy was inevitably failing.
W treated 9/11 as an opportunity to continue his daddy’s failed project of gaining a foothold in the middle east for the purpose of controlling oil exports. Note that after 9/11 the US went to war in Afghanistan, yes, and went after the Taliban, but W’s legacy was the war in IRAQ and the absolute catastrophe that created afterSaddam Hussein was killed (cue: power vacuum because the cowboy – though an evil shit cowboy – had left town. In roll more radical groups). Ppl older than 30 might remember the theatrics of the UNSC presentation in 2003 where Colin Powell held up a little clear vial of OMG WHITE POWDER as evidence that Iraq had enormous stockpiles of WMDs (that bullshit was fake, and Powell later regretted that he made the case to the UNSC that turned out to be wrong about WMDs in Iraq. Powell insisted that the whole cabinet had no idea they were so gravely mistaken over the presence of WMDs. Riiiiiight.)
Also W’s legacy: the Patriot Act, passed a month or so after 9/11. It legalized gross violations of citizens’ privacy and included shit like allowing the FBI free rein to search phone and electronic and financial records, and allows federal agents to search and seize if they had any suspicion of terroristic activities or connections to such. It also allowed for the indefinite detention of any non-citizen suspected of terrorism or anyone who seemed like they might commit terrorism IN THE FUTURE. We are going to see this again. I repeat: WE ARE GOING TO SEE THIS AGAIN. Suspension of basic civil liberties has already happened in the US and for good reasons, the Trump admin will say. There’s precedent now for that shit.
Also W’s legacy: instantiating and legalizing systematic TORTURE as a practice in interrogating prisoners. Think “alt-right” is an evil euphemism for Nazis? My generation actually got used to the term created by the GWB admin – “enhanced interrogation techniques” – to the point that honestly? It was easy to pretend it just. Wasn’t. Fucking. Happening. And it wasn’t – not on US soil. Because the W admin also decided to torture detainees at black sites overseas in countries where torture was legal (black sites that Trump has already moved to reopen). Detainees were – and will continue to be – beaten, starved, waterboarded, subjected to electric shock, sexually assaulted, et al. W backed away from treaties with the Hague international criminal court that could have tried these fucks for war crimes. OH AND DON’Tforget that time that W signed off on an act that allowed the US to INVADE THE GODDAMN HAGUE if ANY American citizens ended up there on trial for said crimes. He made us non-accountable for war crimes. I repeat: he made us non-accountable for war crimes.
The team of W, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Ashcroft, and Rice? Evil. Mother. Fuckers.
Also never forget that time that a massive hurricane rolled in from the Gulf of Mexico and wrecked New Orleans and surrounding areas to the point that ppl were huddled on the roofs of their houses while actual bodies floated by in the Katrina floodwater. FEMA wasted a fuck ton of time and money and oversaw the essential displacement of a massive number of poor black residents of New Orleans who never recovered.
Hurricane Katrina wrecked thousands of lives on August 29, 2005. What was W doing that day? EATING BIRTHDAY CAKE WITH JOHN “I LOOK LIKE A GOOD REPUB NOW COMPARED TO ALL THESE NAZIS” MCCAIN. The photo was on the WH web page and other photos were time-stamped to show that these assholes were laughing and making silly faces over birthday cake AFTER they were already briefed on the Katrina devastation.
There would be no Donald Trump if there hadn’t been a W. W was not a dumbass, he was not a goofy, befuddled bumbler. He was smart in that pedestrian kind of way where he knew exactly when and how to play dumb, to roll out that Texas accent and plaster that revolting “I feel the pain and fear all of you are feeling, I’m sad too” wrinkle-browed look on his face. Most people fell for it. I know there were times – especially in my early 20s – that I did. He manipulated people into fear and complacency by faking empathy and humility and meanwhile developing and signing off on some really truly evil legislation.
The almost manic euphoria that swept so much of the US when Obama was elected? Part of it was relief: W, the monster of the west, was gone and we knew he wasn’t going to replaced by another version of himself in McCain.
Call me melodramatic if you want but honestly NONE of the terrifying stuff that’s happening right now could ever have happened were it not for the path cut (slashed, burned, bulldozed) by George W. Bush.
Stop romanticizing this fuckhead!!!!
Also it bothers me when people want to blame Cheney for everything, like W was just a puppet with no clue what was happening who just wanted to play golf.
He was COMPLICIT, he KNEW, it was his JOB to know, he is CULPABLE for everything. No free passes, he was president, it’s all his responsibility.
Ding ding ding. don’t do this to trump either, in the far future, if we’re still alive.
just moving along like everyone else 