gayjokes:

ihateeverythingcomic:

twofingerswhiskey:

falling-towers:

mindfulwrath:

honestly “i’ll do whatever you want” “then perish” is the single most powerful exchange possible in the english language and it’s from some bizarre “hewwo” obama rp

And there was that other post where someone dreamt that Obama said “violence for violence is the rule of beasts” like what is it about Obama that makes people come up with such raw fucking dialogue for him

my mother had a dream where he lived in the forest and she had a cigarette with him and he said “to become god is the loneliest achievement of them all” and put it out and walked into the mist and i’ve never fucking forgotten that

I once dreamed that a giant meteor was headed for earth, and the government had set up loudspeakers throughout the cities so Obama could give a final address – I’ll never forget how strangely comforting it was when he said “there are places we’ve never been before. Some of us have never been to the Alps, some of us have never been to Marrakesh. The next life is simply another place we’ve never been before, and we’re all going to go explore it together.” 

I had a dream where I told michelle obama that I wanted to be her when I grew up and she responded by saying “The closest you can get to being me, my dear, is being you.”

apple-juice-bouquet:

image

oof it has been brought to my attention that there’s another cirava moisturewave comic out there, but i spent far too many hours googling “vaporwave” and finding copyright-free images to just delete it so i just wanna let yall know:

the og one’s by @greenteafennec

(also im hella sorry about the mix up, i shouldve checked whatpump before making this)

if the 10th gif doesnt load, click here

silentstep:

andhumanslovedstories:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

andhumanslovedstories:

Bathrooms that place their mirrors in such a way that you’re forced to either look yourself in the eye while you pee or demurely cast your gaze away are engaging in a power game that I, while pissing, do not have the capacity to win

I love everything about this post. the language, the eloquence of the grammar. the startling contrast of imagery, and overall extremes of emotion. the best written thing i’ve read all month is a tumblr post on being forced to watch yourself pee. 

Thank you, I accept this award with the dignity and humilty with which I wrote this post, on the toilet in a public bathroom at a Popeyes, trying not to look at myself

#i’d like to thank my parents and the concept of interior decorating

thischick25:

blonde-vulcan:

lowoncliches:

zellah7:

bye i love this

Man: Siri, what is 1 trillion to the tenth power?
Siri: Calculation. The answer is one zero zero zero zero zero [continuing]
Man: *starts beatboxing to the rhythm.
Woman 1: *joins in*
Woman 2: *starts singing to the rhythm*

This is sO GOOD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOL8fFO6pUo

Someone kindly posted a link to a longer version of it in the comments, so I’m pulling it out if you need more!

saxifraga-x-urbium:

pochowek:

pochowek:

i love that one old timey 1910s trans dude who has a tiny wikipedia page for himself that he earned entirely due to him starting fights in bars and being the city’s hottest casanova

i mightve remembered it wrong but it still feels like half of this page is “I’m A Man For Fucks Sake” and the other half is “That Motherfucker Is In Jail Again And Also Bit A Cop”

oh my GOD this is the best list

“[DEADNAME] Again" “ 

Like this glorious jerk got arrested so many times that was literally ALL THEY HAD TO WRITE IN THE PAPER

manyblinkinglights:

solluxisms:

Related to my last
post, if anyone wants to watch a show about a 30ish awkward depressive geek
girl simultaneously falling for a guy IRL due to happenstance and unknowingly befriending him in an MMO, I highly suggest Recovery of an MMO Junkie (which
drives me bonkers b/c that’s a completely inaccurate translation, but what can
you do).

Refreshing aspects: 

  • Protagonist is female and above 15. (30, to be exact. Shocking.)
  • Disorganized, unkempt, baggy eyes, stays up all night. Doesn’t like talking to people.
  • Basically, BIG MOOD™.
  • The guy is younger than her (2 years). 
  • Said guy plays an unsexualized female healer and the girl plays
    a male tank. 
  • It is not VR, and nobody is stuck there. 
  • Tons of poking fun at MMO tropes.

tl;dr I love it and if you’re looking for a fresh take on slice of life or MMO/game anime, this is it.

oh sweet

kirby-ebooks:

rosebeaches:

2day my linguistics professor asked people to name some ships bc she was talking about morphology & how ship names were an example of blending and the room of 100+ people was completely silent bc who wants to expose themselves?? until this one person was like “umm johnlock” and i heard someone behind me go “oh my god……. i hate this”

Your linguistics professor is a coward if they didn’t lead with a personal low to warm up the room. Start with snupin and work up from there