just moving along like everyone else

roachpatrol:

The Director leans forward over her desk, her face drawn and intent. “So I suppose you’re wondering why I called you three in h–”

“Actually, Madam Director,” Taako interrupts, “I’m wondering how you got this lavender tea so right.”

The Director blinks. “I simmer the lavender blossoms in a saucepan with water and honey, because I’m not a fucking barbarian. Twenty minutes, dash of vanilla, the whole thing. Anyway–”

“It’s good tea,” Merle pipes up.

“Thanks, Merle. So–” 

“Hold up, hold up. Holllld up.” Taako actually raises his hand. “How– okay, I mean, what the hell, that’s exactly how I make lavender tea, how’d you know?”

“I know everything, I’m the Director.”

“Are you spying on us?” Magnus says, suddenly interested. 

“I can, uh, no, I can’t confirm that, or, deny, that horrific breach of employer-employee confidentiality. I probably just know that stuff because of all the cool superpowers you get when you’re in charge of a secret moon-based operation.”

Merle waves his hand enthusiastically. “Hey, what’s tattooed on my butt!”

“Kenny Chesney, which I know on account of you came into my actual office with your whole entire ass hanging out.”

“It was like three quarters, max,” Magnus says. “Hey, what’s my favorite tea?”

“You think tea is for chumps.”

“I do,” Magnus says, earnestly pleased. 

“Does anyone have any non-tea related questions?”

Merle waves his hand again. “Do you know about our secret st—“

“Taped under Magnus’s bed. Yes.”

“Aw,” Magnus says to his tea. 

“For someone with such extensive woodworking proficiency, I really thought you’d have, like, a secret drawer somewhere,” the Director says thoughtfully. 

“Hey, taped under the mattress is a classic,” Taako says. 

“It’s very, mm, very college hijinks, reminiscent, very Animal House.”

“Bullshit, you never watched Animal House,” Merle says.

“I may— I might have. You don’t know.”

“Name one— name one scene! Just one! Gimme a quote!”

“I don’t have to, because I’m your boss. Can I get back to telling you about your new incredibly important mission to save the whole— basically the whole entire world, already, or do you want to waste more time playing Fantasy fucking Trivia?”

The three Reclaimers look at each other, and then Taako uses mage hand to pour himself more lavender tea. 

“What’s Merle’s favorite tea?” he asks, grinning, and the Director drops her face into her hands. 

“Chamomile,” she says, in the grave, sorrowing tones of one who must bear the unbearable, year after thankless fucking year. “He thinks it’s sexy.”