(This sign used to be outside a health food store on my way home from classes)
(I mean it won’t do that to humans, but that’s always my first reflex, too)
OBEY
The reblogs on this post are absolutely priceless.
Hall of fame:
And finally:
I don’t understand…
Cordyceps is a genus of fungi that parasitizes insects or other arthropods. One of them (Ophiocordyceps unilateralis) does that by having sorta mindcontrol powers.
Infected ants are driven to leave their nests or foraging tasks, climb up a thing until ideal fungus-growth-conditions are met, chomp down with their mandibles on the thing (usually the underside of a leaf) and then stay there while the fungus bursts fruiting bodies forward from their bodies, killing them.
It’s been nicknamed ‘zombie fungus’ because of that.
1. Seeing success as being determined by external factors. (So if I fail it’s circumstances or someone else’s fault.) This takes away my sense of power and keeps me stuck in failure and helplessness.
2. Personal blind spots. Sometimes we keep failing but we’re blind to the fact that there’s something we’re doing that is causing us to fail. That could be related to our communication style, our attitudes, lack of knowledge and ability, pursuing something that doesn’t suit our gifts and talents, and so on.
3. Self sabotage. Sometimes we don’t feel we deserve to succeed so unconsciously we do something that causes us to fail. This includes meditating on self-limiting thoughts (Eg, “I could never …; I don’t deserve …”).
4. Feeling ambivalent about the goals you’ve set. We often set a goal that is someone else’s goal so we’re not really sure if it’s what we want ourselves. That affects our motivation, and our will to succeed.
5. Fear of change. All successes bring some change – and that can feel quite threatening. And we’re often comfortable with our life as it is now – and so we wonder if success will really make us happier.
6. Pressure from others who don’t want you to succeed. It’s very common for our peers to be threatened by success, and we know they’ll be sarcastic or mean if we succeed. Hence, we don’t try our hardest as we recognise the cost will be social isolation, or rejection by our friends.
AN EPISODE WHERE BILL AND THE DOCTOR GO BACK IN TIME TO MEET SAPPHO
SAPPHO WROTE POEMS ABOUT BILL 100%
OK YOU KNOW HOW A LOT OF SAPPHO’S POEMS ARE ABOUT APHRODITE WHAT IF SAPPHO LITERALLY THOUGHT BILL WAS SO BEAUTIFUL THAT SHE WAS THE GODDESS APHRODITE
“Oh. My God. Oh my God. That’s her! That’s – that’s the original. The original Lesbian, I mean proper Lesbian. The Mother Gay. Oh, God. Oh, God, what am I even gonna say?”
“Your brother Charaxis may be under the hypnotic influence of his alien mistress might be a good start.”
“Can you even imagine what was like to read her when I was a fifth-former?” Bill continued. “Like, finally it wasn’t some bloke whining about why some beautiful girl won’t give him sex, it was ‘sweet mother, I’m too gay to do my chores, blame Aphrodite’ like, honestly? Most relatable thing I’ve read in years.”
“Bill-”
“God, what I wouldn’t give to hear an actual completed poem.”
“Bill-”
“Seriously, what was up with the fragment that was just ‘soda’? Like, did it mean the same thing, or – ?”
“Bill, she’s staring at you.”
And she was. Like a figure out of a painting, white chiton against dark arms, hands hovering above the strings of her lyre, fingertips gently rested on the frame. She was biting her lower lip, and the look in her eyes was one Bill knew immediately – the panicked, exhilarated look of an actual goddess is walking the earth, right now, and holy mother of Zeus am I gay or am I gay?
“Oh my God,” Bill said again, eyes wide. “I’m the original lesbian.”
DONT ASK ME THIS, THIS IS HOW THE TROJAN WAR STARTED, I DONT WANT THIS MAN
Right away, Aphrodite popped into my head.
And then I’m just like, “DAMMIT, DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM PARIS? YOU ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT, AND NOW ALL THE TROJANS ARE DEAD. I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY.”
If you are ever actually in this situation, pro-tip: name Persephone. Half the goddesses will be too surprised to smite you immediately and while Hades won’t do you any favors he may at least high-five you while your on your way down.
Another tip: name Mesperyian. Not only will you shock everyone, including her (since Aphrodite was a jealous ho who burnt half her face off), but you’ll win Hades’ favour. As his most beloved daughter, anything that praises her will make you a kind human to her, an okay human to him, and a genuinely good person to anyone else.
I heartily endorse this alternative answer.
I love how all of this advice leads to “please Hades at all costs.”
#because Hades really wasn’t that bad
No shit. The only real villain that caused so many problems was Zeus’ Thunder Cock and that thing has been in Olympus-knows-what.
ZUES’S THUNDER COCK
To be fair, Poseidon was like the greek mythology personification of the phrase ‘BITCH, FIGHT ME’
I’m imagining all the Greek goddess asking me who I think is the most beautiful and I say the Norse goddess, Hel, is.
Aphrodite yells “She doesn’t even go here!”
This keeps getting better every time I find a different deviation
not sure i could resist the temptation to answer “eris” and then point off stage and go “eh? eh?” like a douchebag until the other goddesses smote me to a greasy spot
Constantly torn between “I can’t ask for help bc then I’m annoying and everyone will be mad” and “I must ask for help at every possible stage because I might do it wrong and then everyone will be mad” ya feel
i completely forgot how elven balls to the wall brutal the silm gets after the noldor have been in middle-earth for a while
finrod felagund bit a werewolf to death
Fingolfin shamed everyone into going back to war with Melkor, cause he full on just simply walked into Mordor and hollered at Melkor, a god, for a 1v1. Melkor was like oh shit i don’t want to, but had to or be Forever Shamed and was stabbed seven times by this crazy elf lord. Melkor only got the upper hand when Fingolfin tripped on The Ground, but when Melkor stepped on him to pin him, Finglofin just…stabbed him in the foot, so great was his Fuck You. When he died, Fingolfin was carried away by the Eagle King, his corpse still presumably pulling the finger at their demonic overlord.
just moving along like everyone else 