High heeled shoes don’t become flats if you break the heels off.
The posts of earrings aren’t sharp.
Nail polish takes a long time to dry and smudges when wet.
You can’t hold in a period like pee.
Inserting a tampon is not arousing or sexual in any way, ever.
Feel free to add your own.
– Bras leave red marks on the skin under and around boobs and it is a magical experience when taken off.
– Make up can take anywhere from 5 to 25 minutes depending on how skilled you are.
– Taking hair out of a ponytail after wearing it for hours does not make it perfectly straight when it comes down.
– Hair when wet sticks to the skin it no longer flows, idiot.
-When women with long hair kiss, turn around, do anything, their hair falls in the way.
– Stockings are itchy and tear like wet paper bags.
– Pantyhose, tights, leggings, and stockings are each different.
– Waxing hurts and leaves red skin for a while afterwards while shaving leaves stubble
– Most can’t run in heels unless they have been VERY worn
– Insecurity in appearance doesn’t mean “buy me a drink”
– EVERYONE HAS DIFFERENT TASTES IN EVERYTHING
-Having large breasts sucks. It sucks beyond belief. If a garment happens to fit your large chest, odds are it won’t fit the rest of you. Underboob sweat is real and terrible. Bending over for extended periods of time will tweak your back out. Running can be painful due to boob turbulence. Bras are hella expensive. Big breasts are not fun.
Putting a tampon in isnt a quick bend-poke-done kinda deal. It involves cubicle yoga, messy hands, numerous curse words as you realise it isnt in correctly and have to take it out and start again with a new one.
Yes to all of this. But also:
If her hair is in an updo, one does not simply remove a hairpin to send her hair cascading down her back. No. If her hair is an updo, it will take at least an hour and an extra set of hands to remove the 137 bobby pins that are holding her hair in place. Furthermore, there’s probably a can’s worth of hairspray in there, intended to withstand category 2 hurricane winds. There’s no cascading happening here – the best you can hope for is a misshapen nest of hair to clump and poof unattractively in the back while it still remains flat against her scalp.
This is one of the funniest posts I’ve seen in a while (especially if you read all the comments), but also really depressing because at 42 I still judge myself as having failed for not matching up to all these mythical stereotypes despite knowing they’re impossible
^^^This though
The odds of a woman having smoothly shaved legs and armpits are directly proportional to the amount of skin her clothing bares and/or the amount of fucks she gives at that particular moment.
GLASSES ARE NOT COSMETIC. If we whip them off, we do not become gorgeous fashion models. We become squinty.
-most women wear bras. Yes, even when they are trying to dress sexy. Because bras make boobs look perkier and rounder, which is something men apparently find sexy, so being a seductress or femme fatale is not an automatic reason for a female character to not be wearing a bra.
-a good bra will hide headlights, or at the very least drastically reduce their noticeability. A women with enough pointy nipple issues will opt for a padded or molded bra to hide them.
-women’s nipples do not automatically become hard pyramids visible through any and all layers of clothing the second they become even slightly aroused. They are not the female equivalent of boners. And even if their nipples do get hard, the bras they are almost certainly wearing (because even a goddamn succubus with big, honkin’ knockers for seducing men is gonna have those painful puppies in some kind of boob sling) should keep those pointy nipples from being visible to every other character in the scene, JIM BUTCHER. YES, EVEN LARA RAITH WOULD WEAR A BRA ONCE IN A GODDAMN WHILE.
if you’re being tied up and tortured in a freezing underground dungeon, then you probably have more important things to pay attention to than how hard somebody’s nipples are, jim butcher
– Wearing a bra that doesn’t fit HURTS. It’s not sexy to wear a bra that’s “two sizes too small”, it’d make your clothes hang oddly and you’d have a weird, uncomfortable “quad-boob” effect and your back would hurt, BEN AARONOVITCH.
women are vain about different things depending on their personality and upbringing.
some women are proud of their collection of lizards. some like to admire their own hair. some do actually pause to examine their own boobs in the mirror and compare them to ripe peaches but that’s probably less common than the lizard girls.
if you are very slender a lot of clothes don’t fit you. if you are even slightly overweight, a lot of clothes don’t fit you. this is why it takes women so long to shop. most clothes just don’t fucking fit.
Their boobs move. Like…realistically move. As in, the way actual breasts would motion if a woman made that movement without an over the top exaggeration and the camera is framed in a way so that it’s clearly not supposed to be sexual the way most anime would stage it. The scenes in question are meant to be taken seriously so the animators and direction is take things seriously. Either it’s just a character walking down a hall or clapping her hands.
If this were any other action/adventure anime, the camera angle would’ve been something like this for Winry’s introduction:
This is weird, but what I find so sexy about Riza is, well… How she isn’t sexualized. Like, she isn’t a pure sex object in nonstop sexy outfits. She’s a beautiful military woman, and she dresses appropriately for the role. Along with that she’s NEVER used as the ‘sexy distraction’ trope that women often are used for. She has a good role, she’s a fighter, but also has a kind heart for her friends.
That and more are reasons Riza is my favorite female anime character, and FMAB is my favorite anime.
Well said my friend.
I think there was only one instance of jiggle physics and that was with lust but that was when they were trying to make a joke about havoc having a thing for boobs and the joke was more about havoc than lust having big breasts.
“You fell into my booby trap” (proceeds to paralyze Havoc afterwards)
What I also love is that their boobs are in equal proportion to every other body part. Like, yeah, a character might have bigger boobs, but she also had a big waist/hips/legs/etc to go with it, so the largeness doesn’t feel fake. Plus, they never draw attention to the sexual stuff, and the only exception was the joke with Havoc. And it was posed in a way that made it feel like less of a raunchy boob joke and more of a joke on Havoc and how his attraction to boobs is what led him to be deceived, which doesn’t leave female viewers uncomfortable, or feeling like their body is constantly the butt of a joke, like some other animes do
That’s a good point that I didn’t realize. All of characters in the show have equally proportioned bodies.
Ed’s muscles get larger as he gets older but never reaches John Cena level of jacked since he’s still under 6 feet tall. He’s always presented as ripped and not ‘bulky’ like Sig or Alex.
Riza is about the same height as adult Ed, but they have different body styles thus the word for her would be toned. She’s still lean but her muscles and body shape are the same aren’t ‘compact’.
Fmab follows the basic body designs for males and female characters and doesn’t exaggerate a specific feature to the point where it’s comedic. It makes it’s bed, and lies in it.
Every time I see a girl in just about any other action/adventure (shonen) anime I just think:
“is your back okay? You need a doctor? Hey Thomas! Call Lucy a chiropractor!”
or better yet:
“Good Lord! Get this man a sandwich!”
The only real exception to the whole body proportion thing is ALEX LOUIS ARMSTRONG
But his ridiculously bulky muscles are used largely as a comedic element, in which the overly toned nature of his body is commented on as the “freak of nature” kind of idea and definitely not presented as if that’s some kind of expectation for anyone else in the show.
all right guys here it is THE BIG GAY ANIMAL SEX POST
or in other words, “Why Nonhuman Homosexual and Asexual Behavior has both Survival and Reproductive Benefits” aka that lit review i’d like to write if i could ever be arsed to get around to it
yes reproductive benefits you heard correctly we’re gonna get there but first we better do a basic rundown of what I mean by homosexual/asexual behaviors
IRREVERENT DISCUSSION OF ANIMAL SEX BEHIND CUT YOU’VE BEEN WARNED
spongebob and patrick emotinally abuse squidward on a daily basis and nobody???talks about this????
Mr. Krabs is basically a slave owner since he admits to almost never paying his employees.
Patrick killed like 20 people at the frycook olympics.
Plankton was so lonely that he built a computer to marry, but also programmed it to belittle him and go behind his back.
Sandy cheeks represents the oppressed minority because she is the only mammal in bikini bottom and lives alone in the middle of nowhere despite being smarter than all of them combined and yet no one here is talking about representation????
Mrs. Puff suffers from Spongebob continuously failing his driving test to the point where he one time crashed so hard, she lost her inflation (since she’s a pufferfish) and was reduced to shriveled wreck.
Don’t forget about how Spongebob constantly harassed and followed Mrs. puff afterwards despite how she clearly didn’t want anything to do with him after the accident.
Bubble Buddy killed a man.
Bubble Buddy poisoned the water supply, burned the crops, and delivered a plague onto the houses of the Bikini Bottom residents.
he did??
No… but are we just going to wait around until he does?!
I know it’s 2017 and this is all far beyond said and done but
Cats is a really bizarre fucking musical
You’re not wrong.
OKAY WHAT GETS ME more than the plot or anything else is that there are absolutely no solid rules for the way cats exist in relation to humans in this story world.
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteaser are able to go into a family’s home and essentially torment them by means of petty thievery, and the family just brushes it off with “it’s that horrible cat!” And then they move on!! So you think, alright, so in life the cats look like regular cats, and humans don’t give them much head.
But you would be WRONG because MACAVITY is out here breaking “every human law,” and his exploits are being investigated by SCOTLAND YARD. Macavity has apparently literally killed a man. Maybe more. Almost definitely more. And also, he steals the milk from people’s houses.
And when the police show up to a crime scene “Macavity’s not there.”
Why does he need to flee? Would the police actually suspect a cat when they show up to a murder scene? Is Macavity the true scourge of Scotland Yard? Or are all of the cats just exaggerating??
I NEED ANSWERS, ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER!!!!
All the other cats are regular cats but macavity is actually just a furry
I HATE THIS!!!!!!
I’ve never seen cats and always wanted to but now I can’t because this is going to absolutely ruin it for me THANKS
“Macavity is a furry” is indeed a compelling theory, but consider the implications of the alternative: that somewhere in the same fictive space as Cats, there exists a straight-laced police procedural drama where the recurring mastermind is an ordinary housecat, and nobody questions this.
The person y’all really need to be asking this of is T.S. Eliot, who wrote the original poems this musical is based on. (Unfortunately he’s been dead since 1965.)
just moving along like everyone else 