Red delicious apples being named ‘delicious’ is one of the biggest deceptions of the human race.
Omg I hit the reblog button so fast
i feel this on a spiritual level.
They were, at one time, delicious, but some fuck-up, let’s call him George, came along.
George decided the red delicious apples weren’t “red” enough, so he started to breed them so they became more red; however, as he did that, the delicious flavor was also bred out, but everyone thought they were better because they had a more consistent color.
They used to be delicious but not red, and now they are red but not delicious.
🤔🤔 I had a feeling they used to taste a lot better than they do now. Stupid humans screwing with everything
Why is my name always used for bad shit 😦
But seriously, just eat Red Gala apples
or Pink Ladies
Ew. Eat honeycrisps. Love yourselves.
Fuck that Granny Smiths are where it’s at.
Granny Smiths are a crock of shit
YOU COME IN TO MY HOUSE AND YOU INSULT PIEMAKING APPLES. WITHOUT GRANNY SMITH YOU WOULD HAVE NOTHING HOW DARE
fuji apples tho
Granny Smiths are good for pies and nothing else.
I like the classic macintosh to eat, but if I can get winecrisp I am golden (delicious)
PINK LADY OWNS MY ASS
You haven’t had apples till you’ve had ambrosia apples
All of y’all can eat my ass. Granny Smiths are the best and have the perfect amount of tang. Macintosh aren’t as good a substitute.
BRAEBURN OR NOTHING
Royal Gala or go home
HONESTLY IF YOURE HATIN ON GRANNY SMITHS YOU CAN UNFOLLOW ME RIGHT NOW IMMEDIATELY
One time I ate a Pink Lady at peak apple season and I almost cried
like excuse me but fuji???? is the best???????? you all can go dunk your heads
Things are heating up in the apple fandom
can you guys please eat winesap apples and love yourselves
ROSE APPLES OR NOTHING
Yall kidding me??? Honeycrisps, man!
Honeycrisps are the superior snacking apple, but Granny Smiths are ideal for baking.
Y’all need apple church. Galas are where it’s at.
Bitch plz pink lady is the best apple out there. Like for real guys
granny smiths and honeycrisps are the best. no exceptions
Gala, never had a bad one. Macintosh are terrible tho they’re too soft and not sweet enough WHERE IS THE CRONCH?
(admittedly I’ve basically never eaten any others besides macintosh, gala, and red/gold delicious. I guess granny smith too since I love apple pie more than life itself but too tangy for me alone)
i love william “i built a back deck for the samwell hockey haus because i was procrastinating on my final” poindexter and christopher “i helped him because i was procrastinating on my final” chow and eric “i made lemonade for them because i was procrastinating on my final” bittle and derek “i brought them the lemonade and watched in interest while they built the deck because i was procrastinating on my final” nurse and
how are the mannequins in Wonderland even mildly sentient? bc they clearly are a little bit, outside of “controlled by edward and lydia”. so how are they?
unless they’re maybe a little soul-having.
unless maybe when you come to wonderland, and can’t escape, you keep getting whittled down and down until there’s just a bit of your soul left, and then edward and lydia use that to whittle down others.
so basically my theory is that edward and lydia used the animus bell to trap the souls of the people they’d all but destroyed in their mannequins and used them to trap and destroy even more people. :’D
Thinking on it, Loki should really have just dropped the whole Asgard thing and moved to Greece to hang with the Olympians
Like, Loki’s worst bits of mischief, up to and including murder, is just Zeus’ casual Tuesday. Plus everyone is always busy either fucking with someone if not actually fucking them. There’s a god of drinking and theatre (professional artful lying, holy shit). Also a god of chilling in the woods and banging nymphs and/or lonely shepherds (ideal). Two love/beauty/lust deities (doubly ideal, good on Mama Aphrodite and Son Eros, great family tradition). No prophesy of an apocalyptic showdown to look forward to–or any kind of narrative to bind the gods, period (Fuck Yes). The local mortals are all nerds in togas or oiled up muscle men (c:). Balmy weather, access to spices (C:).
Honestly, it’d just be
Zeus: What convinces you, god from the north, that you have a place here among my family? Among the gods of sky and sea and earth, the gods who are all the power and inspiration of the world? What right have you, foreign trickster, to the gates of Olympus?
Loki: Oh, is this the job interview? Damn, and here I am without my power suit. Let me change real quick
Loki, naked: So my work history is,
Zeus, naked: Hera, have someone clear out the guest room
@roachpatrol you remember the idea we were playing with where hell was giving obsolete gods demon makeovers and jobs? and there was an angel named eggs who was wheel-sexual? i just realized what we need for that: hilarious pantheon mashups. like a yackety sax version of american gods.
speaking of american gods: thunder beings critique zeus’s bolt throwing technique while coyote eats everything and gets his head stuck in hera’s cleavage
But what about vampire history teachers. Vampires who read something from a text book then proceed to light the book on fire and throw it out the window because “No. that’s not even close to what really happened. Listen up nerds I’m about to teach you what really happened in France during the revolution”
I need this as a series
Vampires sharing the recipe for Greek fire.
Vampires speaking in dead languages.
Vampires being able to translate untranslatable scripts.
Vampires who react to straightwashing historical figures like “Are you kidding me everyone knew that man was queer!”
Vampires from cultures who were once antagonistic towards each other stubbornly maintaining a friendship that’s lasted longer than their civilizations.
Vampires who honour forgotten deities you won’t find in mythology books.
Also, vampires who secretly saved stuff from the Library of Alexandra.
A vampire show that does not revolve all around sex and eternal cursed love.
nerd vampire whose knowledge of current events is terrible but they can always remember everything that’s considered “history” so they have a super-detailed knowledge of everything up to about thirty years ago and then ?????
vampire who couldn’t tell you what caravaggio was known for but duelled with him at least three times and slept with him at least ten. “cara-who OH YOU MEAN MICHAEL yeah he was cool”
vampire who spent 100 years in a convent and is still so bitter that in all that time they never made her mother superior “GODDAMMIT I HAD SENIORITY! I HAD SENIORITY!” “okay so first off janet, that was six hundred years ago, but more importantly, maybe if you didn’t always start those complaints off with blasphemy…”
vampire professor who just sort of showed up at oxford when it was founded and is still there (and nobody’s noticed because he still never actually shows up to his lectures)
vampire politician who lifts all their campaign speeches wholesale from speeches given 200 years ago and just waits for someone to catch them out (nobody ever does they’re prime minister and their approval ratings are through the roof)
WAIT I HAVE MORE
queer vampire who constantly talks about the fashion for straightness and you need to be really careful because if you tell them straight is default they WILL scream at you for five days straight about what a modern concept heterosexuality is
vampire hoarder who has an entire town where they just kept having to buy new houses to keep their stuff in and some of it’s probably worth tens of millions by now but you’ll never find it in among the 1950s kitschy kitten sculptures and boxes of newspaper (the newspaper is a wonderful mix of yesterday’s guardian and daily courants from 1725)
vampire sailor from manderville’s time who just has so many stories and some of them might even be true
vampire bluestocking girl who took to the internet like a fish to water and spends her whole unlife engaging reddit antifeminists about women’s rights because that’s one fight she’s determined to see through. also with the advent of cheap dyes she literally wears blue socks every day and hopes one day someone gets the joke
vampire doctor who just gets SO CONFUSED about the literature because do you know how hard it is to keep up with medicine kevin? when i got my doctorate we thought leeches were good and then they were bad and now they’re good again? i was published in issue one of the lancet kevin that is 387 lancets kevin how the hell am i meant to remember which one’s current kevin why are they saying cannabis is good for pain like this is news??? (but also lives in a state of wonderment every day in hospital because wow look at all this stuff we can do now look at it kevin!)
entire coven of vampires constantly quibbling over manners because they’re all from different periods: “HATS OFF AT TABLE” “SCREW YOU LEONARD ONLY PEASANTS EAT BAREHEADED” “TABITHA THAT HASN’T BEEN GOOD MANNERS SINCE THE 1500S NOBODY HAS LICE ANY MORE” “IT ISN’T ABOUT LICE LEONARD IT’S ABOUT GOOD MANNERS YOU NEED TO HAVE GOOD MANNERS WHEN YOU HAVE PEOPLE OVER FOR DINNER” “I SWEAR TO GOD TABITHA IF YOU MAKE THAT PUN ONE MORE TIME I WILL SHOVE YOUR STUPID HAT DOWN YOUR THROAT”
vampire musicians who might not have been child prodigies but goddammit 500 years of practicing an instrument is bound to get you somewhere (also knowing the composer and being the first person to start playing a song doesn’t hurt either)
my favorite will always be vampires who know fuck-all about the standard major historical events because they were always somewhere else whenever big shit was going down:
“yeah i heard about the hundred years war but i was in northern african at the time so…”
“the roman empire fell??? how did the fucking roman empire fall??? i spend a fucking handful of decades in india and i come back to this???”
“russia needs to stop having revolutions, i can’t keep them all straight…”
“when did france become a democracy?? and america’s now it’s own country??? i’ve spent the last century in a forest in wallachia scaring small children so––wHat dO yOU meAn we’re calling it romania now??? when the fuck did it become romania???”
“WE HAD A WORLD WAR??? WE HAD TWO WORLD WARS???? well obviously ‘world’ is an exaggeration because i heard nothing about it while i was lost in the amazon rainforest for the last fifty years…”
“listen i spent most of the fourteenth century as a pirate in the south china sea so someone’s gonna had to clue me in on all this ‘black plague’ nonsense.”
Ooh ooh! The guy from TFA who called Peggy “your majesty” and both Peggy Princess Liz go “yes soldier?” totally straight faced
SOMEONE WRITE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And then Steve sees her AGAIN in the present day, and any and all other superheroes in attendance are trying very hard to live up to protocol, and Queen Elizabeth is like, “Steve. Long time no see.”
Following the ice, Peggy gets a call from her Army buddy Liz, offering condolences and any assistance she can. It’s the only call Peggy gets that isn’t from Howard or the Howling Commandos that matters.
‘that’s pornhub, simba. you must never go there.’)
we all see plenty of posts about how adults on the internet need to remember that ‘kids’ (read: teens) are around and we must bear that in mind. and these posts are not entirely without merit. It’s important to keep conversations being held with teens carefully teen-friendly and appropriately distant. but the entirety of tumblr and twitter aren’t designed to cater to the safety of minors, and all the adult self-policing in the world won’t make all the kid-unfriendly content go away.
not all teens believe the internet should have gutter bumpers for them, either. but those that do have mystified me for a while … until I started to understand just how pervasive ‘helicopter parenting’ is in parts of American (and UK) culture, and how that affects the adolescents and young adults of today.
anonymous asked:
a thing worth noting re anyone who pulls the ‘you can’t blacklist on mobile, minors can still see it’ thing to say even tagged content isn’t okay: even if washboard didn’t exist, the tumblr app is rated 17/18+ in app stores. if people under that age get on the app and see things they shouldn’t, that’s on them and their parents/guardians, because they shouldn’t actually have been using the app in the first place.
agreed.
Honestly, though, the argument has moved past this in some ways. It’s not so much about whether or not teenagers are allowed to see this thing or that thing; it’s a well-known fact that most teenagers will break rules if it suits them and they can get away with it, and internet time is a prime space wherein they can do so.
What’s happened is that some adolescents – teens with parents that are overly protective and crowd their schedules with supervised activities, usually – have been taught by their life experience that:
all adults in their vicinity are there to protect them. and no wonder: the large majority of their contact with adults will have been as supervisors. Teachers, teacher assistants, instructors, daycare employees, and coaches are all adults who are paid to watch their activity and will be held responsible for the teen’s wellbeing by their guardians. when have they ever spent time with adults who aren’t in charge of making sure they’re safe?
any space they are in will be designed and maintained with their safety and comfort in mind (no matter how they obtained access). all spaces they enter are specifically meant to revolve around them: schools, sports, playgrounds, etc. The few occasions that they have to enter spaces not meant specifically for them (stores, etc) they are closely watched by adults and any harm they experience will be blamed on adults as a result.
if they can get access, it must be a space that’s safe for them. Having spent very little of their lives unsupervised, they have always been actively prevented from entering spaces that are not meant for them. They’ve never had to learn to set boundaries for themselves, so they naturally reason that if a boundary is not actively enforced, it must actually be a space they’re meant to enter.
they are not responsible for themselves. adults around them are responsible for them. if they come to harm, it’s because an adult wasn’t doing their job properly.
for teens of this mindset, ‘18+ ONLY’ warnings are merely a suggestion. Nobody is stopping them, after all, and it has never been their job to stop themselves. and if they can get access, the space is now theirs – because all spaces they are in are theirs. they couldn’t get there unless it was meant for them; that’s how it works, right?
This is why some teens are utterly flabbergasted by the idea that adults on the internet want to interact with fellow adults on an adult level in a space the teen can access. They’re here! That means the space is specifically meant to cater to them! The adults are automatically tasked with their safety! If teens do get into trouble, it’s because the adults weren’t responsible enough! that’s how this has always worked.
And when adults say ‘no, I do not take responsibility for your actions, the internet is full of things that may frighten or harm you and you must set your own boundaries,’ it’s distressing and scary all at once.
(no wonder so many people in their late teens/early 20′s want to still be considered as children.)
This explains a lot. I grew up with sane parents a long time ago, and as a result, I tend to assume that the world is full of things that could potentially hurt me, but that are very unlikely to if I exercise reasonable caution. This has worked out quite well.
just moving along like everyone else 