Author: lebelinoria

nhl teams as john mulaney quotes

csheary:

habs: theyre a group of french assholes slowly taking over america humiliating audience members one by one
‘

yotes: 🎵and life is a fucking nightmare🎵

vgk: i’m new in town and it gets worse

canes: you could pour soup in my lap and i’ll probably apologise to you!

ducks: too old to be a duckling quack quack

blues: 

They’re like ‘does that work?’ I’m like ‘it didn’t NOT work.’

leafs: eighth graders will make fun of you but in an accurate way.

kings:  it is 100% easier not to do things than to do them.

devs: i was just a young motown singer. i was just shiny and dumb and easy to trick. 

sens: I look like I was just sitting in a room in a chair eating Saltines for like 28 years and then I walked right out here.

pens: you have the moral back bone of a chocolate eclair

oilers: hm gross. mop it up.

flyers: im really sorry about last night, it’s just that im mean and loud. it probably will happen again

preds:  He grabbed a 40, smashed it on the ground, and yelled “SCATTER!”

caps: something happened here. you hope it was a miracle. probably not.

bruins: Would like an old turnip that we found in a cabinet?

avs: You ever have those days where something happens and you’re like… Whatever, this may as well happen?

stars: *mooing angrily*

isles: 28-year-old healthy man trying his best

sabres: With three children and nine on the way, and a max budget of $7…

sharks: one dude took a running start and threw his body onto the pool table and broke it in half

bolts: and i thought ‘i’ve never climbed a fence that high before!’ and a woke up at home

wild:  cause you’re never too young to learn our national no snitching policy

rangers: its a grid system mother fucker!

cbj: she is so fucked up she calls the head the top part

canucks: we were a swell bunch of kids in group 2

jets: fuck. da. police.

wings: don’t get me wrong, i’m unhappy,

panthers: somoene took a shit on my dad’s computer

flames:  I have had a very long day. I am very small. And I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.

cambriancrew:

Nita: “I never thought goodness could be so tough. So strong. But then again, I guess goodness isn’t something I’d think about a whole lot, anyway. Nobody uses the word much unless it’s in a commercial, and then they’re just trying to convince you that something has a lot of milk in it.”

Carl: “Virtue. The real thing. It’s not some kind of cuddly teddy bear you can keep on the shelf until you need a hug. It’s dangerous, which is why it makes people so nervous. Virtue has its own agenda, and believe me, it’s not always yours. The word itself means strength, power. And when it gets loose, you’d better watch out.”

Nita: “Something bad might happen…?”

Carl: “Impossible. But possibly something painful.”

~Good is not always nice or pleasant. But it is strong.~

sarahviehmann:

kaerya:

claryfairhild:

i’m so done with the way girls in twenties are treated. i’m so done with people who literally create timetable for us. 20- 24  find a guy, 24-26 make him propose to you, 27-29 get married. i’m so done. i’m do not want to get 2 a.m texts from my best friend who is freaking out that she is gonna die alone. i do not want see my 20 years old friend wasting her time on some guys who are not even interested in her. i do not want see us falling for every nice guy who does not look creepy. i do not want to see girls get sad or paranoid just bcos they do not fill in the schedule. you are ok. you should enjoy your life at its fullest and one day you will find 10/10 so do not pursue 6 just because you do not want to be single. it is ok and one day you will find someone. do not split your love with people who does not deserve it. keep it for yourself and when time will come you will know. i know it hurts. i know you wish u could just open part of yourself and release the buzzing love. but not every kind of love is romantic. show it to your family, friends, plants, yourself.

Not a real criticism, just an expansion really, but …  it’s not just the timetables we need to get away from, but the goal itself, I think.  “One day you will find someone,” sounds comforting, but the reason it doesn’t lay fears to rest is because we are all smart enough to know it’s not necessarily true.

My aunt is over sixty, never married, and never, so far as I am aware, ever even had a great romance.  She dated a lot, but never clicked and now seems to have given up.  My mentor is over seventy, divorced her asshole husband more than half her life ago and has never found anyone since.

We all know women (and men) like these.  And because we know them, we know that “one day you will find someone,” is just … hogwash.  Because sometimes you just … don’t.  Or sometimes you do, but he turns out to be a cad.  Or you do and the universe rips you apart in the most unfair way possible.  And because society has us so fixated on finding “our other half” or whatever, we view these women as cautionary tales.

But … 

My aunt trains dogs.  Her schipperke is the national champion for his breed.  She spent so much of her life as a librarian, nurturing the love of books in kids, myself among them.  I ride horses because of her, and it’s one of the very few things I do that makes my soul feel at peace.

My mentor is one of the best criminal defense attorneys in her state.  She has devoted her life to fighting to ensure that everyone gets a vigorous defense.  Because of her countless people have had the opportunity to turn their lives around.  Because of her, they’ve had a life to turn around.  Because of her, the prosecution and the police in her jurisdiction are forced to behave ethically and adhere to the rule of law.  She’s still, even now fighting to abolish the death penalty.  It’s because of her that I am pursuing the life I am.

These women’s lives are not nothing.  In fact they are a whole lot of something, and it makes my heart hurt that I ever, in my dark 3 am’s, thought of their lives as something to be avoided at all costs.

So love your family, your friends, your pets, your gardens.  Love your job or your hobby or your raison d’ etre, whatever it is.  Love sunsets and the smell of rain and yourself, and don’t love these as something to do as a placeholder until the buzzing, romantic love comes, but love these as things worth loving all in themselves.

It’s fucking hard some days.  The dark 3 am’s still come sometimes.  But most days, I am so much more at peace knowing that I am not incomplete or waiting, but that my life, if it ended today, is worth it because of the platonic, familial, friendship love I have shared.  And if the other kind does come someday, that’ll be nice, but it won’t make any of the others less.  It’ll just be caramel sauce on a sundae–tasty and wonderful, but the sundae was perfect without it too.

I needed this today.

thefeelszone:

epersonae:

anonymousalchemist:

i feel like the two modes of writing fanfic are: 

“hmm this seems to be a thing the fandom wants and i enjoy writing it” 

and 

“fuccccckckkkkkkk you all im gonna write this EXTREMELY niche and specific content that i wanna read” 

Look, this is my niche and I’m happy here. (Altho at this point? Is it niches plural?)

Finding Family is the second one ALL THE WAY

enderyoshi:

one-time-i-dreamt:

willow-wanderings:

one-time-i-dreamt:

This past night, I heard a soft whining and scratching at my door and I opened them, thinking it would probably be my dog, asking to be let in. There was nothing there and after waiting for a minute or two and softly calling out for him, I closed the door and went back to bed (my head is right next to the door so I can open them without getting up). This repeated twice more during the night and finally, I got up to collect whichever of my dog was making the ruckus and get them to sleep in my room without waking me every half an hour, only to realize that they weren’t home. I’ve been home alone this whole time. They went with my aunt to a sleepover the previous evening. After checking every room in the apartment, every closet, every cupboard, even behind doors, I ran back to bed in a hurry and tucked myself in, feeling a bit frightened about the whole experience and trying to convince myself I dreamt the whole thing. Only, it felt so real that it left me wondering about one thing.

Who was at my door?

Most likely? No one and nothing. Your sleepy brain was probably playing tricks on itself (I mean, come on, it’s a 3lb ball of jello trying to run a complex biological machine and supercomputer, and it has to do it all with less electricity than it takes to work a lightbulb; weird shit is just gonna happen).

So, it’s entirely possible that it was just a hypnagogic hallucination. Hallucinations don’t have to be visual and, especially with auditory hallucinations, it’s often difficult to determine if what you’re experiencing is real or not because your brain will lie to itself. It will pretend it heard something and then go “well I heard it, it must be real!” so it processes the imagined stimulus as if it were real, resulting in a hallucination.

Edge-of-sleep hallucinations are super common, pretty much everyone has had it happen to them at least once, because your brain is in the middle of moving from being awake into being asleep/starting to dream. So sometimes some of the “almost dreaming” leaks into the still-awake parts of your brain and you see/hear weird shit that isn’t there.

Probably, but I’d like to believe it was a ghost doggo trying to get me to play with him better than the likely truth.

Puppernormal Activity