fozmeadows:

sashayed:

You guys, you must stop doing this. You must. We cannot keep yelling at you about it because it makes us so angry, and we are already angry all the time, about real things, like how our lives are turning into a real world Handmaid’s Tale, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha. We cannot keep spending our energy being mad at mediocre men for writing mediocre books that inexplicably win awards and that people tell us to read, for some fucking godawful who knows reason.

So men. My guys. My dudes. My bros. My writers. I am begging you to help me here. When you have this man in your workshop, you must turn to him. You must take his clammy hands in yours. You must look deep into his eyes, his man eyes, with your man eyes, and you must say to him, “Peter, I am a man, and you are a man, so let us talk to each other like men. Peter, look at the way you have written about the only four women in this book.” And Peter will say, trying to free his hands, “What? These are sexy, dynamic, interesting women.” And you must grip his hands even tighter and you must say to him, “ARE THEY, PETER? Why are they interesting? What are their hobbies? What are their private habits? What are their strange dreams? What choices are they making, Peter? They are not making choices. They are not interesting. What they are is sexy, and you have those things confused, and not in the good way where someone’s interestingness makes them become sexy, like Steve Buscemi or Pauline Viardot. Why must women be sexy to be interesting to you? The women you don’t find sexy are where, Peter? They are invisible? They are all dead?” He is trying to escape! Tighten your grasp. “Peter, look at this. I mean, where to begin. ‘She could have been any age between eighteen and thirty-five?’ There are no other ages, I guess? Do you know what eighteen-year-olds really look like, in life? Do you know what thirty-SEVEN-year-olds look like, god forbid? And not that this is even the point, but why are these supposedly sexy and dynamic and interesting women BOTHERING with your boring garbage ‘on the skinny side of average’ protagonist? Why did you write it like this, Peter?” 

And maybe Peter will say at last, “I don’t know.” Maybe he will be silent for a long long long time, and then maybe he will say, “I guess it’s scary and difficult for me to imagine the interiority of women because then i would have to know that my mother had an interiority of her own: private, petty, sexually unstimulating, strange: unrelated to me and undevoted to my needs. That sometimes I was nothing to my mother, just as sometimes she is nothing to me. That I was not at all times her immediate concern.”

“I know, Peter,” you can tell him gently.

“I don’t want to know that my mother was a human being with an internal life, because to know that would be to risk a frightening intimacy with her,” Peter will say, maybe. “Because to know that would be to know that she was only a small, complicated person, no bigger or smaller than I am, and I am so small. To know how alone she was. How alone I am. How alone we all are. That my mother survived with no resources more mysterious than my own. And yet she gave me life. My God: she gave me life. How can I pay her back for that? And how can I forgive her for it? How can I ever repay her for the good and the evil of it, my life, every day of my life?” He will be sobbing probably. “I am frightened of her. I am frightened of loneliness. I am frightened of dying. O God. My God. I didn’t know. I didn’t know.” Drool will run from his mouth as he cries. The way babies cry. He will be ashamed. You must hold him. You must say, “Shh, Peter. Shh.” Wrap your man arms around him. Hum into his thin hair as your own mother hummed once into your own sweet-smelling baby scalp. Kiss him gently on his mouth. There. You did it, men. You fixed sexism. Thank you. You’re the real hero here, as always, you men, and your special man powers, for making art. 

put this in the smithsonian and then bury me with it

The Evidence:

fledgling-witch:

shkedia:

h3lena-o:

nentuaby:

thedarkaquarian:

fledgling-witch:

the-macra:

local-shop:

fledgling-witch:

  • The Magic School Bus can time travel
  • When asked, Ms. Frizzle denies that she “knows everything”
  • However, Ms. Frizzle always knows what her students are up to, knows the answer to every question they ask her, and never shows fear even when in extreme mortal peril, as if she’s experienced this all before
  • Although we know she was in a rock band called the Frizzlettes and was a Shakespearean actress, Ms. Frizzle’s childhood remains mysterious
  • Ms. Frizzle is EXACTLY the sort of person to travel back in time to teach herself, and is in fact the most likely fictional character to do so
  • Nobody is ever named “Valerie Frizzle” at birth
  • Ms. Frizzle dresses queerly and laughs at her own bad jokes
  • A lot of the series is about Arnold learning to take chances, make mistakes, and get messy – that phrase is more or less targeted at him as a student
  • Ms. Frizzle looks a lot like a grown-up Arnold

Holy shit???????

She literally has a giant storeroom full of barrels of pickles because she loves pickles so much what more evidence do you need

What relation do pickles have with the transgender community?

One of the medications used in hormone therapy for trans women (spironolactone, which counteracts testosterone) has the side effect of, putting it crudely, making you have to pee all the goddamn time. That causes dehydration and loss of electrolytes.

Pickles and pickle juice turn out to be a fairly convenient and flavorful way of satisfying an electrolyte craving. Those who’ve been on spiro a long time can develop a nigh-spiritual bond with ‘em.

dope

LIZ IS TRANS TOO BC SHE HAS HORNS AND FEMALE JACKSONS CHAMELEONS DONT HAVE HORNS

jumpingjacktrash:

tainbocuailnge:

tainbocuailnge:

tainbocuailnge:

we need to go back to oppressing gilgamesh fans. I say this as someone who likes gilgamesh: we as a people, as a society, absolutely must oppress gilgamesh and his fans.

chapter babylon looms on the horizon and it is of the utmost importance that we don’t let anyone believe gilgamesh is meant for anything other than relentless bullying

I won’t deny this was about the overrated little twink from fate but you lot know as well as I do that the actual historical king gilgamesh from the epic of gilgamesh needs to be bullied too. that’s literally why they made enkidu

i know absolutely nothing about whatever game or anime they’re talking about so i continue to parse this as an unearthed clay tablet along the lines of the one complaining about the copper wholesaler ripping them off

miamaroo:

Inspiration tells the listener what they need to hear exactly when they need to hear it. The voidfish’s song is, in part, bardic magic. Therefore, I propose this:

Not everyone got the full story on the day of story and song. Maybe someone relates more strongly to other dwarves, or maybe the mothers of the world needed to hear about other motherly figures

But depending on who you are, you got a different version of the stolen century. Everything from the perspective of Magnus, the story portrayed as an epic romance, emphasis being placed on the scientific perspective

Bards start popping up, making it their mission to get as complete of a version of the story as they can. Scholarly circles debate the validity of each one since, well, everyone remembers it differently. The song becomes a subject to study all on its own

People start jokingly saying that the bird whose perspective you saw the most of is a personality type. Magazines give you desserts you might like based on what bird you are. If you’re a Lup, you’re known for your tenaciousness and caring nature. Future generations who didn’t see the song can take quizzes to determine which bird they are, or even base it on their star signs. If you’re edgy, you say you’re John. Nobody is named John anymore. Comedians make John jokes and pretend to not understand why everyone is offended.

The birds become folkloric figures. The birds themselves become folkloric types. Purchase a book of fairytales, and the human heroes are all named Lucretia and Magnus. All the clerics are Merle’s, the leader-types Davenport. Lup and Taako went up the hill to get a pail of water.

In some places more remote than others, it’s spiritual. You invoke the name of the Lover to guide you in your love, the Peacemaker when you stand on the break of war. Widows place lavenders on the graves of their lost loves and ask Magnus how he coped when he lost it all

(If you look on TV, there’s a three stooges comedy of an elf, a human, and a dwarf bumbling their way to saving the world. It’s a phenomenon. Goofy lines they never said in real life get attributed to them. In a few years, someone makes a dark, serious version of their story and calls it subversive)

In many years, you can read feminist, Freudian, or even post-modern interpretations of the song like it is any other story studied in schools. Every eight grade class has to read an anthology of various tales from the song. It becomes a chore the way reading the Odyssey is today, but there’s always those moments when you hear a certain tale and you think, yeah, this one’s mine.

No one gets the same version of the story. They hear what inspires them at that moment to pick up their weapons and fight back the encroaching darkness. From its conception, the titular song is like all other epics, all other legends that influence our culture to this day— ambiguous, malleable, and adaptable

nebezial-asheri:

decided to put these in a bit of a chronological order as i can’t help but form a story behind the scenes. it’s a storyteller’s habit. and yeah i do have an idea i would genuinely like to explore with gail simone as a crossover comic. 

i don’t want to be the writer for this. but at the same time i always found diving into these things and exploring the character chemistry was the best way to get an artistic feeling for it.

this is also how i usually develop my own stories.

anyhow, while many think this is me drawing some shipping, in fact this a proof of concept for an adventure story  featuring lara and diana. Gail simone at some point asked if they would kiss and i gave it some genuine thought. i am a character first kind of a writer, myself, so i contemplated this. then i decided, yes, probably.

after all, romantic subplots have been the bread and butter of adventure writing since its inception and i always liked that aspect of adventure stories.

 i hope this puts some things in context from my end XD

and while

there will probably be a few more of these, there will be no nsfw pics. after all, camera pans away from indiana jones in those moments as well  XD

okay… there may be a chance of a kiss… but that’s about it. 

jumpingjacktrash:

ryncoon:

ceescedasticity:

jumpingjacktrash:

theelvenkingshalls:

mistergandalf:

mistergandalf:

one of my favorite lotr facts is that gondorians speak sindarin as a first language and yet when faramir was talking to frodo and sam about cirith ungol he was like “we don’t know what’s in there.” like faramir. cirith ungol is sindarin for “pass of the spider.” do the math

some of my favorite tags on this post

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Don’t forget that Frodo also speaks Sindarin, which makes this even worse.

Faramir: Hey, don’t go up the Spider Stairs.

Frodo: Why? What’s up the Spider Stairs?

Faramir: We don’t know, Frodo. We just don’t know.

to be fair, you’d assume the name means “there’s a lot of spiders here,” not, “there is one spider the size of a draft horse here.” so you go up expecting to have to shoo a lot of skeeter eaters out of your tent, and instead you have to figure out how to rope and shoe godzillarantula.

Hmmm…

They do live in a world where godzillarantulas feature prominently in mythology and history (Ungoliant plunged the world into darkness, scared the crap out of Sauron’s old boss, etc) and existed within the last century in Mirkwood. Assuming they ever talk to anyone who’s been to Mirkwood. They… probably know they were giant spiders in Mirkwood pretty recently? It’s hard to figure out how much anyone in Middle-earth has been talking to anyone else when we didn’t actually see it.

On the other hand – what if it’s the giant evil spiders’ prominence in history/mythology that’s causing trouble? What if lots of evil/nasty things/places get called “spider” just to indicate how nasty and evil they are, rather than any association with literal spiders, and it’s just… overloaded? Maybe the bad part of town in Minas Tirith is the Spider District. Maybe every tavern trying to be edgy calls itself the Spiderweb.

Actually spider/Ungoliant references could be really appealing to Gondorians trying to be edgy. They’re dark and evil! Plunged the world into darkness! But they AREN’T involved in the war they’re actually fighting, they aren’t directly associated with Sauron at all, so getting too interested in them would be creepy without being potentially treasonous. Because no one’s ACTUALLY going to worship those dangerous but not epic spiders up in Mirkwood, and no one’s heard anything from any proper spawn of Ungoliant in ages and ages.

In fact, spider/Ungoliant references might be appealing to ORCS trying to express that something is nasty and creepy! Nobody likes Ungoliant.

Maybe Faramir’s been to fourteen different Spider Caves across Ithilien, and half of them he didn’t even see regular spiders in, they’re just dark and damp and may have had orcs at some point, or something, and at some point in history someone got spooked. So you know, it’s POSSIBLE Spider Pass has something to do with spiders? But really it just means people don’t like it.

(The problem with this theory is we never actually SAW anyone overusing spider references. But it’s plausible they would!)

This sounds like something Tolkein would agree with.

that actually makes a lot of sense. there are probably hundreds of river rapids in north america called Devil’s Cauldron. if someone tells you not to canoe on that river, you’ll assume it’s because the rapids will smash your boat, not because the literal devil will boil you for soup.

theduchessunseen:

annalightwood:

tearlessrain:

2018 has lasted four years yet october lasted a week and november has disengaged from linear time entirely

#january-march was 4 years ago // april was normal i think // may was a week ago // june 1st was a year ago#summer in general was the vague concept of exsistence that lasted anywhere between 13-18 weeks#october was at least a week and a half // November?? tried her best but sister only lasted two days this year#today is already yesterday#2018#edit: i completely forgot september existed which honestly says a lot (via @steebucks)