dovebalitang:

protector of the small characters as john mulaney quotes

kel: I’ll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, I’ll die.

neal: If it’s a true or false question, you should be able to add a third option, which is “who’s to say?”

duke baird: Psh. You’re not gonna faint.

alanna: First of all, no.

raoul: In terms of instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin.

lalasa: Everybody get out of my way. I just want to sit here and feed my birds.

tobe: I have had a very long day. I am very small and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress I am under.

cleon: All right! I am Too Blessed to be Stressed, let’s do it.

wyldon: Sometimes babies will point at me, and I don’t care for that shit at all.

peachblossom: You know how I’m filled with rage?

owen: You’re never too young to learn our national no snitching policy.