jumpingjacktrash:

crazy-pages:

hornygold:

spoiledchestnut:

Alien: You shouldn’t eat that.

Human: What?

Alien: That thing. Don’t you know it’s extremely acidic? Enough to cause eventual deterioration of your flesh?

Human: ….it’s a fucking pineapple.

Alien: But that thing contains bromelain, it’ll destroy your body’s proteins!

Human: Not if I digest the bromelain first.

Alien: Humans are insane!

“Not if I digest it first” is an official human motto, in close competition with “not if I pet it first”.

alien: WHY ARE YOU EATING THAT IT LITERALLY CAUSES YOU EXCRUCIATING PAIN

human: but they stuffed it with cheese and deep fried it

alien: WOULD YOU EAT A HAND GRENADE IF IT WAS DEEP FRIED

human: is this a trick question