depressed kids in the media: I don’t wanna go to therapy! I don’t need help! I’m not some specimen for you to dissect!
me, rollin up to my therapist’s office and collapsing in relief: what is UP my homeboy I fuckin missed you,, hope ur ready to hear some Bull Shit that fuckin happened to me this week
families of depressed kids in media: okay sweetie we’ve researched depression for ten hours straight and signed you up for therapy and re-arranged your school schedule to be less stressful
actual parents of depressed kids: look i get you’re sad but someones gotta do the goddamn dishes stop being lazy get up. why didn’t you go to school today, what’s wrong with you, you’re such a burden on this family.
Therapists in the media: *understanding head tilt*
My real live therapist whom I adore: Natalie, that is the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard.
Therapists in Media: Lets do some art therapy and be really quiet while we talk about your feelings :)))))) also I’m prescribing you 500 different medicines
My therapist Brian who I love to death: Jack, I think your first problem is you stay up too late looking at memes, so let’s try taking a nap
My real life therapist: Okay, before we start, I found this hilarious video I know you’d love.
Therapist in media: serious face the whole time
My therapist: *laughs awkwardly*
therapists in media: refined, cultured, poised, “I’m afraid I haven’t [heard of the nerdy thing their patient just referenced]”
my old therapist derek, from across the reception area, seeing me for the first time after the summer of 2015: HEY DID YOU SEE AGE OF ULTRON?? IT SUCKED, RIGHT???
my current therapist ian, in our very first appointment: do you like star wars? anxiety is like the force, it can consume you, or you can learn to keep it in balance… you’re my padawan now
Actual things my therapist has told me:
“You’re bassicly a glorified sad lizard.” (It makes sense with context)
“Damn girl you need to get your shit together.”
“Go home and cry. Stop drinking in bathtubs. Eat something that isn’t bleach or memes.”
I’ll add more tomorrow after I see her again.
my late lamented 74-year-old-therapist with margaret thatcher hair and eyeglasses on a chain: “so in this dream were you the fuckER or the fuckEE?”
depressed adult men in media: depression is for girls, i’m just brooding and drinking because it’s cool
me in real life: *to the tune of rubber duckie* lexapro pill, you’re the one! you make it possible to have fun!
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depressed adult men in media, when forced at gunpoint to see a therapist: nothing is wrong, everything is peachy, three seasons of trauma have not given me PTSD because i’m a protagonist, can i go now
me in real life seeing stacy the brain mechanic: … help?
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therapist of adult man in media: good, you expressed a feeling, well done! same time next week ok?
stacy the brain mechanic: dude, you do realize that if anyone else talked about you the way you talk about yourself, you’d kick their ass
Published
just moving along like everyone else 