manyblinkinglights:

curlicuecal:

ave-boy:

facts

I was realizing recently that my need to be the best at everything I do is really just a desire to find some position where I can’t be judged.

This is also why I procrastinate.

I love both you girls for the same reason, is what I’m saying.

you gotta strongarm urself into feeling secure Failing Correctly, like: having thoughtfully tried without panicking, putting in a rational amount of effort without blindly causing more problems than you solve, asking for help, and recognizing and recategorizing tasks neurotypicals give you that actually ARE impossible and which they just want to see you put some mild effort in at, and won’t judge you poorly for not finishing/will judge you more highly for having nobly and loyally picked away at NO MATTER YOUR RESULT because they told you to.

A lot of RSD task problems just need a different perspective; most people suck and can’t get anything done. They display respect for superiors and win points by doing THEIR best, even if it isn’t useful let alone perfect, because what they’re demonstrating is compliance–they can be trusted to do what they’re told. They might have been mostly (horribly, painfully) imperfect or useless on this or that task, but they prove by “"trying”“ that, in the future, when conditions are right, they’ll get something done THEN without squandering luck or resources. It inspires others to provide for them better next time because they’ve actually won, in turning in failure or imperfection, by showing that they exerted reasonable and sustained effort and didn’t give up. It isn’t about just the ONE task, which usually isn’t RSD-style life or death or shameful-exile important.

You can fuck up every task you’re given for a long ass time and you’ll keep getting chances if you keep “trying” reasonably and sub-catastrophically, because your shortcomings will be attributed to an unfortunate lack of support from others (not trained right, lack of access to correct tools/materials/software) so long as you bring YOUR part, a patiently iterating “effort.” Displaying THAT is unassailable and judgement-proof, especially if you ask for help/clarification when convenient for others a lot!