on the subject of Humans Are Space Orcs i keep thinking it would be funny if ‘pursuit predator’ humans got together with an ‘ambush predator’ feliform species. and like. humans enjoy walking around with their friends! and the feliforms enjoy huddling in a concealed location with their friends! and it takes all of half an hour for a human to pick up a scarf and make a sling to take their pal with them while they go grab some lunch.
our new friends are like ‘are you sure this isn’t an inconvenience’ and the humans are like ‘are you kidding we do this with terran cats whether they like it or not’
also the team-up of humans and the feliform species gives most herbivore species in the galaxy screaming nightmares because here is a mobile tower that will follow you for 16 hours straight and it’s carrying a bag full of sneaky murder like it’s a baby this is not okay
YES
Why does it have to be an alien race, we could just enhance cat intelligence and figure out usable vocal chords for them. My one cat is a regular American Shorthair, except he’s 18 pounds of solid muscle and is larger than several dog breeds, and has pitch-black fur. Now imagine *that* as a common scarf baby.
My husband and father in law like large house cats. Like 15lbs is an absolute minimum. Most are in the 20-25lb range and none of it’s fat. One, Matarro, looks like a damned tortoise shell body builder. Do you even lift? And then they train them to be “shoulder kitties”. So these cats hide on top of entertainment consoles and armoires and curio cabinets to ambush you for rides through the house so they don’t have to walk because I guess every earth species plays the floor is lava.
I’m not a big person. I’m 5’2. Both my husband and his dad tower over me by a full foot. They have the shoulder space for these tanks to suddenly pounce on them for rides. I do not. The first time i went to my in laws house, I was walking to the kitchen when Matarro decided he wanted to come along. Matarro was 27lbs at the time and from shoulder to hip was 3 inches longer than my shoulders are wide. He ambushed me from the dining room hutch and literally knocked me off my feet. It was like having a bowling ball with claws thrown at me.
If they weren’t basically all marshmallow fluff insides those cats would reign terror on the known universe. What would aliens think? “The monster is attacking!” “OMG why are they just letting these things attack them?!” “What the shit?! They intentionally TRAIN them to hone the murderous ambush skills?! They think it’s cute? He’s just a big softie, really?! We’re leaving. We’re leaving right now. Fuck this planet just get in the ship. Go! Go! Go!”
And all the humans would be confused like “but he really is just a big softie! Where are you going? It’s adorable! You should have seen the time he knocked Jen on her ass jumping down on her. Wait, what did I say? Why are you running?”
Lol, 27 pounds of cat just sounds like a weapon.
Published
just moving along like everyone else 