list of new hockey rules i’d put in place if i ran the nhl

soft-hockey:

•everyone who goes to the penalty box has to wear a dunce cap for the duration of the penalty

•if the goalie gets the puck in his glove, he should be allowed to try to carry it down to the other end of the rink and throw it into the other goal

•if you pull the goalie your 6th man has to be the mascot

•if 2 players hold hands while one commits a penalty, the other is allowed to go to the box (and wear the dunce cap) for him

•instead of shootouts, there’s a sudden death figure skating competition between the two teams’ captains. if the captain is injured or sick, then this task may be delegated to one of his As

•consistent goalie interference rules lol

•if wayne gretzky attends a game, he is allowed to dress in a plain black jersey and come on the ice. he’s not playing for either team, he’s just there to shake things up

•intermissions will be filled by a pet show of the players’ dogs