beka-tiddalik:

madlori:

itsybittle:

itsybittle:

ziimmermanns:

I’m just saying

Eric Richard “Bitty” Bittle would absolutely destroy the competition if he ever competed on cutthroat kitchen because he would seem to be this sweet little baker to the other contestants and then it would switch to the personal commentary and he would have this terrifying smile on his face and he would just say “my boyfriend is an NHL star and I have my own restaurant I don’t need the money I am going to win this” and then he just comes out and kills every challenge and is still this sweet little baker boy and everyone is stunned

when bitty wins he just smiles and congratulates the other competitors and he still acts so sweet and innocent and says he’s gonna go donate everything to charity and everyone loves him

alton brown has never been this impressed and scared in his life

Bitty would be great because you would think he’s sweet and adorable and about to get steam rolled into the first round, and then surprise, he is the definition of cutthroat.

“I used to play hockey with my husband back in College, and I kind of miss that feeling of completely crushing your opponents.” (Later on you find out his husband is an NHL player…)

“Tiffany thinks she can get into my head, but bless her heart, she has no clue what she’s doing.”

Also, imagine one of the challenges is them cooking with their families, and everybody is expecting him to bring his NHL husband.

Bitty looks at the camera and starts laughing. “Oh Lord, no, absolutely no. I love Jack and he has gotten a lot better at following instructions, but I came here to win and I’m afraid Jack just doesn’t have what it takes to work in my kitchen. I brought the big guns.”

Bitty introduces Moo-Maw, who looks like a delicate little old lady and is about 80, and everybody is side eyeing him because of his choice, and then the competition start and Moo-Maw fucking throws down.

The two of them are like a hurricane in the kitchen and while they cook they have enough time to gossip/share stories.

“When are you and Jack giving me some great-grandbabies Eric?”

“Moo-Maw please not now.”

“I am not getting any younger you know! I am old and who knows how much time I have left in this world,” she says while smashing nuts with the wooden hammer and making the whole counter rattle. The camera man takes a step back.

Jack gets interviewed and somebody asks what he thinks of that “not having what it takes to cook in his husband’s kitchen comment.”

He just look at the reporter very seriously and replies. “I once helped with thanksgiving dinner and I have never feared for my safety like I did that day. My only job was doing the mash potatoes.”

I need someone to write more of this, like, yesterday.

Bitty is a strong baker in general, but quickly apparent to the other participants is that he is incredible at any of the challenges involving having to bake using random ingredients. 

The other participants notice this pretty quickly, and ask him his secret. He just laughs and explains that when you’ve got a team of random hockey boys filling the fridge with all sorts of random odds and ends that suddenly need to be cooked to avoid wastage, you learn to adapt. They all think he’s exaggerating until he tells them the story about the avocado, bacon and cheese muffins with tabasco and the zucchini and apple cake.

The best part is when the story makes it to social media and then the rest of the Samwell alumni from the Haus both confirm that these dishes really happened and want to know how come Bitty hasn’t told anyone about the Peanut Butter Banana Bread with Maple Glaze that he made that one time because he thought Jack sounded homesick.

(Jack explains to them that they are all dead to him because now his nutritionist has added this too to Jack’s banned food list. 😦 )

And then there’s this one time that the oven isn’t working right, and Bitty figures this out pretty quickly, but also manages to salvage his dish and go on to win the round.

Alton Brown: “…that oven was malfunctioning.”

Bitty: “Oh heavens, compared to old Betsy, that was nothing!”

Other contestants: <are increasingly convinced that Bitty is a baking witch.>