Sorry if this is too personal, but what’s your social life like? I’m 23 and really worried about not having any friend. Like, I know people, but don’t have any lasting friendships.

notbecauseofvictories:

Okay, but…..do you want a friend? Are you worried about not having any friends because you’re feeling isolated and lonely, and aren’t sure how to make connections outside of high school/college? Or because Friends and How I Met Your Mother paint your early 20s as an era where you basically live out of someone else’s apartment?

I mean—look, am a big proponent of having the social life you want. For me, I really don’t need that much social interaction. I have my colleagues at law school or at work, my family, and then a couple close friends from college who I mostly talk with by phone. That more than covers my bases. More social interaction than that and I am exhausted and cranky and have to curl up and be alone for a few days. I have to talk myself up to networking, and I tend to make very shallow friendships.

On the other hand, my best friend is a consummate networker—she’s always happy to meet new people, get together with them for various reasons, do little things with them. (She once offered to go grocery shopping with me. Not because she needed anything, just because I was going grocery shopping and we could spend time together. I swear, I stared at her like she’d offered to perform a tracheotomy with a rusty spoon.) 

Both of us would be miserable if we had to switch places.

I just mention this because you didn’t actually say whether you genuinely want friends, if you’re interesting in putting in the work it takes to actually find new people and spend time with them. “I feel like I should have more/deeper friendships,” when you’re content with the relationships you have isn’t actually a good reason. And if you are content, then there’s your answer—you’re not in a place where you’re going to develop deep friendships right now.