Aries: Get one of the cartons of whole grain goldfish. Fill it with the normal kind. Nobody will ever know. Now it will look healthy when you eat them by the fistful on the subway.
Taurus: Stub your toe. Scream. Form a fugue. It will be a cathartic fugue.
Gemini: Yes, the scissors and the bike are made of the same thing. This does not mean they are interchangeable. At least not without a forge. Know what you can work with.
Cancer: Sense cannot be trusted. Only astrology blogs can be trusted. Good luck reading them without your senses though.
Leo: There is no place in the world for elitism. There is only room enough for conga.
Virgo: Consider yourself. Consider the complexity of a music box. Consider the simplicity of the lullaby it plays. How complex is the sleep that follows?
Libra: You don’t win new friend without bloodshed now spit out those teeth and get back in there.
Scorpio: I know it keeps the rain off you but anything that can be described as “flesh rending” is not appropriate job interview attire.
Ophiuchus: The tiny statues of famous actors you made out of paper clips have come to life and set up a surprisingly intricate government under your bed. They revere you as a god. Time for some smiting.
Sagittarius: As symbolic as it is, the process of a butterfly emerging from a cocoon is a rather horrific process.
Capricorn: Capricorns know what they did and will get their fortune once they learn their manners.
Aquarius: A rubber band is only as useful as is devious the mind that holds it.
Pisces: The internet is fraught with bias, dice don’t make sense all the time, and only other option would be ourselves and we all know that bastard can’t be trusted.
Normal Horoscope:
Published
just moving along like everyone else 