Normal Horoscope:

normal-horoscopes:

Aries: Make a hot chocolate, spend the day in your underwear. Most things can wait.

Taurus: No, screaming and running around in circles isnt terribly effective at solving problems but its cathartic dammit and thats the point.

Gemini: Did you know you can pretty much dance wherever you want? Most people are too uncomfortable to ask you to stop. Dance away you mad thing, dance.

Cancer: You cant unbreak an egg. You can try. But you will have a horrific creation of super glue and scotch tape and nobody wants that.

Leo: If you’re making curry, make sure to chop the veggies really fine grate them if you can, and let the curry reduce 50% longer than you think it needs too.

Virgo: If you ever cant relax, sit your ass down and find yourself a fuckin coloring book. 

Libra: There is time enough for that. There is time enough for rest too.

Scorpio: With good timing, curses can be reflected with baseball bats.

Ophiuchus: Everything has a darker nature.

Sagittarius: What most people call mistakes, great artists call style. You are your imperfections.

Capricorn: After enough time, one knows exactly how much cereal to pour into a particular bowl. Zen.

Aquarius: The twirling of the room is no danger to you. It means its time to sleep.

Pisces: Your heart should always have a couch for others to crash on.