trufflesmushroom:

trufflesmushroom:

trufflesmushroom:

That video where like… Some lawn guy just hovers his hand over the grass and then ninja strikes into the dirt and pulls out a tiny wriggling mole… I probably think about it at least once a day… It viscerally affected me to the point of obsession… The absurd, outlandish claim and then the buildup and the suspense and anticipation and then the sudden shocking attack and the appearance of the mole?? So small and fat and cute?? I’m haunted by that video. I would cry if I got to hold a mole. Imagine wielding that kind of power. Being able to just stick your hand into the fucking dirt and pull up a mole. Sensing moles from beneath the grass and soil. I’m in fear and awe and consumed with envy. It looked like a kiwi. Tiny wiggling lump. I might cry just thinking about it.

This one… The way the mole’s little ass catches on the dirt and then goes boing… Its frantic wriggling… The guy’s fucking accent I swear to fuck…

Listen, do you guys know how long my soul has been captivated by this video? Years. Many, many years. The initial shock that coursed through me when I saw this video for the first time has obviously left a lasting impression upon my memory. When this strange English man ran his hand over the grass to psychically detect the intruder… and then fucking straight-up did a wuxia strike into the fucking dirt… and seemingly summoned a mole straight from the underground realm… my life was changed forever…

I keep going back to watch the part where he yanks the mole out and its little butt bounces. Tiny fat baby. The way its mouth opens and closes helplessly. The spread paws. The little ‘SKREEEE’ of shock. He pinches it between his fingers and it is powerless in his gentle yet firm grasp. Small furry dollop of wiggle. I can’t believe this man filmed himself just randomly plucking a mole out of the ground by scrying its location via preternatural, occult rural English telepathy. He has the Gift. I can’t believe real human beings walk around living normal everyday lives whilst secretly wielding this power.

Look at that mole. My brain can’t process this.