So I’ve been reading a lot of the Humans-Are-Space-Orcs posts and one I didn’t see on there, but I thought was funny was about Humans interacting with infants. Specifically, the way we talk to entertain them.
This is my first post about HASO / HAW so please excuse the terrible alien names, I’m making this up as I go.
[putting the OP’s text from under the cut here because it deserves to be seen]
Xul’tar was new to the ship and had taken the assignment because it had ‘Hu-mons’, a new species to the galactic community and he had been fascinated by them. The vessel they were on, the Culbur was a science vessel, mostly studying stellar phenomena on the outer reaches of what the Hu-mons called “arms” of the galaxy.
“Xul!” yelled Hu-mon Jojo (She said it was her “Nickname” and short for “Joanna”). She was a young Hu-mon, slender, squishy, like most humans. “Come see Allen, I think he would like you!” She was referring to her new-born youngling.
“Has he learned to speak already?” Xul asked, his antennae wiggling with curiosity.
She bared her teeth and made a “Ha-ha” sound, humans called itlaughing. “No,” She continued. “But I think he would like your antennae, they glow and wiggle, he’d think it was funny.”
Xul’s fur ruffled, his curiosity over the youngling was matched by his annoyance with Hu-mons need for entertainment.
They entered her living quarters – her mate was on duty and not present – and beside the sleeping pad was a large basket filled with bundled cloth. It wiggled around and strange noises came from it. As Xul got closer he could make out the small arm appendages with tiny fingers grasping upward. He leaned over and gazed at the child with his large primary eyes. It was so tiny, and she had only given birth to one this mating cycle, she must have been proud it survived. His antennae gently poked and prodded the babies hands and face, glowing with excitement. The youngling did seem pleased with this, and made a series of high-pitched ‘laughs’ with every touch.
“You’re so silly!” Jojo said to Allen. Her voice was higher pitched than normal, and this seemed to induce more laughter from the baby Allen.
“Is ‘silly’ a praise to the child?” Xul asked. His primary eyes slanted to the side in confusion. “Is he being verbally rewarded for accomplishing something?”
“No, no, no!” Jojo said, turning to look at Xul. “Its… something we say to our children when… they’re happy and playful.” She shrugged her shoulders, indicating she wasn’t entirely sure how to explain it to Xul.
The youngling started to make more high-pitched noises, but was not the laughing sound it had made earlier. Xul stepped back, fearful. Was the child ill? “Should I call medical?” Xul asked. “Has the youngling hurt itself? Has it become sick? Did I hurt your youngling?!” He was panicking.
“Oh he’s fine, he’s probably just upset we stopped paying attention to him!” Jojo replied. She knelt down over the basket and began to speak in the high voice she had used earlier. “Are you cranky?! Huh? Mommy not paying attention to you?” She was shaking her head and smiling, but the youngling Allen was still wailing away. “Don’t cry or mommy’s gonna have to eat you!”
Xul reeled back in horror! Eat the child?! For not ceasing its wailing? He ran from the room and to the nearest comm. “Hu-mon Steve! Hu-mon Steve! Reply!” He yelled into the comm.
“What is it?!” Hu-mon Steve replied, his voice filled with worry.
“It is an emergency! You must return to your quarters at once!” Xul continued to yell. The horror in his voice intensifying with every word.
“Has something happened to Jojo? To Allen?” Hu-mon Steve cried through the speaker.
In the background Cul could hear Jojo talking. “nom, nom, nom! So tasty! Yes you are!” She said, the youngling still wailing in the background.
“Youngling Allen is in trouble! Your life mate Jojo had threatened to eat the child for not ceasing its cries for entertainment!”
With that, Hu-mon Steve burst into laughter over the comm. It was loud and hearty, and it took several moments for him to regain his senses! Why was he not concerned for his new-born?
“Should I call security?” Xul asked. This seemed to only encourage more laughter from the Hu-mon.
“I’ll be there in a few minutes, the baby will be fine.” Steve said “Just let me tell T’krinn I’ll be leaving.”
Xul was too horrified to enter the crew quarters until he saw Hu-mon Steve approaching, a large toothy smile on his face.
“Come with me.” Hu-mon steve said, waving Xul into the quarters.
Xul entered the room slowly, peering around the door frame with his primary eyes first, then his secondary, before slowly shuffling in. He had expected to see the horror of remains, but was shocked to see Jojo holding the sleeping youngling in her arms.
“Aww, daddy’s home and you’re asleep!” She cooed to the child. She bounced him lightly in her arms, and gave Hu-mon Steve the life mate greeting of a ‘kiss’ before he turned his attention to the child in her arms. “Did T’krinn let you leave early?” She asked.
“Yes.” Hu-mon steve nodded. “I had been informed someone was being naughty and needed to be eaten!” He joked, taking one of the infants and and gently nibbling on it.
Xul walked back out of the room, eye’s wide and dizzy. ‘Hu-mons joke about eating their own children.’ He thought as he walked down the corridor. Maybe this assignment would be too much for him.
Humans are weird.
Humans are weird / Humans are Space Orc’s
Published
just moving along like everyone else 