So I’ve seen a bit of the wank about your gender identity, and just wanted to say that you seem to be in a similar position to my girlfriend (who is DFAB but basically identifies as “who fucking cares, it’s just meat” and doesn’t feel any strong gender-y feelings in any identifiable direction). She sticks with lady terms because it’s the easiest thing to do, and because she doesn’t feel dysphoria, so there’s no point in her actively trying to adopt other pronouns at 40 years old.

the-real-seebs:

jellyfishdirigible:

teratocybernetics:

anaisnein:

tweedymcgee:

the-real-seebs:

I just love how tumblr views the issue. It is absolutely not cool to speculate about people’s gender, or debate it, or whatever.

Unless they can beat you in an argument. Then it’s open season and speculating and asserting that they’re lying is 100% okay.

And yeah, pretty much. I think the official-ish term is “agender”, which I’m fine with, or “apathetic-trans”, which I’m fine with, and… okay, cool, whatever?

The reason I point out people being assholes about this isn’t that I give a fuck what gender people think I am. It’s that if they’re willing to actively tell falsehoods about my gender in order to score points in an Internet argument, that tells you a lot about them. And since like half my social circle is trans, it makes a good test case for warning people about bad actors. That’s it.

And I note, some of them are clearly lying, some of them are clearly passing on gossip, some of them who knows what the fuck they’re thinking. But it doesn’t really matter, does it? It is not, in general, okay to have “wank” about someone else’s gender identity, unless you’re a right-wing politician looking to get out the angry vote, or you’re a “social justice” nutjob on tumblr who lost an argument.

I like “apathetic-trans,” but I feel like we could use better and more irreverent words for this gender condition.

(Another she/her/whatevs DFAB DGAF here, who if born a decade or two later would probably have self-identified as genderqtttthhhhbbbbb.)

fwiw I have started thinking of it as “being in the AFAB Bermuda Triangle,” which is where all the agender? nb? genderqueer? afabs who are old enough for pursuing it to have an obviously net-negative cost:benefit go for grumpiness and chill with a side of invisibility

I’ve been thinking of it as ‘gendershrug’ most of the time

it’s funny how the experience of being treated like you’re “not trans
enough” and the ensuing pressure to just stick with your assigned gender so you don’t inconvenience anyone, so you end up just shutting up and dealing with it, is more prevalent amongst AFAB people though, isn’t it? It’s almost as if there’s some kind of systematic double standard in play

I know, right?

And I can even tell you exactly why people do it to me, too, even though I’m not AFAB: It’s because I keep saying that the experiences of AFAB people, trans or otherwise, are actually relevant to understanding trans issues, and shouldn’t be completely dismissed. Every time I talk about trans issues and point out that I think trans men have actual concerns and do not benefit from every possible advantage in our society, people assert that I’m only saying that because I’m a trans man, and therefore my opinions are invalid because I’m too privileged to have opinions. 😛