Dex and a compilation of all his best chirps

nsfwomgcp:

dumouwin:

Dex’s Favorite On-Ice Chirps:

• “keep shooting right at the breadbasket, man, i’m sure it’ll go through him eventually”
• “yo, stripes, does your wife know you’re screwing us?”
• after literally anyone touches bitty or nursey: “do it again and be ready to drop your fucking gloves, you fucking duster”
• “hey tendy, we’re not playing dodgeball, buddy.”
• to a fourth-liner before a faceoff: “hey, does your coach know you’re out here?”
• after someone dives: “hey buddy did you just trip over the blue line? fucking bender”
• also he has absolutely called someone a pigeon and then cooed at them

  à la claude giroux

• he only uses these chirps when he’s not actually that mad. when he’s really mad it’s all just “fuck you” and the occasional “drop your gloves, make my fucking day”
• no one ever fights him bc he looks fucking crazy when he’s mad
• he’s only ever gotten in one fight, actually, and the dude dropped the gloves on him bc he skated over to him after a shift and just laughed and said “bro, you’re terrible at hockey”
• ransom and holster put it on the wall in the basement as the simplest and most effective chirp in SMH history

Ya’ll I am CRYING, DEX MY SOFT SALTY SON