roachpatrol:

radicalteen:

advicefromsurvivors:

When your child says “Why can’t I get a puppy?”

Instead of defaulting to “My house, my rules”

Try “Any pet is a lot of responsibility. A puppy would have to be fed, walked, and taken outside to use the bathroom several times a day and taken for regular check-ups and vaccinations at the vet. You can’t do all of that by yourself, and I/we don’t have the time or money either.”

When your teenager says “Why can’t I come home at 2:00 this Saturday?”

Instead of defaulting to “My house, my rules!”

Try “The time you come home is a matter of respect and consideration. I/We will not only be concerned for your safety, but we would either be disturbed in the middle of the night when you arrive or forced to stay up for several extra hours waiting.”

When your child says “Why am I not allowed to do this thing?”

Instead of defaulting to “My house, my rules!”

Try actually communicating a legitimate reason, because children pick up on subtlety and on context and on the unspoken messages, and it’s better to teach children lessons like “You should think really hard before taking on new responsibilities” and “It’s important to show consideration for the needs of the people with whom you share a living space” than lessons like “It’s okay for people to demand your absolute obedience so long as you’re dependent on them for survival.”

yupppppp

this also equips kids to do well in life because they can apply the social and ethical framework you’ve taught them to the new situations they encounter when they’re out of your reach. do they help their friend shoplift? do they cheat in school? how do they treat their girlfriend? if all they know is to obey authority when directly subject to it, they’re going to be set totally adrift when they’re the authority. 

my parents pretty much taught me to have an internal ethical system, so when i got to college i did alright on my own, while a lot of kids escaping from very strict families totally fell apart once they realized they were free to do whatever they wanted. authoritarian parenting really doesn’t do anyone any favors.