fandom mom advice

mythicalviolet:

okay lovelies, I’m going to offer some advice for surviving fandom (and maybe life in general). I’m too tired to engage in in-depth conversation, but here’s are some things that have helped me stay engaged in fandom for a long time.

If someone posts content that upsets you, unfollow and/or block them. Do some people get mad at being blockedor unfollowed? Yes, but that’s not your problem. If they want to throw a hissy fit because they lost a follower, let them. Your safety is important. 

Tag stuff properly. Not everyone is at the same comfort level as you and you need to take that into consideration when posting things.

Don’t go in the main tags. I know this hard for some people, but honestly, maintaining a small group of trusted friends and never going in the tags has saved me so much frustration and grief. People put all kinds of stuff in the tags with no regard for other’s feelings. If you follow enough people, you’ll have no need to go into the tags to find content to reblog.

Before you follow someone, check their blog.  If I’m thinking about following someone, I scroll through the first couple pages of their blog to see what kind of content they post and what their tagging system is like. If I see a lot of stuff I don’t like, I don’t follow them. You are not obligated to follow every single person in a fandom. Find people you feel safe with and stick by them. 

Find people you can have private discussions with/ways to cope with negative feelings. There’s going to be a lot of times where you need to vent and get negativity off your chest. Sometimes someone will piss you off and you need to talk shit about them for a hot second. You’ll see something upsetting on your dash and you need support. If you’re ever feeling that way, reach out or engage in some self-care (this may involve getting off Tumblr for a while) When that happens, find someone you trust and say “Hey, can I talk privately for a second?” One thing I can say about this fandom in particular is there are a lot of good listeners, and a lot of people who are more than willing to help people who are upset, even about non-fandom things. Hell, if you can’t find anyone come talk to me. Bottling it all up or lashing out publicly doesn’t help anyone, especially you. Find what coping skills work best for you. But ultimately you need to find a healthy way to deal with your shit, because hurting people while you’re hurt does nothing but make things worse.

Blacklist things that upset you. Xkit is a wonderful thing and I wouldn’t be able to use Tumblr without it. If someone doesn’t tag a thing you need tagged, ask. I am always willing to tag things for people , no questions asked. If someone is an asshole and yells at you for your need to have things tagged, unfollow them They’re not worth your time.

Sometimes people are awful or do awful things and there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t force people to act a certain way. You can talk to them and explain things, but ultimately it’s up to them to decide how to act. The only thing you can do is make peace with the situation and handle it the best way you can. 

If you’re a privileged person and you see marginalized people having a discussion about their oppression, don’t be an asshole. I’ve had to deal with this a lot on Facebook thanks to the current political climate so let me share a few things: 
– Don’t explain an oppressed person’s oppression to them. They know about it better than you do.
– If you feel defensive, try listening instead of lashing out. I’m straight and there have been lots of times when I’ve felt defensive while seeing LBGTQ people discuss their oppression. It’s natural to want to defend yourself, but that is not the time or place. That’s the time for you to listen and learn. Don’t do that “Not all [insert group]” nonsense. It’s fucking annoying
– Don’t demand oppressed people educate you. Google is free.
– Oppression is systematic and and cannot be fixed by a singular act done by a singular person.
– People of color discussing racism is not racist. LGBTGQ people discussing homophobia and transphobia is not homophobic or transphobic. Disabled/mentally ill people discussing ablesim is not ableist. Marginalized people discussing their oppression is not harmful to you, the privileged person.
– Don’t tell people how to feel about their oppression
– If oppressed people discussing their oppression and marginalization really pisses you off, you should stay away from the conversation because you’re probably an asshole and no one needs your hot take about something you haven’t experienced

I can’t believe I have to say this but for the love of god DON’T TELL SOMEONE TO KILL THEMSELVES. I shouldn’t have to explain why that’s a fucked up thing to do. If you think death threats are a good way to deal with someone disagreeing with you, perhaps the internet isn’t the place for you.

Ya’ll, I love you  and I want you to be happy and safe. Be kind to each other, respect people and their needs/comfort levels. There is literally no reason to be mean to anyone ever. After all, this is a fandom built around two dudes who do weird shit like bathe in ranch dressing and cereal (not at the same time but how hilarious would that be?) How could anyone watch that and then send anon hate?